Laura Restrepo - No Place for Heroes

“A doctor?” Mateo asked.

“I never knew if he was a doctor, or a chemist, or a secret abortionist. I never knew, never asked. In any case, he wore a white lab coat and was very pleasant. When Botas told him why I needed what I needed, he refused to take money from me.”

“You bought a gun. Is there a gunfight with my father that no one has ever told me about? Confess it now, you killed Ramón.”

“Hush, loquito . You’ll never guess what he gave me.”

“A … murderous knife.”

“No.”

“A bulletproof vest.”

“No.”

“An ax, a stick of Acme dynamite, like Wile E. Coyote uses against Road Runner? I don’t know, Lorenza, I give up. What did he give you?”

A coffee-colored eyeliner kit, made by Revlon. You pulled off a clear cap that protected the end, like any eyeliner, but you could also unscrew it and pull off the end, to reveal a needle, much shorter than a syringe’s needle but just as thin. In the body of the pencil there was a small tube with a thick liquid.

“A few drops will knock him out, a lot of drops will kill him,” the man in the white robe had told her.

“Oh, shiiiiiiiit, Lolé,” Mateo said. “And you hid that vaina in the false bottom of the professional suitcase?”

“That wasn’t necessary, I put it in with my other makeup.”

EVENTUALLY, MATEO shut off the PlayStation and sat down to write a letter to Ramón.

“You can give it to him after I leave for Bogotá,” he told his mother when he was finished. “If you see him, that is, or see someone who can give it to him.” On the desk he left a folded piece of paper inside a hotel envelope, and announced that he was going to take a long bath.

“Can I use all the hot water?” he asked before locking himself in.

“The only thing that is infinite in this world is the hot water in hotels,” she replied.

“If you want, you can read it,” her son’s voice said from the other side of the door, drowned out by the running water. She opened the envelope.

Ramón: This trip to Buenos Aires has confirmed what I already knew. That you have never been anything to me, and that you are not now, the letter said. You have grown in me like a ghost, like a fear of darkness and hatred of vegetables. I recognize your absence in the insecurity of my adolescence and in this arrogant shyness that isolates me from others. But fortunately it is not only that. You have also grown in me like a passion for mountains, and rivers and snow and mist. Every time that I climb a mountain, I seem to remember that I once had a father. I’ll stay with the memory and stop searching for you. I no longer expect anything from you.

That’s what Mateo had written, but he was still expecting. In the back of the envelope, making an effort to write clearly, he had jotted down his phone number and address in Bogotá, specifying the name of the neighborhood, the apartment number, and the postal code. And if that weren’t enough, below he had drawn a little rudimentary map, indicating with arrows how to get there.

Lorenza had another busy workday ahead of her, and was very worried about leaving her son alone, given over to Wei-Wulong and the Dynasty Warriors. Fortunately, the phone rang just then, she picked it up to hear the sweet voice of a girl, asking for Mateo.

“Mateo, it’s Andrea Robles, the daughter of el negro Robles. She says that they told her you were looking for her and wants to know if you want to go out for a bit,” she screamed past the bathroom door, covering the speaker so that she wouldn’t hear the categorical no her son would come back with. But to her surprise, Mateo agreed to see her.

“SHE’S VERY PRETTY, Andrea Robles,” Mateo told his mother that night. “An elongated face, thin body, curly hair, and eyes like this. She took me to the Botanical Gardens, which was full of cats, but there we talked. Who knows what all those cats in the gardens eat, Lolé. You think people bring them food? Or maybe the government feeds them. Or they eat plants, botanical stuff, like cows do. It’s not just a few, there’s an army of cats. I’ve never seen so many in my life. That is not a botanical garden, it’s a feline garden.

“She’s older than me, Andrea Robles. Like four years, or ten. At least six, yes six, or seven, that’s what I figured, although she sometimes seems like she could be my age, depending on how you look at her, and she talks about revolution, about commitments, about the injustices of this world. Andrea believes in those things, Lolé; she says she inherited it from her father. She told me that for many years she thought he had died in a car accident, that’s what they’d told her, her mother I guess, since it sounds like the loving lie of a mother. A lie from a mother afraid that in school her daughter would repeat the true story and get the whole family in trouble.

“In their house, there had always been mystery surrounding the work of her father,” Mateo went on. “I mean, even when el negro Robles was still alive, they had this problem. Can you imagine? When they asked Andrea what her father did, she didn’t know how to reply, so she started making up jobs for him, inspired by things she saw around the house. She always saw papers, piles of papers, typewriters, mimeograph machines, and that’s why she started to tell everyone that her father was an office worker. Or if not that, a pilot, because they always traveled for free. Of course, in truth it wasn’t free, the tickets were bought by the party, but she didn’t know that. What she knew was that airlines gave pilots and their families free tickets, so she decided that her father was a pilot. She also said that he was in the military, or so she told me, that she told people her father was in the military, or was a militant. Funny, right, Lolé? The two things sounded the same to Andrea Robles, the military and militant. She had heard both words in her house and she thought they were the same thing.

“Andrea Robles told me that one morning around seven they were having breakfast as always, and some friends of her mother arrived, who were not really friends but party comrades, but Andrea did not know that until much later. Her mother attended to them in the kitchen. Andrea did not know what they were doing there so early, and they wouldn’t leave to let them have their breakfast, and when they finally did leave, her mother sat her and her brother at the table, but instead of giving them breakfast, she told them that their father had died in an accident.

“It had already been some time since Andrea Robles’s father had separated from her mother and gone to live in another city, so that Andrea did not see him that much anyway, not every day, not even every month, only once in a while. So that when he was killed, Andrea didn’t feel the change much, and pretty soon forgot about the fact that he was dead and returned to the idea that he lived far away and that he would soon come to visit. When he had been alive, el negro Robles visited them and took them on trips to the mountains in his Citroën, where they would make snowmen. I asked Andrea if that mountain was in Bariloche, and I told her that Forcás had taken me to see the snow in Bariloche, but what I didn’t tell her was that he only took me once and then disappeared. She told me that it wasn’t in Bariloche, but some mountain. What mountain? I don’t know, Lorenza, I don’t know what mountain, we didn’t get into details. Andrea told me that it was the only time in her life that she’d seen snow, never again after that, even after she became an adult. Now that I think about it, el negro César took his kids to see the snow only once, like Ramón did with me. It’s an important part of the story. And they were lucky because it snowed. Well, maybe he took his kids to the mountains several times, but it only snowed that one time.