Louis de Bernières - The Dust That Falls From Dreams

‘Do be careful how you go up that ladder into the attic,’ said Mrs McCosh.

‘I’ll make sure no one is standing underneath,’ said Christabel.

‘Ladies should not use ladders at all,’ said Mrs McCosh. ‘Who knows what might happen?’

‘The Queen of Serbia used a ladder recently,’ said Sophie. ‘She climbed up a ladder against a wall so that she could have a peek at Romania. I saw it in the papers.’

‘Did she?’ asked Mrs McCosh. ‘Well I never.’

‘It’s all right, she was wearing culottes.’

‘Culottes? Gracious!’

‘Oh, Mama, she’s teasing you,’ said Rosie. ‘I don’t think the Queen of Serbia is wearing rational dress.’

‘Rational dress!’ exclaimed Mr McCosh. ‘Have you seen the photographs? Thoroughly peculiar people wearing the most absurd things. Give me irrational dress or let me go naked.’

‘Hamilton!’ exclaimed his wife reprovingly, much to his satisfaction.

Christabel returned a few minutes later, and carefully laid out her pictures on the dining-room table. ‘There are one or two duds,’ she said apologetically. ‘There always are. I have absolutely no idea what this one is. I don’t even remember taking it.’

She indicated a blurred photograph in which a young woman in a wide hat was smiling shyly into the camera and waving with her right hand. ‘Whoever she is, she’s very sweet.’

Fairhead fell silent and started to tremble. He put his hand to his forehead and looked as though he were about to faint.

‘Are you all right?’ asked Rosie, looking at him with concern.

‘Did you take your camera to that séance?’ he asked.

‘My Box Brownie?’ said Christabel. ‘I take it everywhere in my bag, just in case something good comes up. Why?’

‘That’s my little sister,’ said Fairhead.

DANIEL FOUND OTTILIE alone in the middle of the drawing room. ‘My, this is strange, isn’t it?’ he said, waving his hand to indicate the absolute emptiness of the room.

‘It’s what we always do,’ said Ottilie. ‘It doesn’t matter how careful he is, the sweep always fills the room with horrid black dust and soot. Draping everything with sheets just doesn’t seem to be enough, so we always empty the rooms out completely. It’s funny what turns up sometimes. We found Papa’s magnifying glass under an armchair, and we have absolutely no idea how it got there all the way from his study.’

Daniel went to the window and clasped his hands together behind his back. He remembered vaulting over the wall, and smiled. ‘Ottie?’ he said.

‘Yes?’

‘Do you mind if I ask your advice?’

‘Advice? What advice could I possibly give you?’

‘Well, I find myself in a tricky spot.’

‘Do you? How irksome for you! But how can I help?’

‘It’s Rosie.’

‘Oh well, I suppose I might have known.’

‘Have I made it that obvious?’

‘It’s obvious to me and Christabel and Sophie. We’ve been gossiping about it for ages. You’ve been turning up just like Fairhead when he was after Sophie.’

They went into the conservatory, as if it gave them more privacy, and Daniel asked, ‘What do you think I should do?’

‘I think you should spend a very long time becoming friends with her before you even think of anything like a proposal. You should take her to the moving pictures, and smoking concerts, and art exhibitions, and if it’s freezing you must take her skating, and Mama taught her to play golf, so you might get her interested in that again. You have hours and hours to get to know each other whilst you’re looking for balls in the rough.’

‘Two months? Do you think that two months would be enough?’

‘No, Daniel. A year at least.’

‘Oh God. A year? It seems unbearable. I’m on such tenterhooks.’

‘You love her that much?’

‘Absolutely smitten.’

‘Daniel, my dear, you do know all about Ashbridge?’

‘Well, of course. We were all Pals, weren’t we?’

‘Rosie is the kind of woman who only ever has one grand passion.’

‘Hmm, that’s not what I wanted to hear, really.’

Ottilie came over and tucked her arm through his, squeezing it reassuringly. She smiled up at him, her dark eyes rich with conspiracy.

‘You know, Ottie,’ said Daniel, ‘you’re a real little darling. If I had any sense I’d have fallen for you.’

‘Well, you know me. I’m a dark horse. My great passion was Archie. I expect you remember.’

‘Of course I do. And he had eyes only for Rosie.’

‘Don’t you think he might be a little upset if you were to marry her?’

‘But he hasn’t seen her for years! I doubt if he thinks of her once a month.’

Ottilie thought, and said, ‘Daniel, I do believe that if I had any sense, I’d fall for you too.’

‘You can be my sister,’ said Daniel. ‘I never had one, and I really wish I did. Boys with sisters are so lucky, don’t you think? Will you be my honorary sister?’

Ottilie stood on tiptoe and kissed him on the cheek. ‘Of course I’ll be your sister. And hope to be your sister-in-law. And I’d love it so much if you could make me an aunt. Fingers crossed.’

She held up her right hand with forefinger and middle finger crossed.

‘Yes, fingers crossed,’ repeated Daniel. ‘You really think it’ll take a year?’

Just then there was a sudden crash as a long pane of glass shattered, throwing shards all over the conservatory, and a golf ball landed at Daniel’s feet.

‘Oh my goodness!’ exclaimed Ottilie, clutching her hand to her breast. ‘I’ve never had such a shock in my life!’

Daniel went to the window, and saw Mr McCosh striding up the lawn with a golf club in his hand. ‘I think we’ve found the culprit,’ he said.

Hamilton McCosh hurried up the steps of the conservatory. ‘Damn it!’ he said. ‘So sorry. Must have given you a wee surprise! Anyone hurt?’

‘Daddy, aren’t you supposed to shout “Fore!”? And what on earth do you think you’re doing whacking golf balls at the house?’

Hamilton McCosh was abashed. ‘It’s my new golf ball,’ he explained. ‘I realised there was a need for a decent ball you can use for practice in the garden. It would have to weigh the same as the real thing, behave the same in flight, and travel about a quarter as far. I think that this one travels a little too far.’

‘I think it does, Daddy. But why did you have to whack it in this direction?’

‘Well, lassie, I didna want to hit it over the fence, did I? Imagine losing your prototype! I’ve only got the one.’

‘Is this one of your projects with Professor Smithells?’

‘It is indeed.’ McCosh looked at Daniel, and explained. ‘He’s a professor at the Victoria University. We came up with a good gas mask once.’ He held up the ball. ‘We’re going to call it the Gardenrite.’

‘Well, at present, Daddy, it seems to be the Gardenwrong.’

McCosh waved his hand to indicate the shattered glass. ‘Don’t tell your mother. I’ll get on to Beasley straight away, and with any luck she’ll never find out.’

‘Scout’s honour,’ said Ottilie, and Daniel handed the offending golf ball over to Mr McCosh.

‘Ah, thank you, Daniel. Very kind. We’d better get Millicent to come and clear up the mess. Did I tell you I’ve come up with a new golf club? It’s made of a telescopic steel tube so that it compresses down to almost nothing, and the head is adjustable, on a ratchet, so you can make the loft anything you like. Hey presto, you only need one club! No more lugging round a bag of seven!’

‘It’s a brilliant idea,’ said Daniel cautiously. ‘But I rather like my bag of seven. Having lots of them is part of the fun. They each have their own character.’