Rohinton Mistry - Such A Long Journey

From the kitchen, Dilnavaz could see the sideboard and the Hercules rum. ‘That is the man,’ she said, pointing, ‘who should be here tonight instead of your silly Dinshawji.’

‘You mean Hercules?’ He pretended to laugh. That bloody Bilimoria. Should have shown her the letter instead of hiding it. Then she would know what a shameless rascal he is.

‘You always get rid of everything by joking. You know what I mean.’ The doorbell rang, loud and confident. ‘Here already,’ she grumbled, rushing back to the stove.

‘We said seven, and it is seven.’ He went to the door. ‘ Aavo, Dinshawji, welcome! A hundred years you will live, we were just talking about you.’ They shook hands. ‘But alone? Where’s the wife?’

‘Not well, yaar, not well.’ Dinshawji looked extremely pleased about it.

‘Nothing serious, I hope.’

‘No, no, just a little woman-trouble.’

‘We were thinking that finally today we will meet Alamai. This is very sad. We will miss her company.’

Dinshawji leaned forward and whispered, chuckling, ‘Believe me, I won’t. Good to leave the domestic vulture behind.’

Gustad had often wondered how much truth there was behind Dinshawji’s habitual references to the tribulations of his marriage. He smiled, inhaling cautiously as Dinshawji’s whisper brought him close, and was relieved that his friend’s chronically carious mouth gave off only a faint smell today. The odour had a cycle of its own, periodically going from a gale-force stench to a harmless zephyr. Presently, it was passing through the abatement phase. Of course, there was no guarantee it would not issue full strength during the evening if his mood changed. There had been mornings at the bank when Dinshawji arrived with fresh breath that turned foul after an argument with a whining, complaining customer. And because of the incident, if Mr. Madon the manager heaped animadversions upon Dinshawji, the stench quickly became unbearable.

Dinshawji’s stubborn case of caries had resisted the medications of numerous doctors. But after Gustad became a believer in Madhiwalla Bonesetter’s miraculous powers, he convinced Dinshawji to consult him too. Mouth problems and gums and teeth were bone-related matters, after all. Dinshawji resisted at first, trying to make light of it. ‘Forget it, yaar. My biggest bone problem is not in the mouth. It’s much lower, between my legs. With my domestic vulture, that bone gets no exercise. Withering away for years. Can your Bonesetter set that right?’

But he finally came around and paid a visit to Madhiwalla. The resinous secretion of a particular tree was prescribed, which Dinshawji had to chew on three times a day. Within a week, the results were plain to see. At the bank, for instance, customers no longer leaned backwards from the counter while waiting for their money. One day, however, Dinshawji sprained a jaw muscle while zealously masticating the resin. So severe was the pain, he had to restrict himself to a liquid diet for a fortnight, and after the jaw healed, he refused to go back to the resin. The thought of that agony was far more fearful than the carious mouth. So his friends and colleagues learned to live with the ebb and flow of the foul smell, as unpredictable as a roulette wheel.

Dinshawji’s problem no longer embarrassed him, his concern was more for those around him and their discomfiture. ‘And where is your missis, if I may ask?’

‘Just finishing in the kitchen.’

‘ Arré, that means I came too early.’

‘No, no,’ Gustad assured him, ‘you are exactly on time.’

Dinshawji made a gallant bow when Dilnavaz entered. Pinpoints of perspiration glistened on his bald pate as he lowered his head. His hair restricted its growth patterns to the regions over the ears, and at the back over the nape. Prominent strands also flourished inside his ears, and in the dark, capacious recesses of his imposing nostrils, from whence they emerged unabashedly to be counted with the rest.

He held out his hand. ‘It is such an honour for me to come to dinner.’

In return, Dilnavaz bestowed upon him the tiniest of her smiles. He turned again to Gustad. ‘I think the last time I was here was seven or eight years ago. When you were in bed after the accident.’

‘Nine years.’

‘Gustad told me you were not well,’ said Dilnavaz politely, diluting her haughtiness. ‘How are you feeling now?’

‘Absolutely first-class, everything tiptop. Just look at my red-red cheeks.’ Dinshawji pinched both sides of his waxen face as one would a baby’s. The sickly skin retained the imprints of his digits for a long time.

‘ Chaalo, time for drinks,’ said Gustad. ‘Speak, Dinshawji.’

‘A glass of cold water for me, bas. ’

‘No, no, a proper drink. No arguments. There is Golden Eagle, also some rum.’

‘OK, if you insist, Golden Eagle.’

Gustad poured the beer as Dilnavaz disappeared into the kitchen. They settled down with their drinks. ‘Cheers!’

‘Ahhh!’ said Dinshawji, taking a large swallow and exhaling. ‘This is nice. Much nicer than visiting you in bed with your fracture. Remember how I used to come every Sunday? To give you my personal bank bulletin, bring you up to date?’

‘I always said you should have been a reporter instead of a bank teller.’

‘What days those were, yaar. What fun we used to have.’ Dinshawji touched the corners of his lips to wipe the foam. ‘Parsis were the kings of banking in those days. Such respect we used to get. Now the whole atmosphere only has been spoiled. Ever since that Indira nationalized the banks.’

Gustad topped up Dinshawji’s glass. ‘Nowhere in the world has nationalization worked. What can you say to idiots?’

‘Believe me,’ said Dinshawji, ‘she is a shrewd woman, these are vote-getting tactics. Showing the poor she is on their side. Saali always up to some mischief. Remember when her pappy was Prime Minister and he made her president of Congress Party? At once she began encouraging the demands for a separate Maharashtra. How much bloodshed, how much rioting she caused. And today we have that bloody Shiv Sena, wanting to make the rest of us into second-class citizens. Don’t forget, she started it all by supporting the racist buggers.’

Dinshawji mopped his head and left the handkerchief draped over one knee. Gustad rose to switch on the ceiling fan. ‘That rioting was the time when Madhiwalla’s sandbags were around my legs.’

‘That’s right, you never got to see the big processions at Flora Fountain. Every day fighting and some morcha or other.’ He took a quick swallow of beer. ‘In the bank we thought our innings were over when those goondas broke the windows, even the thick glass of the main entrance. There goes our bonus, I thought. They were shouting “Parsi crow-eaters, we’ll show you who is the boss.” And you know what Goover-Ni-Gaan from Ledgers Department did?’ Gustad shook his head.

Goover-Ni-Gaan was a morose and lugubrious elderly employee named Ratansa. But the nickname had stuck ever since the day a young fellow, part-time and temporary with nothing to lose, insolently asked him why he went around with a face like an owl’s arse. Now, in private, people always referred to Ratansa as Goover-Ni-Gaan, or Ratansa Goover if they were being polite.

‘Take a guess, yaar, ’ said Dinshawji. ‘What do you think he did?’

‘Give up.’

‘First Goover-Ni-Gaan told people not to panic, it was just a few goondas. But as things got hotter, he covered his head with his white hanky and began doing his kusti. Loudly, like a dustoorji in the fire-temple. Afterwards, some of the chaps were teasing him non-stop, to take it up as a full-time job, that he would earn much more.’ Dinshawji dabbed his forehead again and fanned himself with the kerchief while Gustad laughed. He wiped round the neck, under his collar. ‘But really, yaar, we all thought our number was up. Thank God for those two Pathans doing chowki at the entrance. I used to think they were nothing but decorations with their uniforms and turbans and shiny rifles.’