David Wallace - Broom of the System

“Wow.”

“And the story ends with the man, bleary-eyed and punchy from grief and love and connection-ambiguity, at the door, staring down at the tiny pale-green tree toad, which is still simply looking up at him, blinking sadly in reverse, and giving a few tentative little chirrups. And they’re just there in the hall looking at each other as the story ends.”

“Wow.”

“I think I’d like to try two pieces of gum at once, please.”

“….”

“It’s clearly not right for the Frequent Review, but I’m going to write a personal rejection note in which I say that I personally liked it, and thought it had possibilities, though it was not as yet a finished piece. ”

“Another troubled-collegiate-mind submission?”

“That’s the very strong sense I get, although the kid tried to pass himself off as much older in his cover letter, and included what I have now determined to be a phony bibliography of published material. ”

“Lordy.”

“I’m suddenly monstrously hungry, Lenore.”

“I know for a fact there are sandwiches. Let me buzz Jennifer.”

“….”

“Well, it’s about time somebody wanted something around here.”

“Hi Jennifer. I think Mr. Vigorous would like a sandwich.”

“Well, sure. Sir, what would you like?”

“What sorts of sandwiches do you have, please?”

“We have ham, today, and also turkey.”

“Does the turkey have mayonnaise?”

“I think so, sir.”

“Miracle Whip, or Hellman’s?”

“Sir, I’m afraid I’m not sure. Lenore, I’m sorry.” “That’s OK, Jennifer. Hellman’s makes Rick’s throat itch, is the thing.”

“How perfectly awful!”

“Perhaps I’ll have the ham, provided it’s mayonnaiseless, with the crusts removed from what I’ll naturally assume to be rye bread.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Please, and understandably again given the above it’s vital that there be no mayonnaise, though I would like a smidgeon of mustard, and also a Canadian Club with a spash of distilled water.”

“Lenore?”

“May I please have a ginger ale?”

“I’ll be right back.”

“Thanks, Jennifer.”

“Beautiful girl.”

“Trying to make me jealous?”

“Don’t I wish.”

“….”

“Speaking of which… I saw Norman, yesterday, Lenore. He asked about you.”

“Really? I think we’re getting close to Bradley Field. I know we’re over New York state, anyway. See the traffic?”

“Norman asked about you.”

“Really.”

“Norman claims to be in love with you.”

“Why that tone, Rick?”

“What tone?”

“An obese, hideous, insane, aspirations-to-be-infinite person, who’s off his rocker, expresses a necessarily-given-his-universe-view temporary interest in someone who made every effort to be explicitly rude to him, and who clearly has no interest in him, and you get that tone.”

“I almost attacked him on the spot. I just had no idea where to begin hitting. He’s much larger than he was a week ago.”

“That seems longer ago than a week, doesn’t it?”

“Besides, his palanquin carriers were all quite burly. Otherwise I really would have lunged.”

“….”

“Norman hasn’t communicated with you directly, has he? Expressed things to you?”

“I’ll handle it, Rick.”

“Handle what?”

“Whatever needs to be handled.”

“….”

“I get to handle things too, you know. I’m a person.”

“What has he said?”

“Nothing even the tiniest bit interesting, and nothing that’s really any of your business.”

“None of my business?”

“….”

“None of my business?” “….”

“Aren’t you my—? Thank you. Thanks.”

“Looks super, Jennifer, thanks. Are we getting close?”

“I know we’re over New York. Captain says about half an hour.”

“Thanks.”

“Just buzz if there’s anything at all, you two.”

“She didn’t take the crusts off.”

“Give me your knife. I’ll do it.”

“We’re her only responsibility, the one thing she has to do, and she doesn’t take the crusts off.”

“….”

“You’re not my business? I’m confused about what’s my business and what isn’t?”

“Got a knife, here, remember.”

“….”

“I’m your friend. Your girlfriend. I’m not your business.”

“My girlfriend?”

“Whatever you want to call it. May I please eat these crusts, or do you want them for some reason?”

“The things I love are my business.”

“That’s just untrue. The things you love and the people you love are the things and people you love. Your business is you.”

“….”

“Just like my business is me.”

“….”

“Which I’ll handle, Rick.”

“My, aren’t we assertive and confident and sure of ourselves all of a sudden.”

“I don’t think this is the place for this. When you start using the plural tense, I sense spasm-potential.”

“This ham is far too salty.”

“You did take your gum out, right?”

“I’m losing you, Lenore. My ears were rumbling ominously at impending loss. That’s what that rumbling really was.”

“Why do you perceive everything in terms of having and losing? Have you ever for about one second thought of how that makes me feel? You haven’t ‘lost me,’ whatever on God’s green earth that means. I’ll handle the people who might happen to be temporarily infatuated with me on my own, is all.”

“People?”

“Sweet shrieking mother of God! Listen to yourself! You’re not even insanely jealous, you’re just… pathetically jealous.”

“So now I’m pathetic.”

“No more. I’m going to sleep. May I please put my ginger ale on your tray?”

“You may not go to sleep, Lenore.”

“….”

“At least have the decency to give me some gum, to have, for the landing, which I might tell you I’m not looking forward to one bit.”

“Here.”

“….”

“….”

“You are too my business.”

“Fnoof. ”

“Christ.”

/d/

EXCERPT FROM DUTY LOG OF DR. DANIEL JOY, ASSISTANT DIRECTOR FOR EMERGENCY SERVICES, CHICAGO DEPARTMENT OF MENTAL HEALTH, CHICAGO, ILLINOIS, FRIDAY, 3 SEPTEMBER 1990.

10:40 a.m. Arrive Lake Lady Medical Center, Chicago.

10:42 Arrive Floor 5. ID check complete. Station log verifies assignment to observe patient “JB, ” Room 573, admitted p.m. of Thursday, 26 August.

10:45 Arrive Room 573. ID check complete. Occupants of 573 as of 10:45: Joy; patient “JB”; Dr. Robert Golden, Supervisor Emotional/Psychological Services, Lake Lady Center; Dr. Daniel Nelm, Staff Physician, /P S, L.L.C. Observe patient “JB.” Patient male, Caucasian, fair, dark hair, height appr. 5’ 9”, weight appr. 100 lbs. Prominent features: eyes. Exceptionally large, black. Condition skin around eyes indicates lack of/difficulties connected with sleep. Patient conscious but sedated. Medication indicated Golden to be 110 Thor. Pcm #7 drip ver. saline x 2 hrs.; increased to 220 Thor. Pcm #7 post shift #3 (11 p.m.-7 a.m.).Observe filming apparatus on tripod at foot of patient’s bed. Observe director’s chair. Observe sunglasses worn by Drs. Golden, Nelm. N explains patient delusion e.g. admittance, believes he is contestant on television “quiz-” or “game-show, ” refuses/unable to give correct name, refers to himself only as “The Contestant, ” variously under heavy post-#3 sedation “He Who Smites From Afar” (per report Golden, Nelm). Patient “JB” refuses to speak unless believes being filmed, recorded; refuses to acknowledge questions posed by any but those representing selves as “game-show” personnel (per G, N). Food refused 27 August, thereafter; Drip Class 7 initiated 27 August, thereafter.Malnutrition advanced but not sufficient for exhaustive explanation condition (Golden, concurrence Joy).Nelm explains camera is Motorola home-movie outfit owned by Mrs. Nelm. Patient appears to ignore. Patient stares into camera. Am handed by Nelm pair sunglasses, director’s bullhorn. Am instructed to address patient as “Contestant, Baby. ” Sit in director’s chair. (Here see E/ P S L.L.C. reports 8-28, 8-29, 8-30, 8-31, tag 573, L.L.M.C.) Am introduced as “Mr. Barris of Screen Gems, nc. Patient response noticeable. Difficulty observing patient from behind sunglasses judged acceptable, offset by desirability patient response. Delusion observed. Delusion constant only with respect to television. Patient appears confused as to whether appearing on game show or being interviewed for/about appearance game show. Nelm suggestion (positive impression Nelm, unorthodox vs. highly competent, formally noted 9–3) Mr. ”Barris“ ask ”prospective contestant“ for previous ”game-show experience. “ Patient’s voice exceptionally raw, scratchy; intelligibility inconstant. Hoarseness see admission report JB-L.L.M.C. 8-26, Nelm report 8-27 tag 573. Patient responds request ”experience“ (from tape, N):“The experience I have had was onthe… (unintelligible)… In the Desert? And I was… where we were I was contestant. I am the contestant. The host opened the showcase and from where / was the audience screamed. It was the most desirable prize imaginable. The prize impossible to conceive of a more desirable prize. The totally desirable prize. And the audience had to be restrained with electrified wire mesh. And where / was I was not restrained. And… “ (unintelligible). ”And the host in the robe set the clock and shots of Dad and…“ ” (unintelligible) “and wires affixed. Host in robe says…” (here patient adopts different voice, possibly one of game-show quizmaster [N], pain at vocal effort obvious): “ ‘And the contestant will of course receive in which he receives the most widely desirable prize imaginable, on the condition that he, here we are, not want it, for the next 60 seconds.’“Contestant, where I was, did not receive prize. Shouts from audience: ‘Don’t think about it. ’ ‘Renounce all desire.’ Shouts from audience behind electrified wire mesh. To receive totally desirable prize by not desiring prize I did not receive prize. Failure occurred at 50 seconds. Per the rules of the game received the electric shocks, on the tip? Every 2 seconds? For the 50? And the audience completely howled, threw water from behind the wire mesh, were thrown back…”Patient emits screams, rhythm appr. every 2 seconds, over 20 seconds, throat condition prohibits excessive noise or potential for harm (G, N). Dosage increased Nelm x 1.5; patient now conscious but heavily sedated. Eyes roll white.Here c. f. formal report Joy CDMH 9-3-90 tag L.L.M.C. #573: identity patient sought via standard police, media procedure. Initials J.B., relative (?) L.B., established by jewelry worn date admittance. Nelm emphasis mention “Dad.” Reference to Desert, together with accent, establishes experience (residence?) in Ohio post-1972. Directive Nelm; proceed through all missing persons reports male Caucasion — Illinois, Ohio — past 30 days. Observation assignment Nelm. Observation continued through 9-10 authorized (see Joy, 9–3 tag 573 L.L.M.C.). Follow-up assignment Nelm authorized. Use of equipment authorized through 9-10. For following refer Joy formal 9–3 tag 573 L.L.M.C.Overrall impressions none. Parallel/Precedent impression none.