Kelly Link - Get in Trouble - Stories

The gardeners again with their terrible shears.

“No more old-people ghost stories,” Portia said. “Okay?”

Sullivan pushed himself up toward the whitewashed ceiling. “Don’t ask for ghost stories if you don’t want them, Portia,” he said.

“I know,” Portia said. “I know! I guess you spooked me. So it must have been a good one, right?”

“Right,” Sullivan said, mollified. “I guess it was.”

“That poor girl,” Aune said. “To relive that moment over and over again. Who would want that, to be a ghost?”

“Maybe it isn’t always bad?” Mei said. “Maybe there are well-adjusted ghosts? Happy ghosts?”

“I never saw the point,” Sullivan said. “I mean, they say ghosts appear as a warning. So what’s the warning in that story I told you? Don’t get caught in the forest during a tornado? Don’t get cut in half? Don’t die?”

“I thought they were more like a memory,” Gwenda said. “Not really there at all. Just an echo recorded somehow and played back, what they did, what happened to them.”

Sisi said, “But Aune’s ghosts — the other Aune — they looked at her. They wanted her to come down and eat with them. What would have happened then?”

“Nothing good,” Aune said.

“Maybe it’s genetic,” Mei said. “Seeing ghosts. That kind of thing.”

“Then Aune and I would be prone,” Sullivan said.

“Not me,” Sisi said. “I’ve never seen a ghost.” She thought for a minute. “Unless I did. You know. No. It wasn’t a ghost. What I saw. How could a ship be a ghost?”

“Don’t think about it now,” Mei said, imploring. “Let’s not tell any more ghost stories. Let’s have a gossip instead. Talk about back when we used to have sex lives.”

“No,” Gwenda said. “Let’s have one more ghost story. Just one, for my birthday. Maureen?”

That breeze licked at her ear. “Yes?”

“Do you know any ghost stories?”

Maureen said, “I have all of the stories of Edith Wharton and M. R. James and many others in my library. Would you like to hear one?”

“No,” Gwenda said. “I want a real story.”

Portia said, “Mei, you must know a ghost story. No old people, though. I want a sexy ghost story.”

“God, no,” Mei said. “No sexy ghosts for me. Thank God.”

Sisi said, “I have a story. It isn’t mine, of course. Like I said, I’ve never seen a ghost.”

“Go on,” Gwenda said.

“Not my ghost story,” Sisi said. “And not really a ghost story. I’m not sure what it was. It was the story of a man that I dated for a while.”

“A boyfriend story!” Sullivan said. “I love your boyfriend stories, Sisi. Which one?”

We could go all the way to Proxima Centauri and back and Sisi still wouldn’t have run out of stories about her boyfriends, Gwenda thought. But here she is, here we are, all of us together. And what are they? Dead and buried. Ghosts! Every last one of them.

“I don’t think I’ve told any of you about him,” Sisi was saying. “This was during the period when they weren’t building new ships. Remember? They kept sending us out to do fund-raising? I was supposed to be some kind of Ambassadress for Space. Emphasis on the dress, little and slinky and black. I was supposed to be seductive and also noble and representative of everything that made it worth going to space for. I did a good enough job that they sent me over to meet a consortium of investors and big shots in London. I met all sorts of guys, but the only one I clicked with was this one dude, Liam.

“Okay. Here’s where it gets complicated for a bit. Liam’s mother was English. She came from this old family, lots of money and not a lot of supervision and by the time she was a teenager, she was a total wreck. Into booze, hard drugs, recreational Satanism, you name it. Got kicked out of school after school after school, and after that she got kicked out of all of the best rehab programs, too. In the end, her family kicked her out. Gave her money to go away. She ended up in prison for a couple of years, had a baby. That was Liam. Bounced around Europe for a while, then when Liam was about seven or eight, she found God and got herself cleaned up. By this point her father and mother were both dead. One of the superbugs. Her brother had inherited everything. She went back to the ancestral pile — imagine a place like this, okay? — and tried to make things good with her brother. Are you with me so far?”

“So it’s a real old-fashioned English ghost story,” Portia said.

“You have no idea,” Sisi said. “You have no idea. So her brother was kind of a jerk. And let me emphasize, once again, this was a rich family, like you have no idea. The mother and the father and brother were into collecting art. Contemporary stuff. Video installations, performance art, stuff that was really far out. They commissioned this one artist, an American, to come and do a site-specific installation. That’s what Liam called it. It was supposed to be a commentary on the transatlantic exchange, the post-colonial relationship between England and the U.S., something like that. And what he did was he bought a ranch house out in a suburb in Arizona, the same state, by the way, where you can still go and see the original London Bridge. This artist bought the suburban ranch house, circa 2000, and the furniture in it and everything else, down to the rolls of toilet paper and the cans of soup in the cupboards. And he had the house dismantled with all of the pieces numbered, and plenty of photographs and video so he would know exactly where everything went, and it all got shipped over to England, where he built it all again on Liam’s family’s estate. And, simultaneously, he had a second house built right beside it. This second house was an exact replica, from the foundation to the pictures on the wall to the cans of soup on the shelves in the kitchen.”

“Why would anybody ever bother to do that?” Mei said.

“Don’t ask me,” Sisi said. “If I had that much money, I’d spend it on shoes and booze and vacations for me and all of my friends.”

“Hear, hear,” Gwenda said. They all raised their bulbs and drank.

“This stuff is ferocious, Aune,” Sisi said. “I think it’s changing my mitochondria.”

“Quite possibly,” Aune said. “Cheers.”

“Anyway, this double installation won some award. Got lots of attention. The whole point was that nobody knew which house was which. Then the superbug took out the mom and dad, and a couple of years after that, Liam’s mother, the black sheep, came home. And her brother said to her, ‘I don’t want you living in the family home with me. But I’ll let you live on the estate. I’ll even give you a job with the housekeeping staff. And in exchange you’ll live in my installation.’ Which was, apparently, something that the artist had really wanted to make part of the project, to find a family to come and live in it.

“This jerk brother said, ‘You and my nephew can come and live in my installation. I’ll even let you pick which house.’

“Liam’s mother went away and talked to God about it. Then she came back and moved into one of the houses.”

“How did she decide which house to live in?” Sullivan said.

“Good question,” Sisi said. “No idea. Maybe God told her? Look, what I was interested in at the time was Liam. I know why he liked me. Here I was, this South African girl with an American passport, dreadlocks, and cowboy boots, talking about how I was going to get in a rocket and go up in space, just as soon as I could. What man doesn’t like a girl who doesn’t plan to stick around?

“What I don’t know is why I liked him so much. The thing is, he wasn’t really a good-looking guy. He had a nice round English butt. His hair wasn’t terrible. But there was something about him, you just knew he was going to get you into trouble. The good kind of trouble. When I met him his mother was dead. His uncle was dead, too. They weren’t a lucky family. They had money instead of luck. The uncle had never married, and he’d left Liam everything.