Russell Banks - Rule of the Bone

She says, They want to arrest you! And Ken agrees with them. He thinks it would be good for you, she says. But I’m trying to explain that we’ve all had a lot of trouble on the homefront this year and you’re just reacting to that. She goes, I’m trying to get you off, do you understand? Do you?

I said, Yeah, I understand.

Then she said, If you will march in there and say you’re sorry and say that you’ll come home with us and stay away from the mall, I think they’ll forget about the shoplifting. And Ken will go along. He’s upset, naturally, and very angry and embarrassed, but he’ll get over it if you’ll make some amends and stay out of trouble. This could be your last chance, mister, she says to me. Come on, and she took me by the arm and led me back into the office where my stepfather was joking with the store manager who was a bald middle-aged guy in red suspenders and bowtie and the head security guy who had a gun strapped to his waist, a real cowboy type, probably an ex-cop. The three of them are buddies now and they look at me and my mom like we’re insects.

Go ahead, my mom said to me and she pushed me forward a step. Just tell them what you told me.

I hadn’t told her anything but I knew what she wanted me to say. I felt weird, like I was in a movie and could say anything I wanted and it wouldn’t make any difference in the real world. They were all staring at me and waiting for me to say the desired thing but I looked down at my feet and said, My friend was going to lend me fifty bucks but he didn’t get paid in time. I don’t know why I said it but it felt good when I did, almost comical.

See, there you go! my stepfather says to his buddies. The kid doesn’t know right from wrong! What the hell did you want with a woman’s negligee? he said and laughed and held up the gown with his thumb and one finger like it was a porno costume or something and I was supposed to wear it.

No way I was going to answer him so I just stood there and after a minute or two with no one saying anything my mother grabbed me by the arm and led me back out to the storeroom. Listen, mister! she said, really upset. I’m going back in there one more time, and remember, I’m the one putting myself on the line for you! If I get them to let you go, you have to promise me that you’ll come home with us and that things will be different. I mean it, different! Do I have your word on that? Do I?

Yeah, I said and she left and went into the office. I could hear them arguing through the wall, my mother’s voice high-pitched and pleading and my stepfather’s voice low and grumbling and once in a while some comments from the store manager or the security cop. It seemed like hours but it was probably only a few minutes before my mother comes out all sad smiles now and she gives me this big hug and kisses me on the cheeks. She held both my hands in hers and looked at me and said, It’s all right. They’re going to let you go. Ken finally came over to my side on this, but like he said, it’s your last chance. Come on, let’s get out of here, she said. Ken’s going to meet us out front by the Sears entrance with the car. My goodness, she says smiling. You’re getting so tall, honey. It wasn’t true of course, I wasn’t even as tall as her and she’s short.

Then when we walk out into the mall I see Russ sitting on a bench over by the fountain chilling with a kid I didn’t know and a couple of girls from Plattsburgh High who’re smoking cigarettes and pretending that the guys aren’t there. Listen, Mom, I said. All my stuffs over at Russ’s place, okay? I’ll go by there with him and bring it over. You and Ken go ahead without me.

She seemed a little confused. What? Why can’t we just stop off there with you and get it now? You don’t need to go with Russ.

No, no, I said. The place is locked. I got to get it with Russ. I don’t have a key. Besides I still owe him twenty bucks for the rent. And I can’t get my stuff till I pay him. Can you give me twenty bucks, Mom?

I was broke and out of weed but I knew Russ was holding. I was already thinking about getting high with him and the girls he was talking to and riding around Plattsburgh in his Camaro.

No, she said. No! Of course I can’t give you any money! I don’t understand. Don’t you know what just happened in there? Don’t you know what I just went through?

Listen, Mom, just give me the money. I need the money.

What are you saying?

Give me the money.

What?

The money.

She looked at me in this strange fearful way, like she didn’t recognize me but almost did and I got this sudden new feeling of power and didn’t even feel guilty for it. Then she reached into her purse and pulled out a twenty and passed it over.

Thanks, I said, and I gave her a kiss on the cheek. I’ll be back later, after I get my stuff from Russ’s.

She put her hand to her mouth and took a few short steps away from me, then turned and disappeared into the crowd. And as I crossed over toward. Russ and the other kids I remember saying to myself, Now I’m a criminal. Now I’m a real criminal.

Christmas came and went like Thursday or Friday and nothing changed. I was still lurking around the mall but I wasn’t exactly a homeless boy yet until this one night I went up there alone because the bikers at Russ’s crib had been wired on meth for three days straight and finally they’d kicked me and Russ out for not having any weed. Russ said he was going to his mom’s to chill for a few days but no way I could do the same, not with my mom and stepdad still hanging up on me because of what happened when I got caught shoplifting and all. Russ said I couldn’t sleep in his car, he had it parked at his mom’s and she was definitely against that so I didn’t have anyplace to go which is why I decided to hitch up to the mall that night even though I didn’t have any money and no weed to sell.

It was snowing and I caught a ride from this air force guy heading back to the base and in the car I was like talking to myself saying, Asshole, asshole, asshole, all the way from where he’d picked me up in Au Sable. I really wanted to go home to my mom’s now or anyplace actually that was warm and homey but I didn’t know how to do it. The air force guy must’ve thought I was whacked on acid or something because he didn’t once ask me what the matter was, just dropped me like a turd at the exit off the Northway and booked.

I cruised awhile and ended up hanging by the fountain at the center of the mall which is more or less a crossroad looking for somebody I could bum a smoke off of when I spotted this little girl who I figured was lost. Her face was red like from crying although she was not at that moment crying, she was peeping around the place searching for her mom probably so I go, Hey, kid, how’s it going? You lost or something? She was maybe eight or nine, stringy blond hair, ratty red dress, and sneakers with no socks. I noticed the dress and no socks because it was cold and snowing out and it was unusual for a kid to be in a skimpy dress and almost barefoot. She stood by the fountain looking back and forth like this little alleycat caught in the middle of the road with cars whizzing past on both sides.

C’mere, kid, I said and got up and approached her a little too fast I guess because she jumped away from me. I’m not gonna hurt you, for chrissake, I said.

Then I felt the long arm of the law so to speak, a heavy hand on my shoulder and when I turn around I see the hand is black and it’s connected to one of the security guys, Bart, the same dude who I once sold some weed to and who busted me anyhow for shoplifting when I was only trying to do a little Christmas shopping to get back into my mom’s good graces. He’s ex-military from Rochester, sort of a dim bulb.