Caryl Phillips - Crossing the River

Will you please be so kind as to let my friends know that I am well? I would inform them myself, but I am no longer sure of their circumstances. I think they would come over were they not afraid of the fever, but every person that comes to this country must naturally go through a course of sickness before they can expect to enjoy health. I wish you to be so kind as to remember my best respects to Lucy and Fanny Thornton, should you see them, and any enquiring friends. I intended to send some of all kinds of seeds on the first chance I have. I do not recollect of our losing anyone, besides those already mentioned, since you last had the pleasure of hearing from me, and all who know of you join with me in thanking you for your unspeakable kindness and goodness towards us which shall never be forgotten. It will not surprise you to learn that Mary Williams Lewis still distributes tracts on temperance, and remains an advocate for the cause of refraining from the use of ardent spirits. Those that take the pledge under her guidance are not known to take one more gill of spirit, for her doctrines are so-framed as to make the believer steadfast in the knowledge that he does this not only for himself, but for his country.

You must write to me by the first opportunity. I would send you some fruit, but the passage being expected to be long, I thought it would certainly spoil before it reached you. When I write again I will try to send some curiosities. You must excuse my bad writing as it is late. You give away no hints, but I really think some hard feelings against me on your part forms the reason I have received just one letter from you up until this present time. You know I will write to you as long as I can find a piece of paper. I beg to close by subscribing myself to be sincerely yours in the bonds of affection. I remain yours in love.

Nash Williams

Saint Paul’s River, Liberia

Oct. 2nd, 1840

Dear Father,

I trust that these few hasty lines which I set down with respect find you in good health and fine spirits. Why your heart remains hard against me is a mystery which has caused me emotions of great distress. But so it must be. I can never guide your hand. I was greatly disappointed on the arrival of the last emigrant vessel by not receiving a single line from you. You chose to comment, in your only letter to this date, that you still have affection. But why do I not receive letters more often? I am so situated that I cannot see every vessel that comes on the coast, but my name and settlement are broadly known in this region. I like this place very well, but my greatest desire is that I may see you once more in this world. I have followed your counsel as much as possible. You need not be afraid that I shall forget or neglect them.

Did I tell you of my partiality to a young woman hereabouts? After a short courtship I put my addresses to her, and I expect to be somewhat true to her till I die. We were married on the first of March, she being a native woman, and one of the best in Africa. She faithfully discharges the office of mother to a child I possess by another, less successful, connection, and she remains an industrious woman who performs all the duties relative to house-keeping, including making clothes for her family . This family , above whom I reign as head, join me in sending love to their good father whom they have never seen. My son, whom I have taken the liberty of naming Edward in the hope that he might emulate your esteemed self, will soon be in need of materials to help speed his skills in reading and writing. You will therefore send me something. Anything you may choose to send will be acceptable, and the sum of three hundred dollars, being of no consequence to a man of your wealth, would suffice. I would be very thankful for some newspapers, and if you wish I will send to you a few of ours. I hope, dear Father, that you will send me a few working tools such as axes and hoes, for the like are very useful, but very hard to get here.

The fever in these parts is not so bad now as it used to be, for it would seem that the older the place gets, and the more it is cultivated, the better the fever is. Having long passed through the acclimatizing process, and having watched others do so with equal success, I am glad that I can say that I love this country more than I did at first. The seasons here remain quite different from those in my old country, yet the weather seems to get cooler. This year we have been blessed with little rain, and the sun has parched up most of all of the crops in the fields, so if you would be so kind as to send me out something, I would feel much obliged. Anything, I do not mind what it is, for I feel sure that it will make a valuable contribution.

Farming is now our main occupation, the numbers at the mission school having fallen off in a dramatic manner. I have my fields planted with potatoes, arrowroot, cassava, and considerable corn. In addition, I have a large number of cotton bushes, and a variety of other vegetables. I have also planted a large piece in rice, and together with the natives work from morning till sunset clearing and planting. I should be much obliged to you if you would send me a mill, for I have tried to cut a stone for that purpose, but found it beyond me. I am not in such a prosperous situation as might be expected, for it remains difficult to exchange produce for foreign produce, and besides, we make up just enough to sustain us from starvation. I have fowls in plenty, of all kinds. I have also hogs and goats. My homed cattle are only now beginning to increase, and some of the more skilled natives have, under my influence, made fences to secure them. They would, before this, often run out into the woods where they would quickly become lost. Keeping this rich land in order, and clean of grass and weeds, is my main task. But any man who will use common industry can raise much that he will eventually employ.

If, dear Father, these lines should find you in the land of the living, I will be more than glad to hear from you. I have written many letters to you at different times across the breadth of the last few years, and yet you seem reluctant to engage with me. I have come to the conclusion that you have repudiated me for reasons that perhaps owe their origins to some form of shame. Is there perhaps someone who has poisoned your mind against me? If these lines should find you in health, please return me an answer by the shortest way. My pleas with you to aid me, on behalf of all of this settlement, have been ill-received, for you have made nothing available to ease my present circumstances. Like all new countries, this is a very hard one, and some kindness on your part would have been pleasing to me. Should you have chosen to send me seeds of all description, I would have gladly made some use of them. I have given you full accounts of this place, so you can be in no doubt as to the often troubling nature of affairs hereabouts. That you have chosen to ignore my request that I might once more visit America to pay respects to my departed mother, and to cast my eyes upon old friends, has caused my heart to suffer in a great deal of pain. I have little opportunity for intercourse with familiar emigrants in these parts, for most of those who know of you are scattered all about the country, some few up here, but most down in the capital. So daily I wonder about those names across the water who, hearing no news, I constantly fear may have already departed this life.

Only last week I chanced to go into Monrovia in order that I might visit with old friends, both white and black. But not only could I not discern any news, it would appear that my present domestic arrangements have caused some offense to those who would hold on to America as a beacon of civilization, and an example of all that is to be admired. Are we not in Africa? This is what I constantly asked of the blacks. But it appeared they felt I merely sought to justify my native style of living. I counter-rallied and made it plain that I have nothing to justify, for amongst the emigrants I am indisputably the proudest holder of my race, but I soon found myself effectively shunned by my fellow Americans, many of whom privately mock African civilization whilst outwardly aping the fashion and posture of persons returned home. I realized that it would be beneficial for my health were I to cease conversation, withdraw, and return for ever to the safety of my Saint Paul’s River settlement.