Ann Beattie - Distortions

*

“Did you know that this was called mooning in the sixties? College kids did it.”

The spaceman snaps away. Estelle is making a fool of herself.

*

“What are you going to bring me, Daddy?” the spaceman’s son asks.

“You’re greedy.”

“What are you going to bring me?”

“What do you want?”

“More goldfish.”

“The damn things die. I bring them all the way back and they’re dead in a week.”

“I told you. That’s because I need a real aquarium with a pump and a filter.”

“It’s too much trouble to bring the things back. Isn’t there something else I could bring you?”

“No. I want that.”

“I’ll do it if I have time. You can’t just buy goldfish everywhere.”

“Go where you can get them.”

“This is my mission, kid. Okay?”

“When are you going to take me with you?”

“When you grow up.”

“I am grown up.”

“Grownups don’t want goldfish.”

*

“How did it go in the morgue, Estelle?”

“Fine,” Estelle says.

“Did you cut up dead bodies?”

Estelle comes into the living room. She can hardly wait to see if Big Bear is drunk. Estelle stares at Big Bear, who is reclining in his La-Z-Boy reclining chair. She sees that he is reclining because he is drunk.

“I thought you were going to Pete’s party tonight.”

“We were both going.”

“That’s what I said,” Estelle says.

“But now we’re not both going,” Big Bear grins. “We’re not going anywhere.”

“I know!” Estelle cries. She doubles over, as though somebody just passed her a football.

“Jesus Christ,” Big Bear says. “I didn’t know you wanted to go to Pete’s. I’m not so drunk we can’t go. Stand up, for Christ’s sake. What’s the matter with you, Estelle?”

*

“I hate not to be the perfect host,” Big Bear says to the spacemen. “But tomorrow is another day and …”

They seem not to have understood. If they smoked, Big Bear could empty the ashtrays.

“To be honest with you,” Big Bear says, although none of the spacemen seem interested, “we’ve had a big night and it’s about time for you to go.”

“The disgusting thing,” Donald says. “Blowing bubbles in his milk.”

“We’re all out of milk, now, Bobby. It’s about time for you to go,” Big Bear says.

“I hope he falls over and we can just leave him,” Donald says.

Fred has thrown a glass of milk against the wall. The glass was soft plastic, so it just bounced. The sound wasn’t loud enough to awaken Sammy and David. Estelle finds herself looking on the bright side of the spaceman’s little faux pas .

*

At a gas station in Big Bear City, California, a little boy gets out of his mother’s car to buy a soft drink.

*

Laura takes Big Bear’s coat. She turns to look at Big Bear as he walks away. I hope he picks the hors d’oeuvres that have liver hidden inside them, she thinks.

“Mommy!” the little boy says. “I put the money in and nothing happened.”

“Push the coin release.”

“What’s that?”

“Can I help?” the service attendant asks.

“That’s all right,” the little boy’s mother says. “I’ll take care of it.” She goes to the machine and pushes the coin-release lever. Nothing happens.

*

Lying in a field in Viet Nam, in the second before he dies, Estelle’s brother wonders what will happen to his Peugeot. He wonders why he’s thinking of his Peugeot instead of Estelle or his mother or father. Rather, he starts to wonder, but dies before the thought is fully formulated.

*

“Maybe I could get a picture of the two of you by the door. Could you get together and pretend that you’re going grocery shopping?”

“We don’t have to pretend we’re going grocery shopping. We’ll just stand by the door, as if we’re going out.”

“Pretend you’re going grocery shopping,” the spaceman says.

“We look the same way whether we’re going to the P.T.A. meeting, or going to get groceries, or to visit her parents.”

“Then, just stand by the door as though you were doing one of those things, please, Bill.”

“Wake up, Estelle,” Big Bear says. “Wake up. Come on, Estelle,” Big Bear says. “This is the last picture. Are you going to wake up?”

*

“The machine doesn’t work,” the little boy’s mother says to the service-station attendant. Just one more problem on grocery day in Big Bear City, California.

*

“You had quite a night,” the babysitter says cheerfully. The babysitter and Sammy are awake. David is still sleeping. Big Bear envies David.

“I didn’t know I left the milk bottle out,” the babysitter says apologetically.

“Actually, we came home a while ago and some friends had milk.”

The babysitter looks at the milk glasses. She also sees the one that has been thrown against the dining-room wall.

“Good-night,” Big Bear says, and climbs the stairs. Since they did not smoke, Estelle will have no ashtrays to empty and will join him soon. Not that he really cares. He is so tired he’d sleep with the spacemen. Except Fred … Jesus, it sure is good they loaded him out of the house, Big Bear thinks. If I had irritated them, they might have left him. Big Bear is glad that he only has Sammy and David. If they had tried for a girl, like Estelle wanted, it might have been retarded.

Big Bear falls into bed, with visions of Fred. It rhymes: bed, Fred. Big Bear falls asleep.

*

There has been a spaceship sighting in Reno, Nevada, and that’s where Estelle wants to go.

“Estelle, you heard them say that there are a lot of other spacemen. Any of them could have flown over Reno, Nevada.”

“We haven’t taken a trip in years. The boys should see some of the country.”

“Aren’t you going to summer school? What happened to your plans?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I paid a year’s tuition. I’d like to have a talk about why you’re quitting.”

“Something disgusting happened.”

“What?”

“I want to go to Reno,” Estelle says. “Will you take me or won’t you?”

“The spaceship won’t still be there.”

“There have been sightings all around Reno.”

“We’re going to take the boys to Reno and sit in a motel waiting to hear rumors of spaceships?”

“It’s my birthday,” Estelle says. “You have to please me on my birthday, and I want to take a trip.”

“What do you mean, I have to please you on your birthday?”

“I suppose you don’t have to be nice to me if you don’t want to, Bear. Excuse my presumption.”

“I already am nice to you. That night with the spacemen I let you act like a jackass. Anybody else would have straightened you out.”

“How gallant of you not to criticize me in front of my friends.”

“Friends? You met them once.”

“Of course no one would want to be my friend,” Estelle says. “Excuse me.”

“I didn’t say they weren’t your friends. I did say that. I don’t know. Let’s forget this, okay?”

“Let’s go to Reno, Nevada.”

“Oh, leave me alone,” Big Bear says.

*

Big Bear meant to avoid this card shop, but it’s so convenient, and he doesn’t have the time to look all around for another place to get Estelle’s birthday card. The woman will probably not be there anyway.

The woman is there. She finds Big Bear as he stands browsing through the Relative Birthday group of cards. She asks if she can help him.

“No, thanks,” Big Bear says.

“This is a nice one,” the saleswoman says, taking a big pink card down.

Big Bear looks. There is a plastic window, in the shape of a heart, through which a blond lady is visible. “My Darling” it says across the top of the card.