Leslie Silko - Gardens in the Dunes

Hattie was curious to read more, but from the pens of the Gnostics themselves; she sent a note around to Dr. Rhinehart, who was about to leave town but was delighted to instruct his household staff to let Hattie into the library and to see to her every need. She opened the first volume of the translations to this passage:

Abandon the search for God and other matters of a similar sort. Look for him by taking yourself as the starting point. Learn who is within you who makes everything his own and says: My God, my mind, my thoughts, my soul, my body. Learn the sources of sorrow, joy, love, hate. If you carefully investigate these matters you will find him in yourself.

Hattie experienced a wonderful sense of pleasure and excitement to find such bold words in the old doctor’s translation. As she continued to leaf through the manuscripts, Hattie was astonished to read:

After a day of rest, Wisdom, Sophia, sent Zoe, Life, her daughter who is called Eve, as an instructor to raise up Adam…. When Eve saw Adam cast down and she pitied him and said, “Adam, live! Rise up upon the Earth!” immediately her word became deed. For when Adam rose up, immediately he opened his eyes. When he saw her he said, “You will be called the mother of the living because you are the one who gave me life….” It is she who is the Physician, and the Woman and She who has given birth…. the Female Spiritual Principle came in the Snake, the Instructor, and it taught them, saying, “You shall not die; for it was out of jealousy He said that to you. Rather your eyes shall open and you shall become like gods, recognizing evil and good….” And the arrogant Ruler cursed the Woman and the Snake….

At that moment Hattie knew her master’s thesis must explore further this female spiritual principle in the early church.

Hattie had difficulty falling asleep because her mind was abuzz with ideas for her thesis. She slept fitfully, and the following morning she woke and realized something felt very different about the world, though both she and the world appeared the same as they had been the previous morning. The names Sophia, Zoe, and Eve came to her again and again like a nursery rhyme, and when she glanced at the small marble Pietà on the foyer table, the words “Adam, live! Rise up upon the Earth!” came to mind. On her way to class, as it did every day, the carriage passed the church with the life-size bronze of Christ on the cross; but this morning Hattie found herself scrutinizing the figure. This bronze Jesus was well fed and his posture more relaxed than tortured; the expression on the face was one of peace, even satisfaction. Was this actually Simon of Cyrene, at peace, relieved that he managed to spare Jesus the crucifixion?

The thesis committee declined Hattie’s proposed thesis topic, “The Female Principle in the Early Church,” and the dean of graduate programs concurred with their decision. Hattie’s proposed research materials and corroborating texts were deemed inadequate. Dr. Rhinehart’s translations from the Coptic were impeccable, but there was as yet no reliable documentation to authenticate the papyrus scrolls. Little or nothing had been written about the feminine principle, wrote one committee member, “because it was a peripheral detail, too minor to merit much scholarly attention.” Still, the committee might have entertained her proposed thesis topic had Miss Abbott not rejected all reliable authorities and texts in favor of odd forgeries of old heresies.

Both Dr. Rhinehart and her father warned her from the start it was unlikely the committee could be persuaded of the scrolls’ authenticity. Her father cautioned that the scholars of early church history were quite conservative, and she was bound to be disappointed. But the worst of it was the casual suggestion by the Divinity School dean that Miss Abbott should attend the Metaphysical College operated by Mary Baker Eddy in Boston. Hattie was furious to be linked with Mrs. Eddy or her “healer,” Phineas P. Quimby. Hattie felt she had been dismissed as a suffragist, but her mother feared far worse — that Hattie was bound to be linked to Margaret Fuller, notorious advocate of free love. More than once, acquaintances of Mrs. Abbott compared Hattie’s precocity and ambition to Mrs. Eddy or Miss Fuller, which caused Mrs. Abbott to exclaim she was sure a compliment was intended, however she really must point out Mrs. Eddy was not Catholic and Miss Fuller was not even a Christian and was quite dead.

Though she had been aloof from most of the other Vassar women, still she felt cozy in the classrooms with other women. But at Harvard the atmosphere was far different. The decisions of the thesis committee were to remain confidential, yet news of Hattie’s rejected thesis topic leaked out at once to humiliate her. The eyes of the other students no longer were averted from her; there were whispers and smiles because the worst of her proposed thesis had been its conclusion, that Jesus himself made Mary Magdalene and other women apostles in the early church!

As for the behavior of Mr. Hyslop after the committee’s decision, Hattie greatly misjudged his character; he was not the gentleman or Christian he appeared to be. From the start, all had proceeded properly enough, and Hattie welcomed his companionship in class and their discussions after class. But Hattie should have been alerted to Mr. Hyslop’s intentions when he compared Hattie’s ambitious thesis topic to the “lofty and spiritual ambitions” of Margaret Fuller. At the time, Hattie politely assumed Mr. Hyslop’s comparison of her to Miss Fuller was strictly limited to intellect and ambition; after all, the Fuller woman shocked polite society with her endorsement of free love and her premarital pregnancy.

Later Hattie realized there was a great deal about Mr. Hyslop that she misunderstood or, worse, that she had imagined for her own comfort. She assumed he was trustworthy because they shared class notes and compared grades and had exhilarating discussions after class. Although he did not seriously challenge the church canons (his thesis topic concerned Irenaeus and the Coptic Christian Church), on numerous occasions he expressed his respect and admiration for her scholarship. But Mr. Hyslop was not honest with her or himself.

In the days that followed the committee’s decision, Hyslop began in good form with a gentleman’s solicitude after the seminar, consoling her for the rebuff. The glorious spring morning looked so inviting Hattie arranged to walk the short distance home after class. As she and Mr. Hyslop chatted under the big oak tree along the Commons walk, a breeze came off the river and sent yellow blossoms fluttering across the lawn as rain showers drifted in front of the sun. Mr. Hyslop saw she carried no umbrella and kindly offered her a ride home in his coach, which seemed harmless enough, since Mr. Hyslop intended to enter the ministry upon graduation.

But they were no sooner in the shade of the giant oaks along the park drive when Mr. Hyslop oddly complained of the sunlight and closed the coach curtain next to himself, then excused himself and leaned in front of Hattie to reach the curtain next to her. The instant the curtains were closed, Mr. Hyslop suddenly embraced Hattie. He pinned her against the seat with his chest and shoulders, while one hand sought to pull her around to face him and the other hand fumbled, then grabbed her right breast with the cloth of her dress. Too startled to scream, Hattie struggled and twisted away while she gave him a good kick in his ankle. Her dress was askew and her hair pulled loose from the pins. She retreated to the far corner of the carriage seat with her heart pounding and angrily opened the curtain next to her. She stared out at the activity in the park though she scarcely saw anything, she was so shaken. Hattie waited for Mr. Hyslop’s litany of apologies to begin momentarily, but she was further shakened after he remained silent and strangely aloof. Hattie felt the blood rush to her cheeks when she realized that Mr. Hyslop was angry with her for disappointing his expectations!