Russell Banks - Rule of the Bone

But it’s also true that it was coldhearted too, my asking Evening Star if I could fuck her or to be exact if she would fuck me. A, because I was wicked curious in a scientific sort of way about what it’d be like and had been wondering about the mechanical details of screwing for at least a couple of years, ever since I first found out about Russ and other guys my age or slightly older getting laid by girls they picked up at the mall and so on. And B, because of Doc and I-Man. More than my general ongoing hominess and Evening Star’s buff appearance and more than the Pleasure Island lifestyle of Starport and definitely more than the requirements of scientific curiosity, the force that drove me to hit on Evening Star in the kitchen that evening was my need to try and undo the sin I’d committed against I-Man.

When I told Doc the night of my birthday that I-Man’d screwed Evening Star I’d separated myself from I-Man and joined up with Doc. It only lasted a minute and I did it because Doc was my father but still I’d betrayed my best friend and teacher and he’d died for it maybe. Now though, by committing the same crime against Doc as I-Man’d done, which was to steal something that Doc thought was his but actually wasn’t since it was a person, I’d be separating myself from Doc and joining up with I-Man again. Stealing is only a crime but betrayal of a friend is a sin. It’s like a crime is an act that when you’ve committed one the act is over and you haven’t changed inside. But when you commit a sin it’s like you create a condition that you have to live in. People don’t live in crime, they live in sin. I didn’t know if it’d work, I was still new at this sin-versus-crime business but I had to try. I already had enough experience as a criminal to know that you can’t undo a crime. Even a so-called minor crime. When it’s done it’s done. I’d known that since the day I got kicked out of my mom’s and stepdad’s house for stealing my grandmother’s coin collection. But a sin which can go on forever irregardless of whether you’re punished for it I was hoping could be undone. Even if I had to commit a crime to do it. Well, sort of a crime. Like I said, Doc didn’t really own Evening Star, he only thought he did.

She stood there by the stove with this little smile on her lips for a long time not saying anything, like she was running a mental video on fast forward to see how screwing me might turn out. Finally she let go of the spoon she’d been stirring with and carefully lowered the stove flame. She turned back to me and smiled. Yall want to do it now? she says.

Sure. Why not?

She glanced at the clock on the wall like this won’t take long and said she had to get something from her bedroom first that I figured was some kind of birth control device which was cool as I was definitely not into fatherhood. Wait for me in the laundryroom, she said. I reckon nobody’ll bother us there. Except you maybe. And I’ll have y’all with me this time, won’t I, darlin’?

Yes you will! I said and went through the door into the darkened laundryroom where there was a washer and dryer and various yard tools plus the little cot against the wall in back. I could tell I already had a wicked huge boner but I didn’t take off my clothes or anything yet. I remembered from porn films and such that the female always takes off her clothes first so I just sat there on the cot like in a doctor’s office until the kitchen door swung open and I could see from the daylight behind her that she’d taken off her bathing suit and was only wearing the striped gauzy shift now and nothing underneath. My breathing had definitely speeded up and I could hear my heart pounding and my hands were all sweaty. I was seriously scared, more of doing something bad than scared of Evening Star herself but no way I’d turn back now.

She came over and sat down beside me and started kissing me and putting her tongue in my mouth and all that and guided my hands around to her nipples but the didn’t need much guidance so she let go of my hands and started unbuttoning and unzipping my cutoffs. I kicked off my old sandals then and wriggled out of my tee shirt and she let her shift fall off and lay back and pulled me straight to her and I went right up inside like despite everything of a sexual nature that’d happened to me in the distant past this was exactly what I was made for. I’ll spare you most of the details but she pretty much controlled everything which was cool because otherwise on my own I probably would’ve hopped around there for a few seconds and that would’ve been it and I would’ve had to wait for five or ten minutes of downtime before I could do it again which would’ve been embarrassing. But she clamped onto my ass with her hands and drew me slowly in and out and taught me to make certain hinky little hitching moves and drifty swirls with my hips that seemed to really do a job on her and I was feeling kind of proud but then when she started moaning and pulling me in faster and faster I found myself getting incredibly excited and then just as I started to have some really good thoughts about this, like how sex with another person really does block everything out of your mind except that person herself who fills your mind and becomes like the whole universe, and it really helps your concentration and lets you finally forget all your troubles, and it’s got so strong a pull on your attention that you actually can’t think about yourself anymore, you can’t even try, it even blocks out your thoughts, my thoughts got blocked out and I came.

She kept me moving for a little afterwards but then gave up I guess due to my thoughts having returned and let go of my ass and flopped back on the cot all wet with sweat and smelling like cake. She was smiling though, I could see in the dim light coming through the shuttered window and she looked wonderful to me, an amazing new creature on the face of the earth like from a different species than me and ten times more beautiful. She was a naked adult woman and I’d never seen one up close and leisurely before so I just kind of took my time and gazed at her.

I said I was sorry I came so fast but she said not to worry, I was really great and someday I’d be a worldclass lover. I had all the right moves, she said and she was proud and happy that she’d had the privilege of glimpsing my future which was a kind thing to do for a kid on his first try at regular sex, irregardless of his motives.

Well, she said, time for me to get back to makin’ dinner for my guests. And then I’m gonna jump in the pool an’ cool off. What about you, sugar? We won’t eat till after dark, when Jason finally gets that goat barbecued. I wouldn’t have done it but I promised Rita and Dickie some irie Jamaican roast goat an’ they’re holding me to it, bad girls.

I had my clothes back on and was standing next to the cot still kind of gazing at her beauty but my mind was clicking through the gears and moving rapidly on to the rest of my life. You know, I said to her, when I was out there like in Accompong I heard a few things. About Doc.

Oh? she said all suspicious.

Yeah, but nothing bad, you understand. One thing though I wanted to ask you before I talk to him about it myself.

What’s that, honey?

I heard he had another kid. Maybe more than one. Over in Kingston, you know? And I heard the mother was like Jamaican. I mean, some people knew he had a kid but not a white kid. That true?

There’s a lot about Doc that nobody knows, sugar. He’s a mystery man.

Yeah, but c’mon, you’d know if he had another kid than me. I don’t think it’s wrong or anything, you understand. It’s not like a sin, or a crime even. I just want to know and I can’t exactly ask him. Not right now anyhow.

No, not now for sure. But… well, yes, he wouldn’t mind me telling you, I’m sure, he’s just a little embarrassed to do it himself. But yes, he does have another son. Actually two, I think. But who knows with Doc? There could be other families in other lands. He’s that kind of man, you know. Anyhow y’all shouldn’t be jealous or anything. Doc loves you the most, I know that personally. He’s told me that a hundred times.