Louis de Bernières - The Dust That Falls From Dreams

‘And?’

‘They both gave me up for a man, because they wanted children.’

‘Were you heartbroken?’

‘Of course. Both times. You’re very like them. You see, I can only love women. I think you’re the kind of woman who can love either. I just happened to come along first. Aren’t you often attracted to men?’

Christabel thought, and then nodded. ‘But with me it seems to be the person that counts.’

‘I thought so,’ said Gaskell. ‘That’s why I’m down in the dumps.’

Christabel said, ‘You have the most fascinating and beautiful eyes I have ever seen. I could live inside them. I really don’t think I could ever give them up.’

They looked out over the water, its surface rippled by smart gusts of wind. ‘Don’t you envy the ducks?’ said Gaskell. ‘Such a lovely simple life.’

‘No one to judge them, or make them feel ashamed.’

‘Mind you,’ said Gaskell, ‘they do get crunched by foxes.’

DANIEL WAS AS nervous as he had been the first time he flew solo. He was in the dining room with Mr McCosh, who was in a good mood because his investment in Argentine railways was paying off handsomely. He had Caractacus, now half grown, in his arms.

‘I thought it wise to seek your advice,’ said Daniel. ‘I feel I’m on shaky ground.’

‘You certainly are,’ said Mr McCosh, stroking the cat’s head.

‘Yes?’

Mr McCosh indicated a chair and said, ‘Do sit down. Cigar?’

‘No, thank you, sir.’

‘Very wise. I am beginning to convince myself that they’re toxic. I dare say I’ll be giving them up one of these days. After I smoke one I often feel a mite dizzy, and I can feel my heart fluttering.’ He paused. ‘You do realise that she was engaged to Ashbridge from next door?’

‘Everybody keeps reminding me. A childhood friend, if you remember. We were “the Pals”. I saw him briefly in the trenches, early 1915, and he told me then that he and Rosie were engaged. I was very fond of him.’

‘As were we all. My wife refers to him as “our lost son”. But Rosie was utterly devoted to him. She thought he was made in Heaven specifically to be with her. When he was killed, well, she hasn’t been the same since. She has become increasingly strange.’

‘Strange?’

Mr McCosh looked out of the window. ‘What do you think about God? Religion?’

‘I have nothing to do with it to tell the truth. I’ve never seen any sense in it.’

‘Well, you would be quite incompatible with Rosie. She adores Our Lord more than she adores anyone, perhaps even more than she adored Ashbridge. The Bible is her reference for deciding absolutely everything and anything. She’s almost a Roman. It wouldn’t surprise me if she became one. How can I put it? Her religiousness is altogether vehement. I don’t see how you two could possibly get on if you’re a sceptic. You may not have realised it yet, Daniel, but a couple can’t get on if they don’t have the same assumptions. You would irritate and bewilder each other. I might add, she has a strong puritanical streak, which is completely absent in you, and she does things out of duty even when she knows they’re not right.

‘Furthermore, my good wife, Mrs McCosh, adored Ashbridge just as much as Rosie did. You must realise that you would have to displace him from the hearts not of one woman, but two. I scarcely think it can be managed.’

‘Are you opposed to the idea of having me as a son-in-law?’

‘Absolutely not, but you should have taken a fancy to one of the others. You cannot possibly be happy with Rosie, or she with you. Do try Ottilie or Christabel if you want to be married. Ottilie is quiet, but there is a wonderful, courageous and very womanly woman smouldering away inside, and Christabel is vigorous and in many ways rather magnificent. She would make a superb companion for the more adventurous type of man. You could take her salmon fishing or climbing in the Himalayas, and she’d catch the biggest fish and get to the top of the mountain several hours before you.’

‘But if Rosie accepted? If I keep proposing, and one day she accepts? I do have the feeling that she’s coming round to the idea. We have a lot of fun together, and she hardly ever turns down my invitations.’

‘I wouldn’t forbid it. Of course not. I merely advise strongly against it. I do very greatly approve of you personally — how could I not? — but she will make you unhappy, Daniel. Be sure of it.

‘We have become exceptionally good friends. She’s a wonderful companion. I haven’t had such fun since I first joined the RFC.’

‘And how do you propose to provide for her?’

‘I’m in the RAF. I have my officer’s salary.’

‘Don’t count on the RAF, old boy. They’ll send you packing the moment they find they have more men than they need. It’s the same in any industry, and at the moment war is an industry in recession.’

‘I want to stay in aviation,’ said Daniel. ‘I love flying more than anything.’

‘There are thousands of aviators left over from the war, and you all love flying. Have you thought of motorcycles?’

‘Oddly enough, I have,’ said Daniel.

‘I am assuming that the motorcycle will be the preferred mode of transport for those who cannot afford a motor car for a great many years to come. Thousands of servicemen learned to ride them in the war, and I am certain they will wish to continue to do so. I know the people who run Henley. It’s a new company in Birmingham. I understand they make very fine machines. Until such time as everyone can afford a motor car, I would venture to prophesy that the motorcycle has a very profitable future. Would you like me to have a word with them?’

‘Yes, sir, thank you, sir.’

‘And another thing, Daniel.’

‘Yes, sir?’

‘My wife is not herself. Ever since the Folkestone bombing, it seems to me that her behaviour is becoming increasingly peculiar. We put up with it, of course. We either ignore her or humour her, and she certainly isn’t mad enough to lock up. I wonder, however, how much you will be able to put up with it all. A mother-in-law like her might be a very real strain for someone like you.’

‘I imagine we’d be moving away into our own quarters,’ replied Daniel. ‘And I’m very glad that you would allow me to marry Rosie.’

Mr McCosh put down the cat and went to the window, gazing out at the hydrangeas, his hands behind his back. ‘Ah, but please don’t,’ he said. ‘I will regret it very much when I am proved right. My advice is to go abroad for several months. You’ll find that eventually all your passion turns into a pleasant memory. And perhaps you should talk it over with Ottilie. She has a very good head on her.’

Daniel laughed. ‘Everyone tells me to talk to Ottilie. I already have, sir.’

‘And what does she say?’

‘She tells me to wait, and become friends first.’

‘Wonderful girl, Ottilie,’ said her father. ‘She’ll make a splendid wife one day. Why couldn’t you have fallen for her?’

SPEDEGUE ANSWERED THE door with her usual ill grace, but Fairhead gave her the time of day very civilly, and handed her his hat and coat. These days a good maid had become as hard to find as a bag of sugar in 1918. The war had taken them away into jobs that were better paid and offered them more liberty, and afterwards they had not come back, and neither could many people afford them anymore. Fairhead assumed that Madame Valentine owed Spedegue a debt of loyalty, and no doubt they had a certain long-standing allegiance to each other that was unsoured by such drawbacks as mere grumpiness.