Rafael Yglesias - Dr. Neruda's Cure for Evil

“Well, it’s because I go to a private school,” Daniel said. “It’s much better. We’re years ahead of you.”

This remark didn’t wound as deeply as it would have a year earlier. I knew that I was a geek compared to Daniel, a monstrosity to his normalcy, but I also knew much more about life. I had faced killers and saved my parents’ lives. I had stayed alone in my apartment and lied to grown-ups. I knew how to please my mother better than he could ever please his. I knew the secret that real men knew, the secret that women become loose and groan if touched in the right way. And in my Indian wallet, I had a special letter (that spies from the CIA were looking for) from a revolutionary, a man who had unselfishly given up being my father to make a just world. Besides, when I challenged Daniel to a chess game, thanks to Joseph’s tutelage, I mated him in fifteen moves. Danny got so mad he picked up the board and scattered the pieces all over his beautiful carpet. He was a sore loser, but I wasn’t. I worked hard until I learned how to win. I was a geek and I was an outlaw, but I was a man and he was a boy.

Aunt Sadie came in as Daniel threw the pieces. She casually rebuked him and told me that Uncle Bernie wanted to talk to me on the phone.

“Hey fella,” his cello voice greeted me. “What a brave boy you are. Your Mom told you to keep what she was doing secret, is that right?”

“Yes,” I said.

“Well, it’s good to obey your Mom. But you don’t have to keep secrets from me. I’m family. We don’t have secrets in a family.”

“Is Mom in jail?” I knew from Sadie’s nervousness that her account wasn’t accurate.

“Uh … Didn’t Aunt Sadie tell you she was sick?”

“Yes,” I said. Use your peasant brain. “But I don’t think she told me the truth. If Mom’s in jail, can I come live with you, Uncle?” I couldn’t be a burden and a worry to my parents anymore. My uncle was rich. He was the great capitalist, the overwhelming force that had defeated my parents. Maybe I could get his help, get his power, and avenge my father and mother.

“With me? You’re gonna stay with Aunt Sadie and Max and Danny. That’ll be more fun. My kids are in college, you’d—”

“Mommy says you’re a genius, Uncle.” That was true. She said he had a genius for using power. “Daniel hates me. He says I’m a spic. I don’t want to live here. I want to live with you. I want you to be my father.”

There was a long silence. Then, in a choked voice, Bernie’s cello sang low: “I’ll come get you, boy.”

He told me to put Aunt Sadie back on. I rushed to find her and grinned at Daniel as she went. He challenged me to another game. I mated him in ten. He threw the board against the wall so hard it split in two. I was triumphant. Aunt Sadie returned from her second conversation with Bernie. One side of her hairdo was stuck up in the air and her eyes were red. She kissed me and then wheeled angrily at Daniel. “You and I have to have a talk, young man.”

Uncle Bernie took me away in a black limousine. I leaned against him and fell asleep on the ride to Long Island. I was nine years old and I was in charge of my life. I thought I was doing a better job than my parents had. After all, I was on my way to live in a mansion, on my way to help them win their lost cause.

I WAS MOVED INTO PAPA SAM’S OLD QUARTERS. EILEEN MCELHONE, A young woman (she seemed quite grown-up to me; but she was only twenty-eight) was hired through an agency to supervise me. Aunt Charlotte had no interest in playing mother now that she had sent her children off to college. She spent most of her time fund-raising for various museums, hospitals and Jewish organizations. Three or four nights a week she stayed in Manhattan. My uncle expected to be busy as well, supervising his real estate interests and preparing for an expansion into retailing through the purchase of Home World, then a foundering Northeast chain of appliance stores. He was frequently on trips or working late in Manhattan, not to mention the events he attended because of his charities and art collecting. It fell to Eileen to keep me company, ferry me to and from school and various athletic activities.

She was very beautiful, an Irish stereotype. She had light blue eyes, thick red hair, and high cheeks that alternated between bloodlessness and bright embarrassed flushes. Her speech was a melody. She had the natural literacy of a nation that puts Yeats and Joyce on their paper money. Her white and red colors, her gay moods and teasing speech, were so different from the dark, brooding Jews and Latins of my family that I was sometimes slow to answer her conversation, mesmerized by the spectacle of her exotic appearance.

Eileen lived in what used to be the nurse’s room, only a step across the hall from mine. We shared a bathroom. She was kind, but too convinced (as Freudians and Catholics tend to be) of the inherently bad nature of humanity, especially as evidenced in children. She could not distinguish between the natural egotism of a four-year-old and the pathological narcissism of a forty-year-old. She believed sex was unspeakable, savage and dirty. We got along well; at nine, I held similar opinions. I believed all my desires to be evil. But I had a comforting rationalization: I wanted money and power as weapons in the good fight, to save the miserable and the poor.

Eileen was critical of American children. She thought my fellow Great Neck schoolmates were spoiled, whiny, rude, and arrogant. So did I. She praised me lyrically. “Oh, what a good boy you are. What a joy you are to take care of. Why you hardly need any attention at all. You’re practically taking care of me. Not like these others, the little monsters they call children. Ordering their mothers about like servants and treating the servants like they were still slaves from Africa.” She had no respect for my parents and wasn’t shy about speaking ill of my mother. “What kind of a woman leaves a child alone for two days and nights? And in New York City, which is no better than a jungle, or even worse than a jungle, if you ask me. As a mother she was a good Communist. I have no use for her kind. I don’t care that they want to make things better for us poor and us workers. I know what happens to their hearts once they get the power. Then they don’t care about the poor anymore. They’re not so sentimental about workers when they’re the bosses. I know about Communists, yes I do. I don’t have much use for greedy capitalists but the Communists are even worse. Under capitalism you can have nothing to eat. But under Communism there’s nothing to cook your nothing with.”

Other adults avoided the subject of my parents. I mean my uncle, his wife, Charlotte, Uncle Harry and Aunt Ceil, and Aunt Sadie. Since Bernie employed his brother, and all his brothers-in-law, I saw more of them, especially on weekends. My status had changed, of course. My cousins, except for Daniel, were more friendly. They played with me; they praised me if I did something well; they encouraged me to try again if I failed. Daniel continued to be sullen. He tried to beat my brains out at anything we played, from Monopoly to tennis.

The latter was to become harder and harder for Daniel, although he was an excellent player (he had entered and done well in several junior tournaments) because after my first two weeks living with him, Uncle Bernie took an active interest in improving me. He arranged for a group tennis lesson at the nearby racquet club and had the same pro come over to teach me privately on Friday afternoon. He also hired a swimming instructor, “to work out the kinks in my strokes.” I merely knew how to stay afloat, not cut through the chlorine with the grace and speed of an Olympian. “I want you to be a strong athlete for camp,” Bernie said with his characteristic frankness. “The popular kids at camp are the good athletes. If you’re just smart, they’ll pick on you.” I wholeheartedly shared his worry. I was a geek and a half-breed: with so many tender spots I needed all the armor I could lay my hands on.