Christopher WunderLee - Moore's Mythopoeia

The matter grew worse before it grew better, as the trend evolved into a much worse ritual, that of sloganese, which rose up as a rival to the trendy speech pattern and quickly overcame its foe in prominence. An inquiry was held in the highest offices of the representative body politic to divine some solution, celebrities were brought in, linguists, neologists, language professors, reporters, and ad agency executives. The world pondered the fate of its expression. The entire system was threatened, if people could not communicate, there could be no harmony. Perfection was within reach, yet no one could say so…

“Perfection! Live the Right Way!”

“Right! It’s the Way to Go!”

“It’s Hard to Ignore the Sign!”

“It’s only for health. Perfection!”

“Give your life a lift!”

“Perfection. Harmony for everyone!”

“Regular speech! Good conversations! Good fun! Good people!”

Through a series of public service announcements and a posh advertising campaign that spanned the globe (still holding the record for most costly in history), the dark days of communication were defeated. It was the first time all the governments of the world worked together on one cause, and it caused an unmitigated camaraderie between nations.

What used to be called the United States of America joined government systems with a country called Kanada in a showing of North American unity. In a rare, yet comical episode in history, as the age of correction first began to rear its narcissistic head, with individuals having an understandably difficult time with all the right of the world, the latter was almost invaded by its southern neighbor simply so that the youth of this former geographical entity had something to do for a few years.

It was narrowly avoided when the northern state voted unanimously to surrender before a single shot was fired. Imagine, if you will, the collective groan from the future Alexander the Greats who had dug three thousand miles of trenches and had armed themselves with romantic visions of death at the hands of rugged lumberjacks and sheep herders. However, from this averted conflict, sprang the morological framework for a worldwide movement dubbed ecumenism that originated on the continent of Europe. After a few years, the southern country, Mexica, won acceptance into the Collective Capitalist Union of North America and the first continental power was established. While Europe and America drew together, essentially reversing the forces of nature that had broken them apart in prehistory, the former South American countries, whose names have been lost, formed their own nation. Over a boundary dispute, peaceful in all its pure miscommunication, the Collective Capitalist Union of North America won their case in the World Court of Appeals and took government control of its southern neighbor (for the good of all, thank god). This formed the United Republic of Western Hemisphere Capitalist States (URWHCS). The continents of Africa and Asia were economically forced to form collectives, as well and within a few generations, the Pan-EuroAsiaAfrica Congregation of Unified Republics was formed. The ancient countries of Iceland and Greenland were annexed by the URWHCS when Joseph was a child and then, in a feat not yet equaled, the Robinson E. Grant Transatlantic Suspension Bridge was constructed, joining North America and Europe for the first time since dinosaurs walked the earth. Not to be out-done, the Pan-EuroAsiaAfrica Congregation of Unified Republics bridged the gap between the continents of Asia and Australia. This was quickly followed by the URWHCS’s construction of the Great Aleutian-Siberia Railroad and Public Commuter Network System. Joseph was fortunate enough to be of voting age when the world decided unanimously to form the Patrician Affiliation of National Governments Equal Authority, the first worldwide ruling body in history. For the first time, citizens belonged to states, as well as a greater community, a neighborhood that encompassed the population of the entire planet. This was the end of all wars, of all national disputes, of all economic sanctions, of all differences (however anti-Malthusian, it was seen as a positive accomplishment).

Immigration between states was not only free, but also encouraged. Ethnicities mingled, married, former rival countries became partners, their citizens family members, the distinctions of a regional existence disappeared within a few generations, the notions of better land, strategic positions, and borders became extinct (alas, the second subjective annihilation recorded in the sediment of geological playgrounds). The people of the earth became one population, one group, one nationality (imagine the collective glee that emanated out into the cosmos, it must have been mystifying). Before long, there were no white people, no black people, no yellow people, no brown people, not even any purple people (although it should be noted that although this was deemed to be a popular division of pigment shading in the 20 thCentury, no actual evidence has ever been found to suggest this was anything more than the galimatias of popular fancy), no striking differences between Mongols and Europeans, between Asians and Americans, between Indians and Africans, between Arabs and Aboriginals, all were of the same complexion, the same height, the same skin color, the same eye diameter, the same hair consistency and texture. The world was of one race.

The ever persistency of science and technology also claimed the life of religion. When Joseph was a child there was only the World Church of Remembrance, but by the time he entered his secondary education, there was but a small clergy and a dying congregation. Once he was married (by a COO of the Peace) religion was an antiquated word used to describe a person’s lack of logical thinking, a derogatory remark used to badger a person into realizing they were mistaken in their reasoning (or that they were behaving in a very Lyotardian manner). Religion, which had seen a diminishing following for thousands of years, ended on October 12 thwith the death of the last Supreme Chancellor of Faith and Hope, Putin Zingxang in what was then, Delhi, Asian Unified States of Democracy and Decency.

All the achievements (arguably the death of enterprise and the birth of antipathy) of humanity were focused on the divine principle of harmony (Lucretian in all of its peaceful precepts), and they had done the best an infallible race could hope for in reaching their goal. With no disease, no hunger, no differences to fight over, no racism, no war, no terrorism, no problems, the world was at peace, content, a provider that was flourishing in response to good works of its protectors.

Joseph was one of them, a citizen of the world who daily ensured its continued happiness. He was a member of organizations, he was a worker with an impeccable record, he was a consumer who almost always met his purchasing goals, he voted in every election (as was the requirement, unless one wanted to pay a nominal fee), he paid his taxes, he married and gave happiness to another person, he procreated and had only two children, ensuring the continuance of his ideals without over-taxing the world community, he mowed his lawn, he invited neighbors over for barbeques, he gave his children a hefty allowance and did all he could to see that they used it for only frivolous items, he accumulated products, he was brand loyal, he took his medication every day, without fail, he went to the dentist four times a year, he visited his doctor for a mental and physical evaluation every two months, he bought life insurance for himself, his wife, his children, he bought fire insurance, car insurance, dismemberment insurance, accidental insurance, flood insurance, even though there was no river within two hundred meters of his home, earthquake insurance, even though the occurrence of such a phenomena had been quelled by the ingenuity of terraconsistency engineers, medication insurance, baby stroller insurance, tire insurance, neotenical disease insurance, jeofail insurance, desipient insurance, methane gas insurance, carbon monoxide insurance, head injury insurance, benign tumor insurance, currency insurance, property insurance, accidental death insurance, time insurance, and spousal abuse insurance. Joseph went as far as was expected of him in college, being characterized (in an especially Theophrastusian manner) as a C-lister, and then moved aside so that others could achieve their goals.