Mavis Gallant - The Selected Stories of Mavis Gallant

“What’s your wife like?” my father croaked. His eyes were interested. I hadn’t been prepared for this, for how long the mind stayed alive and how frivolous it went on being. I thought he should be more serious. “Wife,” my father insisted. “What about her?”

“Obedient” came into my head, I don’t know why; it isn’t important. “Older than me,” I said, quite easily, at last. “Better educated. She was a kindergarten teacher. She knows a lot about art.” Now, why that, of all the side issues? She doesn’t like a bare wall, that’s all. “She prefers the Old Masters,” I said. I was thinking about the Scotch landscape we’ve got over the mantelpiece.

“Good, good. Name?”

“You know— Beryl . We sent you an announcement, to that place in Mexico where you were then.”

“That’s right, Beryl.” “Burrull” was what he actually said.

I felt reassured, because my father until now had sounded like a strange person. To have “Beryl” pronounced as I was used to hearing it made up for being alone here and the smell of the ward and the coffee made of iodine. I remembered what the Old Master had cost — one hundred and eighty dollars in 1962. It must be worth more now. Beryl said it would be an investment. Her family paid for half. She said once, about my father, “One day he’ll be sick; we’ll have to look after him.” “We can sell the painting,” I said. “I guess I can take care of my own father.”

It happened — I was here, taking care of him; but he spoiled it now by saying, “You look like you’ve done pretty well. That’s not a bad suit you’ve got on.”

“Actually,” I said, “I had to borrow from Beryl’s father so as to get here.”

I thought he would say, “Oh, I’m sorry,” and I had my next answer ready, about not begrudging a cent of it. But my father closed his eyes, smiling, saving up more breath to talk about nothing.

“I liked old Lou,” he said distinctly. I was afraid he would ask, “Why doesn’t she write to me?” and I would have to say, “Because she never forgave you,” and he was perfectly capable of saying then, “Never forgave me for what?” But instead of that he laughed, which was the worst of the choking and wheezing noises he made now, and when he had recovered he said, “Took her to Eaton’s to choose a toy village. Had this shipment in, last one in before the war. Summer ’39. The old man saw the ad, wanted to get one for the kid. Old man came — each of us had her by the hand. Lou looked round, but every village had something the matter, as far as Her Royal Highness was concerned. The old man said, ‘Come on, Princess, hurry it up,’ but no, she’d of seen a scratch, or a bad paint job, or a chimney too big for a cottage. The old man said, ‘Can’t this kid make up her mind about anything? She’s going to do a lot more crying than laughing,’ he said, ‘and that goes for you, too.’ He was wrong about me. Don’t know about Lou. But she was smart that time — not to want something that wasn’t perfect.”

He shut his eyes again and breathed desperately through his mouth. The old man in the story was his father, my grandfather.

“Nothing is perfect,” I said. I felt like standing up so everyone could hear. It wasn’t sourness but just the way I felt like reacting to my father’s optimism.

Some days he seemed to be getting better. After two weeks I was starting to wonder if they hadn’t brought me all this way for nothing. I couldn’t go home and come back later, it had to be now; but I couldn’t stay on and on. I had already moved to a cheaper hotel room. I dreamed I asked him, “How much longer?” but luckily the dream was in a foreign language — so foreign I don’t think it was French, even. It was a language no one on earth had ever heard of. I wouldn’t have wanted him to understand it, even in a dream. The nurses couldn’t say anything. Sometimes I wondered if they knew who he was — if they could tell one patient from another. It was a big place, and poor. These nurses didn’t seem to have much equipment. When they needed sterile water for anything, they had to boil it in an old saucepan. I got to the doctor one day, but he didn’t like it. He had told my father he was fine, and that I could go back to Canada anytime — the old boy must have been starting to wonder why I was staying so long. The doctor just said to me, “Family business is of no interest to me. You look after your duty and I’ll look after mine.” I was afraid that my dream showed on my face and that was what made them all so indifferent. I didn’t know how much time there was. I wanted to ask my father why he thought everything had to be perfect, and if he still stood by it as a way of living. Whenever he was reproached about something — by my mother, for instance — he just said, “Don’t make my life dark for me.” What could you do? He certainly made her life dark for her. One year when we had a summer cottage, he took a girl from the village, the village tramp, out to an island in the middle of the lake. They got caught in a storm coming back, and around fifty people stood on shore waiting to see the canoe capsize and the sinners drown. My mother had told us to stay in the house, but when Kenny said, to scare me, “I guess the way things are, Mum’s gone down there to drown herself,” I ran after her. She didn’t say anything to me, but took her raincoat off and draped it over my head. It would have been fine if my father had died then — if lightning had struck him, or the canoe gone down like a stone. But no, he waded ashore — the slut, too, and someone even gave her a blanket. It was my mother that was blamed, in a funny way. “Can’t you keep your husband home?” this girl’s father said. I remember that same summer some other woman saying to her, “You’d better keep your husband away from my daughter. I’m telling you for your own good, because my husband’s got a gun in the house.” Someone did say, “Oh, poor Mrs. Apostolesco!” but my mother only answered, “If you think that, then I’m poor for life.” That was only one of the things he did to her. I’m not sure if it was even the worst.

It was hard to say how long he had been looking at me. His lips were trying to form a word. I bent close and heard, “Sponge.”

“Did you say ‘sponge’? Is ‘sponge’ what you said?”

“Sponge,” he agreed. He made an effort: “Bad night last night. Awful. Wiped everything with my sponge — blood, spit. Need new sponge.”

There wasn’t a bed table, just a plastic bag that hung on the bedrail with his personal things in it. I got out the sponge. It needed to be thrown away, all right. I said, “What color?”

“Eh?”

“This,” I said, and held it up in front of him. “The new one. Any special color?”

“Blue.” His voice broke out of a whisper all at once. His eyes were mocking me, like a kid seeing how far he can go. I thought he would thank me now, but then I said to myself, You can’t expect anything; he’s a sick man, and he was always like this.

“Most people think it was pretty good of me to have come here,” I wanted to explain — not to boast or anything, but just for the sake of conversation. I was lonely there, and I had so much trouble understanding what anybody was saying.

“Bad night,” my father whispered. “Need sedation.”

“I know. I tried to tell the doctor. I guess he doesn’t understand my French.”

He moved his head. “Tip the nurses.”

“You don’t mean it!”

“Don’t make me talk.” He seemed to be using a reserve of breath. “At least twenty dollars. The ward girls less.”

I said, “Jesus God!” because this was new to me and I felt out of my depth. “They don’t bother much with you,” I said, talking myself into doing it. “Maybe you’re right. If I gave them a present, they’d look after you more. Wash you. Maybe they’d put a screen around you — you’d be more private then.”