Bensalem Himmich - A Muslim Suicide

Just before we left, I told Yasir why I needed to get out of Mecca. He swore to keep my secret to himself and to take care of my residence. I asked him to purchase a mule for my wife, put some of my own belongings on his own riding animal, and ride with her to a place he knew well. I would go ahead of them a little way. Yasir realized the purpose of the plan and agreed to make the necessary arrangements so things were as safe as possible. And that is precisely what happened-all thanks be to God as is due!

I was delighted to be back once again with the Maghribi peasants and staying in Al-Shushtari's hut. I was equally delighted that Sitt Umama was with me as both wife and companion. I was happy to see how much she enjoyed the orchards and the generous people who maintained them. I told Hamada the Zanati, their leader, and his confidants that I had married Umama and gave them a few details about my new wife. They all congratulated me and offered their blessings on our marriage. They then took both Sitt Umama and myself to a big tent with furniture and all kinds of coverings. News of my marriage soon reached the women, and they arrived to take Sitt Umama away to their own quarters, about which men know absolutely nothing.

On the Night of the Festival itself, I caught the sounds of women singing poems and ululating, then watched in the candlelight and lamplight as they encircled my wife and in sight of everyone led her to my tent to the accompaniment of blessings and expressions of joy. At the threshold of the tent, they all sang and danced. The point of all this, I gathered, was that they were bringing Sitt Umama to me as a pure, new bride in accordance with their customs. My assumption proved correct in that, no sooner had they left us alone, than the tent flap was lowered and they all departed quietly.

Sitting by my side, my new wife was almost dizzy with the overflow of emotion and bashfulness. Her full body was regaled in a flowing white gown that exuded a gentle warmth and a lovely musky scent. Her lovely face was glowing; it was as though the women had used some holy waters to recreate her beauty anew, so that this woman from Egypt had responded willingly to the hands of the women from the Maghrib. All praise be to God for his beneficence and generosity!

The second wedding night was even better than the first!

All praise to the One who can reinvigorate the veins after they have atrophied and revive the senses when they have grown lethargic! You can bear witness, Sitt Umama, can you not, that I have not forgotten my share of this lower world, as the Lord of mankind has commanded and recommended…

Next morning my wife woke me up very gently, albeit with the help of the cock's crow and the sound of activity outside our tent. Both of us looked incredibly happy.

We both took deep breaths and ingested the fragrance of plants and crops all around us. After washing ourselves and doing the ritual ablutions, we prayed the dawn prayer, then made ready to join the rest of the group and participate in the festival celebrations. While I headed for the men's group and their leader, Hajj Hamada, some women arrived to take Sitt Umama off to their section. The men all offered me their heartiest congratulations and good wishes, then insisted that I had to sacrifice a lamb that they were offering as a celebration of my marriage and my presence among them. All I could do was to accept their offer, and I did so amidst a positive hail of shouts of "God be praised" from the men and ululations from the women, while the children made their own din.

When the time for the noon prayer arrived, I served as imam for them all in the open air. That done, we all moved to the chief's tent, where the festival feast had been laid out. Everyone took as much as they wanted; in fact, encouraged by my host, I ate more than I should, even though I made an effort to eat less by asking them all a variety of questions. I wanted to know where they all came from and what their ancestry was. I discovered that they were Arab Amazigh [Berbers] who through a process of intermarriage had become a single unified tribe, which explained why they came from various locations. I was told that some of them were from the fertile Moroccan coastal region, which explained why they were now living where they were and knew about plowing, crops, irrigation, and harvesting. They each took it in turn to address my curiosity by providing particular details, with their leader offering the most information of all.

For my part, I started reciting various Qur'anic verses and hadith relevant to the topics, duly explaining their significance in terms that they could understand. They offered praise to God and prayed also for his Prophet. They were equally complimentary about my own learning and the way I could invoke such a wide variety of knowledge and explain things so clearly. We continued in this fashion until the time for afternoon prayer arrived, which we all performed in a spirit of mutual affection and serenity. With that done, I asked Hajj Hamada's permission to rest.

There was no sign of my wife in my tent, and I fell into a long, deep sleep. When I eventually awoke, it was to find Sitt Umama by my side, softly whispering my name with affection and warmth. I gave her a hug, and she rested her head on my chest.

"The way these Moroccan women keep treating me with such warmth and generosity is truly amazing," she told me happily. "Here we both are, living with these wonderful people in these gorgeous pastoral surroundings! It feels as though I'm either a genuine princess in a dream or else in paradise!"

Those words of hers suddenly reminded me that I had been having a dream about our stay in this beauteous paradise. It had only been ruined when soldiers had arrived to take me away and kill me. I came back to my senses to hear my wife breathing deep sighs.

"You certainly are a real princess and more, dear lady!" I said.

"And you are my guide and the source of my good fortune!"

She sat down, lit the lamp, and then proceeded to show me the bottles of perfume, kohl, and new clothes that the Maghribi women had given her as gifts. She asked me if I was going to sit with the men and chat.

"No," I told her with affectionate longing, "tonight is our night. Tomorrow can wait."

When I woke up the next morning, my tongue was still moist from repeating the prayer that I must have invoked just before going to sleep and probably during it as well: "0 God, the One, the Worshipped, please allow my wife to remain with me and do not bring a dire punishment."

This then was the way I managed to spend several wonderful days with my wife. She passed her time with the women and looking after me, while I spent mine looking after her and attending to the needs of the group-leading the prayers, chatting with them, offering advice on issues they raised, and teaching their children. I also spent some time alone, contemplating and reading some of the materials I had brought with me. I only wrote in my mind, using that invisible pen.

One morning at the beginning of Dhu al-Qa`da, my wife and I got up full of energy and went out for a walk in the surrounding fields. Here and there we spotted guard dogs, but they did not snarl or bark. Breathing in the pure air, we decided to extend our walk. As we passed by the animal pens, I started telling my wife about the lofty palm trees and their luscious fruit hanging down. I also described the other crops for her and detailed the beneficial health effects of each one. For her part, she kept praising the Creator and pointing out the vegetables and aromatic plants with their particular scents.

"Just look at the vegetables in front of us," she said, "and the carrots and cabbages over there. Eggplant as well! See the roses and ben, not to mention the myrtle, jonquil, and jasmine! My dear, how delightful are their scents and blossoms for both eye and nose, in fact all the senses combined!"