Louis de Bernières - The Dust That Falls From Dreams

After the merriment had subsided a little, Ash sipped at his whisky, and said, ‘There is something I do have to tell you all.’

We fell silent, realising that something ominous was about to be said. Ash cleared his throat and announced, ‘I have enlisted with the Honourable Artillery Company. I feel that I have to go. To do my bit. I wanted to make sure I was really engaged to Rosie before I went.’ He hesitated, and added, ‘And Albert and Sidney have enlisted with me.’

My father was stunned, but my mother said, ‘Good boy.’ Sophie and Christabel and Ottilie exchanged horrified glances. As for me, I found myself standing up and saying, ‘Of course you have to go,’ but then I ran from the room, startled by the horrible wailing that I knew was coming from me.

I RAN OUT after her and found her in the room at the front where the family Bible is. She had collapsed on the window seat and was weeping in tremendous sobs. I picked her up in my arms and said, ‘Rosie, Rosie, Rosie.’ She laid her head on my chest and put her arms round my neck. I could feel her light body trembling.

‘You don’t have to go,’ she said.

‘I sure do, darling, I sure do,’ I said. ‘I’ve done the deed. I’ve taken the King’s shilling. I had no idea you’d be so upset.’

‘I thought we’d be safe,’ she said. ‘You’re American. You didn’t have to go. Or Sidney and Albert.’

‘But we love it here,’ I said. ‘We come from New England, and we love the old one just as much, probably even more. We’ve lived here most of our lives. I’ve always been ashamed of my countrymen for turning traitor back in 1776.’

‘No you haven’t. You’re always gloating about how you won and we lost. You think it’s brave and clever to throw perfectly nice crates of tea into the sea, and you always forget how Canada and Florida wanted to stay British! Anyway, you’ve got to love Scotland too,’ said Rosie, smiling despite her tears. ‘Father’s Scottish, remember? I’m half Scottish. You can’t just love England.’

‘I love both halves of you,’ I replied, ‘including any other parts from anywhere else. I’ve never been there, but I love Wales and Ireland too. And the Isle of Wight. And Croydon.’

‘Why do you have to go away, though? Why can’t you stay and work in a hospital or something? Why can’t you drive a train or go and be a fireman? So many people have … so many have been killed already. What about Mons? And the Marne? And Flanders? Have you seen the death notices in The Times ?’

‘Don’t forget the Angels of Mons,’ I said. ‘God’s with us, not with them. We’re defending the right.’

Rosie’s weakness was God. She was always devout, even when she was a child. She was born with the kind of faith that you can’t argue with. This time she stayed silent for a moment, and then she said quietly, ‘We still had to retreat.’

‘You are going to be an officer?’ she said, and I knew what she was getting at; she was hoping there’d be a long period of training before I got sent away. I shook my head. ‘I enlisted as a private,’ I said. ‘You get there a whole lot quicker. I was hoping I might be a gunner. They’ve got two batteries of horse artillery, and two ammunition columns, and a battalion of infantry, but the darned batteries are up to complement.’

She sat down on the window seat again, and looked down at her hands. ‘I suppose I should be encouraging you,’ she said weakly. I knelt and held her hands in mine. ‘Rosie darling, it’s the adventure of a lifetime. How could I possibly stay out of it? Do you think I could bear to live the rest of my life knowing that I hadn’t done my bit? That I didn’t heed the call?’

‘Do you remember what he said, Sir John French? It’ll all be over by Christmas, he said. But it won’t be. The Boche have got Belgium. You could be away for months.’

I felt as if I was cajoling a child. I was fired up with excitement about going to war. I felt a deep happiness, a sort of elation, as if I had suddenly found my purpose in life.

I said, ‘Every man who’s never been a soldier regrets it when he gets old. I don’t want any regrets.’

When we went back into the withdrawing room, Rosie was on my arm, still weak from her fit of tears, but she was managing to smile. The family got to its feet and applauded me. The sisters each kissed me on the cheek and hung upon my arms. I was very moved and touched. It was my greatest moment of glory, really. I gave Rosie’s arm a little squeeze in mine, and she said, ‘We’ll get married as soon as the war’s over. I’m sure it won’t be long.’

‘I’m bound to get some leave,’ I said. ‘We can be married when I’m on leave, if the war goes on too long. Would it be asking too much if Albert was best man?’

I went out and bought a little etching. It was by a certain L. Rust, and it was called Adieu . I wanted to give it to Rosie at Christmas, but if I had already gone, I would leave it for my mother to take round to her.

I CAN’T TELL you, old laddie, how completely dismaying this all is. First of all the bank rate went up. It was the 31st of July 1914. I’ll always remember that date. To tell the truth I was quite delighted initially. I’ve got tidy sums deposited here and there. It went from 4 per cent to 8 per cent, and then to 10 per cent, and just when I was rubbing my hands with glee, the blighters closed the Stock Exchange. I didn’t get invited to the conference with the Chancellor. If I had there would have been sparks flying, let me tell you. You couldn’t get credit anywhere.

How was I supposed to earn a living? I have four charming daughters and a truculent wife. You’re a man of the world, old boy, you know how these things happen, and I’m sure you’re no different to me when it comes down to it, but I’ve got two mistresses current, and one retired, and they’ve each got a house and children to look after. The anxiety almost kills me. I got a note only last week — ‘Dear Ham, please send money, the children int got no shoes.’

It was all very well, wasn’t it, sitting around and saying, ‘Well, what’s Serbia got to do with us?’ Now we know. It means less money supply, unemployment, unsaleable securities, a dearth of necessities. That’s what it’s got to do with us, damn it!

What on earth are the Huns up to? What on earth was the point?

Then there’s the moratorium on debts, you know, the Postponement of Payments Bill. God help us. A lot of people owe me a lot of money. When am I going to get it? I don’t owe anybody anything, so what use is it to me? How am I supposed to pay the tradesmen? Let’s hope it never gets implemented.

Still, it was a bright day when the state insurance of merchant vessels came in. Did wonders for confidence. Actually it saved the bacon of my future son-in-law’s father. What will he be then? A cousin-in-law? I never did understand how one is related to people. If I found out I was your second cousin three times removed, I wouldn’t have a clue what it meant. He’s in shipping, you know. The father. You might know him. The name’s Pendennis. Anyway, thank God for that. It made everything possible again. Have you seen any of the new ten-shilling and one-pound notes yet? I just hope it doesn’t undermine the currency. Coins inspire more confidence, don’t you think?

The bank rate’s back down to 5 per cent again now, more’s the pity, but it shows what happens when the government promises to prop up the banks. I’m a businessman, it galls me, I must say, but the banks prop the rest of us up, so someone’s got to prop up the banks, eh?