Miriam Toews - A Boy of Good Breeding

Hosea cleared his throat and nodded, “And?” he said. He smiled and glanced for a second at Bill Quinn, who was lying on the hot sidewalk licking his balls. Bill Quinn lifted his head for a moment, winked at Hosea, and then resumed his position, head bowed and bobbing, back leg sticking straight up in the air.

“And,” said the doctor, “I don’t know what to do.”

“Hmmm,” said Hosea. “I can understand that.” Leave! he thought to himself, Go to Indianapolis! Take Bill Quinn with you!

“I kind of like Algren,” said the doctor. “Especially now that summer is here, it’s an easy place to live, you know, an easy place to practise. I wish I could take on a few more challenges professionally, but then again, that may be overrated. I think people like me here, maybe—”

“Oh no, for sure, Doctor,” said Hosea. “They like you for sure. I know I do …” and he really did, he always had. He admired the doctor’s easy ways and his unfailing professionalism and dedication. And they will in Indianapolis, too, he thought sadly, and happily at the same time. This could be the one. The one to leave and make Algren’s population a perfect fifteen hundred. He could easily get another doctor immediately after July first, or so he hoped. The doctor and Hosea smiled at each other like a couple of kids.

“Thanks, Hosea,” said the doctor. “I like you, too.” He patted Hosea on the shoulder and Hosea smoothed down the front of his Canada T-shirt. He nodded.

“Good,” he said. He looked down at his white tube socks and back up at the doctor’s smiling face. “Good,” he said again, awkwardly patting the hand the doctor had rested on Hosea’s shoulder for the time being. Is this a French thing? he thought. He might kiss me.

“So, anyway,” said the doctor, much to Hosea’s relief, “I don’t know what to do.” A few drops of water fell from the doctor’s hair onto Hosea’s lap. How soon would this happen? thought Hosea, trying to remember what highway you take from Algren to Indianapolis. “At least,” the doctor continued, “I didn’t know what to do until this morning.”

“Oh,” said Hosea, “what happened this morning?” He used the heel of his right hand to smooth the drops of water into his shorts and immediately felt a sharp pain from the scar on his palm.

“Genvieve called and told me she’d be willing to move here if she could set up a darkroom and do her photography. I told her I had this offer to go to Indianapolis and she said if I did I could just, how do you say that, get out of her life …”

Of course she did, thought Hosea, hating all women for a split second and feeling intensely ashamed of himself. “Well,” he said, “does she want you to move back to Montreal?” The doctor shook his head and more drops of water fell onto Hosea’s shorts.

“No, no,” said the doctor. “That’s the thing. Now she wants to get out of Montreal, she’s tired of all this yes, no, yes, no business, so she’s decided to marry me and move to Algren.” The doctor was beaming. Hosea willed himself to smile back.

“That’s great,” he said meekly. “Wonderful. Wonderful news.” Hosea shook his head slowly as if to indicate the wonder of life and all its sudden glory.

“Well,” he cleared his throat, “I’m very happy that you’ll be staying in Algren. Your services have been … impeccable. And I’m really looking forward to meeting Genvieve.” Hosea stuck his hand out the window. “Put her there, Doc. Congratulations.”

The doctor put both his hands over Hosea’s and said warmly, “Thank-you, Mayor Funk.” Bill Quinn had stopped licking his balls and was fast asleep in the middle of the sidewalk. Hosea heard the faraway sound of a child laughing and a mother calling, “Come here right now and put your sun hat on. I mean it. Come here right now.”

“Well,” said the doctor, “I’d better be getting to work. Care to join me on my rounds today, Hosea? I know how much you enjoy visiting the hospital—”

“No, no,” said Hosea, smiling. “I’ll leave it to you. Say, when is your girlfriend coming?” He glanced at Bill Quinn. Had that damn dog cocked his ear just then? Was he listening to everything Hosea said? Hosea wiped his brow. I may need medication, he thought.

“Oh, in the fall,” said the doctor. “She has some loose ends to tie up over there, you know …”

“In the fall,” Hosea repeated. Thank the Good Lord Jesus Christ Almighty, amen, he thought. “Well,” he said, “in the fall. Lovely. That’s lovely.”

The doctor nodded. “I’m happy,” he said. “I love her.” Hosea was about to say, me too, but said instead, “I’m sure you do.”

The doctor whistled at Bill Quinn and said, “C’mon, boy, I’ll give you some leftover tuna casserole from the cafeteria … See ya, Hosea.” Bill Quinn leapt from the sidewalk, had a quick piss on one of Hosea’s tires, and left with the doctor. Hosea stayed where he was and looked at the position of his hands on the steering wheel. Ten to two, he thought. He remembered that stupid joke Tom had told him: “Hey, Hose, when’s it time for you to use a rubber? Ten to two, get it? Get it? The arms on the clock are the girl’s legs, get it?” Hosea had hated that joke. He hadn’t got it at first but when he did get it, he hated it. He hadn’t known what a rubber was and he’d never had sex in his life. At least, he hadn’t thought he had. Hosea moved his hands on the steering wheel to six o’clock. “And keep it on,” he heard the woman’s voice coming from far away. “If I see that sun hat lying on the ground you’re coming in for the rest of the day. And I mean it.”

Hosea drove away slowly from the curb. He felt his pulse and wondered if his heart was racing. “Relax, Hosea,” he said out loud. “Calm yourself.” He turned onto Second Street towards the water tower. That’s it, sweetheart , he heard the voice of Euphemia, that’s it. Find a peaceful place inside yourself and go there, Hosie, don’t worry anymore.

When Hosea was about five or six, he had insisted that Euphemia warm up his bed for him while he was in the tub, having a bath. Is it ready? he’d screech from the bathroom, is it ready? Warm as toast, Hosea, she’d yell from his bed, make a beeline for it! And Hosea would leap from the tub, grab a towel and run for his preheated bed. At just the right moment Euphemia would lift the blanket and Hosea would dive in. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new record, Euphemia would always say and make up a time less than the one before. Hank Williams would be singing in the living room and Euphemia would read a Reader’s Digest or a novel and Hosea would curl up next to her and fall asleep.

Well, thought Hosea as he drove down Second Street, that was a peaceful place. He tugged on his shirt and cleared his throat.

He drove into the tiny parking lot at the base of the water tower and got out of his car. That’s a beautiful thing, he thought to himself. The workers at the top waved down at him from their scaffolding and gave him the thumbs-up sign. Not one of them was wearing a shirt. Hosea cleared his throat again and returned the gesture. “Nice,” he yelled up at the men.

“What’s that?” one of them yelled back.

“Nice!” said Hosea. “Nice work!”

“Okay,” said the guy at the top, and went back to his painting. It was perfect, thought Hosea. It was exactly the colour of the sky at five o’clock on a June morning, the colour of Knutie’s cigarette filters, and now all it needed was the giant decal of the flying white horse and it would be complete. A week to go, he thought, and the paint needs two days to dry completely, hopefully it won’t rain, the painters will be done painting today, they promised, which means the decal goes on on Thursday and then … then it’s time, thought Hosea, then it’s the day. He remembered a recent Associated Press photograph of the Prime Minister avoiding a scrum of reporters and holding his briefcase high over his head, the way a soldier holds his gun up in the air when he wades through a stream. It looked like a backgammon game, thought Hosea. In fact, all those politicians look like they’re hurrying to important backgammon tournaments all over the country. Hosea thought about his own briefcase and frowned. He wondered for a split second if he could get away with carrying around his old backgammon game on the first when the Prime Minister came to town, but quickly thought better of it. No, he’d have to get Lorna to buy him a sleek, hard-edged briefcase in the city. He waved good-bye to the backs of the painters on the water tower and got back into his car, reminding himself to make that call to Lorna as soon as he got home.