Daniel Alarcon - Lost City Radio

“Madam,” Adela said sternly.

Again the woman apologized, but she didn’t stop. She was pleading now. “Take these. Take them back to the city and show them to the newspapers.”

He coughed. “They wouldn’t survive the trip,” he said. It was the first thing that occurred to him, the first excuse, and it came out all wrong. “The drawings,” Rey added, but it was too late: the woman was not quite old, not yet, but in that instant, her face fell, and she aged a decade. She broke into a furious stream of words, berating Rey in the old language for his selfishness before walking off.

Rey and Adela finished their meal in silence. They walked back through the tiny village to Adela’s hut. He asked to carry the boy, happily observing that Victor had gained weight and grown in all directions. Adela was pensive, but he chose not to notice, focusing instead on his son, this magical boy who made faces and drooled with beautiful confidence.

“Are you going to take him from me?” Adela asked when they were nearly home.

If you listened carefully, no matter where you stood in the village, you could hear the river. Rey heard it now, a lazy gurgling, not that far off. He remembered the night he had spent, drugged, wading in the cool waters. The rainy season had passed, and now the showers that came were furious but brief. The sun, when it came out, was unforgiving. Adela stared at him. He had a difficult time remembering why he had ever come to this place.

“Why would you say something like that?” Rey said. He passed the boy to one arm and reached out to touch her, but Adela pulled back.

“You’ll take the boy one day and you’ll never come back.”

“I won’t.”

Adela sat down on the step, and Rey moved in beside her, careful not to sit too close. “Did you have me drawn?”

She nodded. “You’re going to leave me.”

“You have to destroy it,” Rey said. “I’m not joking. You have to.”

“I’m not leaving. You’re not going to take me to the city and put me in a little house and make me your mistress.”

The thought had not occurred to him, but it flashed now, instantaneously, as a way out. He turned to her hopefully, but saw immediately, in the set of her jaw, that she was serious.

“Of course not.”

“Play with him now,” Adela said, pointing to the boy, “because he’s mine.” She stood angrily and disappeared into the hut.

He didn’t want a mistress. For all her charms, he didn’t, in fact, want Adela. He was a bad man, he was sure, a man of convenient morals in inconvenient circumstances. Still, he could be honest with himself, couldn’t he? Rey wanted the boy and Norma and his life back in the city, and that was all. He didn’t want the jungle or the war or this woman and the combined weight of his many bad decisions.

He wanted to live to be old.

Rey sat the boy up on his knee so that Victor could look out. His eyes were always open, and this was what Rey admired most about his son. He was a hardworking baby: colors and lights and faces, he took them in with deep concentration. Rey tickled his son playfully on the stomach, and noted proudly how quickly Victor reached for his finger, and how strongly he held on to it. Rey pulled, and Victor pulled back.

The following day, Zahir returned from the provincial capital with his radio, telling everyone in town that the war was over.

NORMA HELD Rey’s hand when they checked into the hotel. It was a late afternoon of slanting orange light. Night was still an hour away. This was the first time, and they wore wedding bands Rey had borrowed from a friend. They carried dinner in a basket, as if they had come from the provinces. Norma covered her hair with a shawl.

“Yes, sir,” Rey said to the receptionist. “We’re married.”

“Where do you come from?”

“The south.” It wasn’t a lie, Norma thought, not exactly: it’s a direction, not a place.

“Girl, is this your husband?”

“Don’t talk to my wife that way,” Rey snapped. “You need to show more respect.”

“I don’t have to let you stay here, you know.”

Rey sighed. “We’ve been traveling all day,” he said. “We just want a place to sleep.”

Norma took it all in, saying nothing. The receptionist frowned, not believing a word of it. But he took the money Rey handed him, held the bills up to the light, and mumbled something under his breath. He handed Rey a key, and there was a moment of electricity right there, as it dawned on Norma what this meant and where she was headed. Her mother would not approve. Rey never let go of Norma’s hand. She was afraid he would.

It was an old building, where even the floorboards of the stairs creaked naughtily. Norma blushed at the sound: maybe she even said something about it — who could remember now? — and Rey laughed slyly and told her not to worry. “We’re here now. No one’s going to hear us.”

And no one did, because they were alone in the hotel that night. It was midweek. They might as well have been alone in the city. They went up early and came out late, when the sun was already up and blazing red in the sky. And it didn’t hurt, not the way she had expected it to, the way she had feared it might. And then afterwards, the most wonderful thing was being naked next to him, and the most surprising thing was how easy it was to fall asleep with him by her side. It felt safe.

It was dark, and Norma was drifting toward sleep, when Rey said, “I have nightmares.”

“About what?”

“About the Moon.” He breathed heavily — she heard it and felt it, because her hand was resting on his chest. “They tell me it’s normal. But sometimes I shout in my sleep. Don’t be scared if I do.”

“What happened?”

He would tell her, Rey said, but not then. He made her promise not to be frightened.

“I won’t be,” she whispered. She was stroking his face, his eyes were closed, and he was nearly asleep. “I won’t. I won’t ever be afraid.”

“Are you awake?” Manau asked.

Norma opened her eyes. The boy was still there. She was in the same strange house. A light was on by the front door, everything tinged yellow. It had grown cold, and she wondered what time it was. She thought of closing her eyes, of retreating again into dreams. Had she ever been happy? “I’m awake,” she said, but even this was a guess. Norma felt he was near — her Rey — she felt traces of him all around, even as her eyes adjusted to this half-light.

She hadn’t thought of her husband as alive in many, many years. Not quite dead, either, but certainly not alive. Not part of the world. If he had lived — and Norma had concocted all kinds of scenarios that allowed this — what difference, in the end, had it made to her? He’d never contacted her. He’d wandered the jungle, or escaped the country and fled to a more hospitable place. Perhaps he’d remarried, learned a new language, and forgotten with great effort all that he had previously survived? These were all possibilities, if she accepted that he had made it somehow. But it was unthinkable: how could he have lived without her?

The boy snored lightly.

Rey was gone, of course. And she was alone. The rest of her life spread out before her, vast and blank, without guideposts or markers or the heat of human love to steer her in one direction or another. What remained were flashes, memories, attempts at happiness. For years, she had imagined him as not-quite-dead, and organized her life around this: finding him, waiting for him.

“What are we going to do?” Manau asked.

She had spent all the Great Blackouts with Rey, each and every one, in a room just like this, darker even, telling secrets while the city burned.

“Some people call every Sunday. I’ve learned to recognize their voices. They’re impostors. They pretend to be whoever the previous caller just described: from whatever village in the mountains or the jungle.”