Hasan Toptas - Reckless

‘Dreams are like that, though.’

‘This was something else, Kenan. This was beyond strange.’

‘How?’

‘In my dream, I was going to return my key to a woman who was supposed to be my landlady but things kept happening to me, things I could never have imagined. For one thing, this woman who was supposed to be my landlady just talked and talked and talked, there was no shutting her up. She was telling her life story, of course. And a few other people’s life stories, for good measure, plus the history of the entire city. . and in the middle of all that, she would make these bizarre pronouncements — as if someone else was speaking through her. Whereas in real dreams, as you know, there’s hardly any speaking at all. Which is why, please believe me, this dream I had doesn’t really seem like a dream to me.’

‘Are you sure you aren’t exaggerating? That’s what it seems like to me. If it isn’t a dream, then what is it?’

‘I don’t know. It was just bizarre. Beyond bizarre. For example, when I was leaving that apartment, I heard paper rustling, and because the landlady was following me out, I asked her about it, and she said it was probably her maid, going through the dossiers. But when I reached the lift, the girl who was supposed to be her maid walked out of it, carrying a handbag.’

‘And?’

‘What this means is that the maid was outside the apartment when I heard that paper rustling. The landlady was following me to the door, as I just said. And also. There was no one else in the apartment at that moment. So where did all that rustling come from? No, this was something other than a dream, I assure you.’

‘I think you’re exaggerating. And anyway, things like that happen in dreams all the time. Like once, I met myself as an old man. My older self hobbled right up to our door and rang the bell. I opened the door, and there he was, with his white hair and his long beard and his humpback, but in spite of all this, I recognised him instantly. He was wearing a dervish coat, which was white, with a silver collar that glinted like sunlight. And when he walked, he dragged his right leg slightly. I can’t be sure about that, but that’s how it looked to me as we walked together out of town and into the orchards. We sat down at the foot of a good-sized walnut tree and stayed there for a long time talking. And while we talked, a white bird came bursting out of his coat. It flew round and round, just above our heads. I had this dream many years ago, but I can still see my older self, with wrinkled hands, a lined forehead and that long, long beard. I have no idea if I’m going to look like that when I’m older. To tell the truth, it still worries me, even now. . But to go back to your dream, let’s just say that it’s something like mine. Let’s agree for a moment that the things you saw were not things you saw in a dream. If they were real, you would have to have gone back to the city in the middle of the night to return the key again. But you didn’t do that. Did you?’

‘Of course not. No way I could have done that. Not even if I’d wanted to.’

‘And that’s just it. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. If you didn’t go back there in the middle of the night, then it was a dream.’

Ziya raised his head to look out at the hills again, and the steep cliffs rising above them, and the pine forest, rustling green. Looking deep into the forest, he saw its noises changing colour. He felt its scent against his cheek as he breathed in its silence.

‘I can’t be sure,’ he said. ‘Maybe this is a dream, too. I just can’t be sure.’

That first day Kenan wanted to take Ziya into the village. He spent a long time trying to convince him. ‘Listen,’ he said. ‘My mother made all this food. They’re expecting us.’ But Ziya wouldn’t budge. He’d not even unpacked, he said. He needed some time to catch his breath. And how much could they have prepared, anyway, when he’d only been invited the day before? And so it was that, for the first time in many years, the two friends ate breakfast together at the table they’d set up next to the wooden bench. As they ate, birdsong pecked away at the cheese plate’s faded purple borders, while the flowers and the grass and the pine trees puffed out clouds of scent that hovered in the air, glistening like olives. Each time this vision came to him, Ziya would put his tea glass on the table, which seemed now to be as great and wide as nature itself, and then he’d bend over, and lift it up again. Having finished eating and poured themselves more tea, they both lit up cigarettes, and looked out over the hills and the cliffs rising above them. Or rather, Ziya looked out over the hills, leaving Kenan with no choice but to do the same.

‘Did the money I sent cover all the expenses?’ Ziya asked, as his eyes travelled over the cliffs.

‘It did,’ said Kenan. ‘It was a hundred and fifty lira too much, in fact. More than I knew how to spend.’

Reaching into his pocket, he gave Ziya the money he hadn’t spent.

‘This barn had an earthen roof once,’ he said quietly. ‘It leaked in the summer rains, and in the winter snows. That’s why I had it replaced when we did it up. I hired good men from town to do us a proper tiled roof. The storeroom was a good size, so I divided it into two. One part became the kitchen, and the other the bathroom. . Then we redid the walls, inside and out. We replastered them, and then we covered the bathroom’s earthen floor with pine as fresh and fragrant as the day it was cut. And then — well the doors and the windows had never been painted, and to tell the truth, there wasn’t much left to them. All you had to do was touch them, and they’d crumble. So that was why we pulled them out and put in new ones. And then, as God is my witness, I spent a bit of the money you sent on furnishings. Two sofas, one table, a refrigerator, an electric stove, an oven, a gas cylinder, a bed, a few pots and pans, blankets, a quilt, and a few other odds and ends. . You must have seen all this when you woke up.’

‘I did,’ said Ziya. ‘And I saw all the food and drink you brought, too. Thank you. For going to all this effort for me, for taking so much time off work. Honestly. No matter how much I thanked you, it would never be enough.’

‘Nonsense. I just wish I could have done more,’ said Kenan, with shame in his voice. ‘Of course, as time goes on, if you decide there are things you don’t like, we can change them at once. Certainly there will be some things missing. So, for example, I bought an electric stove, because you said you could handle it, but if it rains more than two drops, or there’s a flash of lightning in the far distance, or even if the smallest cloud decides to hang a little bit lower, the electricity begins to fizzle and pop and you can never know how long it will be before it fizzles out altogether, that’s something only God knows, and that’s why I need to get you a wood stove, too. And before winter sets in, we need to stack up your woodpile. Right now there’s electricity, we asked the people in the nearest house and they let us run it from there, but I’m sorry to say that so far we haven’t been able to sort out the water. It was never going to happen, anyway. As you know, none of these houses out here have water. And that is why you’ll have to get it from the village fountain, like everyone else. My nephew Besim can help you with this, so please don’t worry. Don’t worry at all.’

‘I won’t,’ said Ziya.

As he said these words, he looked out over the grapevine in the direction of the village, as if he was searching for the fountain.

‘Let me clear these things away,’ said Kenan, springing to his feet, and before Ziya could say, ‘Stop, what’s the rush?’ he had filled up a tray and was rushing towards the kitchen. Ziya jumped up, too, but all that was left for him was a glass salt cellar in the corner and a few slices of bread.