David Wallace - Broom of the System

There was just no way Lenore was going to sit in her chair with Peter Abbott right under her. She and Candy Mandible stood off, by the door to the cubicle, Candy smoking and making rings. Judith Prietht was frantic at the Bombardini Company board, but she did find time to keep darting looks over at Peter Abbott’s boots as they jiggled with his mysterious efforts. Peter was apparently attaching something to the Frequent and Vigorous switchboard console. Something long and intricate, and expensive, Candy had said. He had had to shut off the F and V console temporarily, which was just fine by Lenore.

Candy was smoking a clove cigarette, which are particularly good for rings, and she also from time to time dropped ashes into the opened bloom of one of the Yin-blossoms. “He is rich, you know,” she said to Lenore.

“That’s not nearly funny,” Lenore said, eyeing the flowers. “I’m thinking of maybe having Dr. Jay call the net people about him for me. At least he’s too big to get down in here anymore. I think. I hope.”

“Rich is not to be dismissed lightly, kiddo,” said Candy. “You may not want to be Stonecipheco-rich, but you can still not mind richness per se.”

“Is that why you’re with Mr. Allied now? Is he going to take you away from all this?” Lenore laughed and gestured.

“Well, we haven’t gotten past the just plain taking stage, yet.” Candy gave a smoky laugh. “This is a real man, Lenore.” She looked at her. “The world is turning out to be full of real, real men.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Candy lowered her voice, and Lenore could see her pupils spread. “I don’t know where you found that Lang guy, but good God.”

“Don’t want to hear about it.” Lenore looked away, at the back of Judith’s head, with a phone attached. “And anyway I’m possibly rich per se now, anyway, thanks to Vlad-royalties. We still need to talk at length about that, Candy. You’re supposed to be my friend. Vlad the Impaler’s friend.”

“Vlad’s probably got a cage entirely lined with full-length mirrors now. Vlad’s probably in a state of constant bird-orgasm.”

“Shit!” came Peter Abbott’s voice from under the console counter.

“Gesundheit,” Judith Prietht said among console-beeps.

“If things don’t work out in a month, Rick and I are going to get him back legally,” Lenore said. “Rick says he’ll hire a lawyer. It turns out Vlad the Impaler is legally his, because he’s got the receipt. He was being weird about Vlad last night.”

Judith Prietht swiveled in her chair; she had hit her Position Busy button. “Listen, Lenore honey…” She blinked and smiled. “Can I call you Lenore?”

“I’m not too sure about Lenore honey, Judith,” said Candy.

Lenore turned to Candy. “How come she’s being so nice today?”

“She wants you to get her Hart Lee Sykes’s autograph,” Candy said, tapping ashes. “She’s a God-Partner, apparently. Big time.”

“If you wouldn’t mind…” Judith started to croon.

“I’m hopefully not going to see Sykes again, Judith,” said Lenore.

“But you could write him,” Judith Prietht said. “You could call him, right from here, and I’d even pay for it if you wanted.”

“Oh, you wouldn’t have to—”

“And could you also ask him to… maybe to…?” Judith looked imploringly at Candy Mandible.

Candy rolled her eyes. “She wants you to get him to say a blessing over a picture of her cat.” Judith came out with a Polaroid and waved it at Lenore, as if Lenore were very far away.

“Judith, how about if I say I’ll do what I can. Maybe I can get Rick to talk to him; he’s going to deal with CBN people, he said.” Lenore stared absently at the soles of Peter Abbott’s boots.

Judith’s Position Release button started flashing that flash that means there are just too many calls piling up. She Accessed and Started In and waded back, blowing a kiss to Lenore.

“We’ve found the way to her heart, at least,” said Candy, making a fist to look at her nails.

Lenore was looking at Candy. “Listen,” she said. “What did you mean good God about Lang? You guys didn’t…?”

Candy watched herself make and unmake a fist. “Yes and no,” she said. “I mean I’m afraid yes we did, and did, and very definitely yes good God.” She saw Lenore’s look. “What can I tell you? I was bored, and Nick was meeting with supermarket chains, and he’ll never know. But no we won‘t, probably, ever again, I don’t think. First because Nick and I are really serious, and I think I’ve got a shot at richness per se, not to mention that Nick is almost a Lang, himself. Did Andy tell you his old college nickname, by the way?”

Lenore dug a bit of stone out of the tread of her sneaker.

“I died laughing,” said Candy.

“Lang is rich per se himself, you might want to know,” Lenore said. “His father owns a mammoth company in Texas. His father is supposedly more or less responsible for the G.O.D.” She looked up at Candy. “And then what about Clint Roxbee-Cox? Clint must be insane with jealously, over you and Mr. Allied.”

“Clint is admittedly not a happy man right now,” Candy said, arranging things in her purse on the switchboard counter. “But he’s a company man. And Nickie is the company. Clint told him he wishes us all the best, although Nick did say he didn’t much care for the way Clint was looking at his throat when he said it.”

“If you want to call Mr. Vigorous now, you can use my phone,” Judith shot over.

“Well Judith I’m supposed to go up and see him after lunch, anyway,” said Lenore. “He’s getting Vern to come in for me this afternoon, for some unclear reason. ”

Candy looked over at the back of Judith’s head, then at Lenore. “The thing is—” She put a hand on Lenore’s arm and guided her into the line of Erieview shadow that creased the edge of the white cubicle. “The other reason why the Lang thing was just one night I think is that it was pretty dam clear he has his eye on somebody else, in a big way.” She looked at Lenore.

Lenore looked at her own wrist, pretended to study it. “Listen, how did you snag Mr. Allied, anyway? You were in despair last week. I want to hear.”

“He wants you, Lenore, really, is who he wants,” Candy said, making sure that Judith couldn’t be listening and then forcing Lenore to look her in the eye. “It was far too clear.”

“Really don’t want to go into it,” Lenore muttered, looking out into the lobby.

“It was just incredibly obvious,” said Candy. “He kept asking all about you, when we could talk. Talked about having met you once, how sorry he was about that, although I never got clear on just what he was sorry for and you’re going to have to fill me in sometime, I’m dying to know. Kept talking about you and Rick, and laughing. Saying stuff about strategic misrepresentation, whatever that is. And even weirder stuff about how he noticed on the plane coming back that your leg wasn’t at all like his leg, wasn’t really even like a regular leg, at all, he said.”

“That was a really leggy trip,” Lenore laughed, edging for the cubicle door. “Listen, maybe I’ll just go up and see Rick right now.”

“Sweetie, it was just too obvious he thought he was using me,” said Candy. “Not that we didn’t have big fun. Not that Schwartz’s room will ever be the same. But I could see how he thought he was trying to get at you through me. And he could do it, Lenore. You get me? He could literally get at you through me. You get me?”

“Ummm… ”

“Rick just better be something entirely else, in his own right, is all I can say,” said Candy.

Lenore looked at her. “Except I thought you said Mr. Allied was unattainable, hence part of the charm. I thought you said he was engaged to some Australian lady.”