I hope they still haven’t understood it, otherwise we’ll lose them for good. Or maybe they gave it a listen and that’s why they’re late in coming. In short, Delyo, the hero of the song, threatens that if the Turks force two of his aunts to convert to Islam, he’ll storm the village and many a mother’ll bawl / an’ many a young bride’ll howl / even the lil’ baby in the belly’ll cry out .
That baby in its mother’s womb, flying on the same disc with Delyo, better watch out.

OTHER CAPSULES, OTHER TESTAMENTS
The year is still 1977. The place is the city of Pleven.
“In the foundation of the Pleven Memorial Panorama, in the floor of the lobby, a capsule with a message has been buried. It will be opened in exactly one hundred years, when all of us will be living under communism,” the chairman of the State Council, Comrade Todor Zhivkov announced during the placement of the capsule.
“Well, we won’t all be living under communism,” my father says and switches off the TV, “that guy thinks he’s gonna live forever.” I imagine how one hundred years from now, the new man, Homo communisticus , opens up the capsule and reads the instructions from his forefather, the now-fossilized Homo socialisticus .
And what was written inside? Slogans like “a firm right hand. the benefits of communism. to each according to his needs. ” and other mumbo-jumbo, as we said back then.
This capsule-mania turned out to be catching. Everyone was racing to bury messages for the future. Our school’s turn eventually came around. The capsule resembled a big glass test tube. I had the feeling I’d seen it in the chemistry lab. In front of the whole school, the principal read our message to the future Pioneer, who would live under communism, and then stuffed it inside. Then they added three drawings and three essays by students. There had been an essay contest on the topic: “How do I see myself in the year 2000?” In short, we saw ourselves as communists let loose in the cosmos. Communism had conquered the globe and was already being exported to nearby planets. We drew cosmonauts in their spacesuits with red stars on them, tethered to the mother ship with something like an umbilical cord or a rope and with a bouquet of daisies in one hand. Or make that poppies. Poppies were more fitting, since they had “sprung from the blood of fallen heroes.” Later I would find out that poppies would always come in handy for other, more intoxicating uses as well.
They put those kinds of things in that capsule back then, and the Pioneer coordinator even suggested stuffing in the school flag as well, but the test tube turned out to be too small.
For the essay contest “How do I see myself in the year 2000?” held before the burial of the capsule, I wrote only a single sentence: “I don’t see myself, because in the year 2000, the world will end. This is a fact.” I can’t say why I did it. I was immediately called before the Pioneer coordinator, who labeled it a “provocation.” The main question was who had been telling me these “facts.” Which only strengthened my suspicion that everybody knew what was going to happen, but they were keeping it under wraps as a state secret. I was old enough to know not to rat my grandma out. I lied, telling them I’d heard it from some fat Polish woman at the seaside. I purposely said “fat,” so as to express my attitude toward this provocateur. Poles weren’t like us, they lolled topless on the beach and sold Nivea hand cream on the sly. Let them go look for her.
It goes without saying that my early warning did not make it into the test tube.
In the meantime, I redoubled my efforts to fill my own capsule. In absolute secrecy, in step with the spirit of the times, as they said back then. In step with the spirit of the. Jesus, where did that come from? Remembering is never innocent, phrases from that time come back to me. There’s suddenly a bad taste in my mouth. In step with the spirit of the times. In step with the spirit. I’ll repeat it a few more times to make it meaningless.
BOX NUMBER 73
And one more “time capsule,” one of the official ones. An ordinary paper envelope with red capital letters: “To be opened when he becomes a Komsomol member.” Under socialism, they were given to every child right at birth. I have placed this fragile paper capsule in box number 73 and, contrary to the instructions, the envelope is only now being opened. Inside, the following was typed out:
Dear Young Man,
There are moments in a person’s life that are never forgotten. Today, with trembling hands you untie the knot of your scarlet Pioneer’s neckerchief, replacing it with a red Komsomol membership booklet. This is a symbol of the great trust the Party and our heroic and hardworking people have in you.
Be decent and daring in word and deed! Dedicate the drive of your youth and the wisdom of your mature years to that which is dearest to all generations — the Homeland!
Yet another stellar example of socialist-speak. I now see that it is a mouthful: Be decent and daring in word and deed! Dedicate the drive . What are all those Ds, why make the tongue scoot along on its ass? I wonder whether those suit-wearing fates handed my mother the envelope when she was still in the delivery room? While she was still in shock and didn’t know which way was up, she was given diapers, a pot to boil bottles in, and a representative from the Regional Committee of the Communist Party came and handed her the letter. Don’t worry about the kid, we’ve already preordained his fate, first he’ll become a young Pioneer, then he’ll put on his Pioneer’s neckerchief, then he’ll replace it with his Komsomol booklet, it’s all written here. Set. In. Stone.
I was first thinking to toss out the envelope, but then decided to put it back in its place, in box number 73. There need to be such things inside, too.
I think I need to reinforce the box with added protection against such radioactive waste from the past. But what if only this capsule survives? What if it’s discovered and a cult grows up around it? I shouldn’t have gone there. I can see it ever so clearly.
FUTURE NUMBER 73
Many years after the apocalypse, life springs up again and after several millennia man makes a reappearance. These new post-apocalyptites develop more or less the same as earlier people did, not counting a few insignificant deviations (mutations), for example, the fact that they are incapable of abstract thought. Clearly, nature or God learned a lesson from the previous, less-than-smashingly successful experiment and has made some healthy adjustments.
Suddenly, the New Ones accidentally stumble across a buried but miraculously intact capsule with messages from before the apocalypse. The event is indescribable. Finally, some trace of their forefathers. But it is the most idiotic and laughable message imaginable (but they don’t realize this). Some testament to their descendants, which should be opened 200 years later. Part of it has been worn away, but individual phrases have survived. They decipher it carefully. And devotedly, as stone tablets are read.
We must heed this testament and change our lives accordingly, that’s how it is everywhere. Only one person resisted. On the contrary, he kept saying, we should do the exact opposite of what is written on the stone tablets if we want to avoid the fate that befell our forefathers. But no one listened to him. The Testament was circulated far and wide and every word was interpreted as specific instructions for action.
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