David Wallace - Broom of the System

“The crux here being that in his present state of emotional turmoil and physical… girth,” Jay said, struggling now to keep himself above the counter, “it appears prudent to err on the side of—”

“Hold it a second,” Lang said, his head cocked. “What in the hell’s that sound supposed to be?” Everyone stopped and listened.

And there was a bit of a distant sound, like a train or thunder, that grew slightly and then was for a moment obscured by the shriek of some phones.

“God damn it,” Candy Mandible said.

“Lenore, as a professional and a friend, I suggest that we quickly and quietly leave,” Jay said, struggling. His elbows finally gave, and he fell back out of view. Lang looked down at him. Jay’s voice came over the counter. “Other issues we need to countenance together, Lenore. I’ve been doing some thinking. A discussion is imperative.”

“I’ve decided we’re finished, Dr. Jay,” Lenore said from her chair. “Our relationship is over.”

“I’ll make it a free session.”

“Relationship?” said Lang.

Mr. Bloemker cleared his throat again and stepped forward under Lang’s hand. “Ms. Beadsman before you go anywhere with anyone I really must ask that we all speak, here, in the lobby, on a matter you and I had agreed I should bring before you, should any—”

“And I thought we said we weren’t gonna be makin’ stressful demands on the lady just now, Gus,” Lang said, pulling Bloemker back to him. Bloemker looked over at Alvin Spaniard.

Candy was watching Wang-Dang Lang from the console, whenever she could look up. The noise of the phones was now constant. All the trunk lights were illuminating.

“Are you here with Mr. Bloemker, or what?” Lenore said, looking at Alvin Spaniard.

Alvin pushed his glasses up. He looked across Lang at Mr. Bloemker. The rumbling sound was getting louder.

Judith Prietht and Champ had turned around; Judith was looking into the shadow. “Hey Mr. V!” she called suddenly. “Whatcha doin’ back there?” Everyone turned and looked. Rick Vigorous was back against the rear wall of the lobby, in the edge of the Erieview shadow, moving gradually with it. He was filthy with black dust, arid melted partway into the dark. It was hard to see him. But Candy could see something gleaming on his wrist when his arm came into the light. It was another handcuff. Candy looked back down at Lenore, Lenore had one of her sneakers off and was holding it upside down, pouring black sand through the day’s wreath of roses on top of the switchboard wastebasket.

“Fucking sand,” she said. Her sock was incredibly dirty.

“Greetings, Rick!” Dr. Jay shouted.

“Can’t believe you got the balls to be here right now, R. V.!” Lang called loudly across the empty lobby to Rick Vigorous. “And how the hell’d you even get here so quick?”

Candy began to have a really bad feeling, and she looked at Lenore, who was emptying out her other shoe.

“You better just git!” Lang was calling.

Rick Vigorous didn’t say anything.

The rhythmic rumbling was now too loud even for the phones to cover. Candy thought she could feel the marble floor of the lobby vibrating slightly. The shadow was bigger than it should have been for one o‘clock.

“What the hell is that?” said Lang. He looked down at Dr. Jay.

Now through the revolving door in big hurries came Neil Obstat, Jr., Sigurd Foamwhistle, and Stonecipher Beadsman III. Right behind them was Peter Abbott, and right behind him was Walinda Peahen. Peter’s big toolbox somehow got jammed in the door, and Walinda yelled at him from her glass compartment until he got the box free and the door spit them both out.

Mr. Beadsman was looking at his watch as he came. “Lenore!” he called.

“Jesus Lenore it’s your Dad, and that cable guy, Abbott,” Candy said.

Lenore stayed where she was, in the Bombardini-switchboard chair, holding her sneakers. Mr. Bloemker and Alvin Spaniard headed over to Obstat and Foamwhistle and Mr. Beadsman, and the five stood in the middle of the lobby floor, conferring. Obstat was looking at a large piece of paper and pointing to a section of the floor in the back of the lobby, over near Rick Vigorous. Meanwhile Walinda had come straight to the cubicle, brushing aside Dr. Jay, who was hurrying back toward the revolving door.

“Girl all I can say is whatever happened it damn well better be important,” Walinda said, coming inside. She stopped and looked around. “Where’s that new girl that’s supposed to be on?”

“I quit, Walinda,” Lenore said.

“Quit?” Candy Mandible twisted around in her chair to look at them both. A phone rang.

“Yes.” Lenore raised her voice to get it all the way to the back of the lobby over the rumbling. “I quit!”

“Quit?”

“Girl answer the phone, ” Walinda said, pinching at Candy’s shoulder.

“There’s nothing on the other end,” Candy said quietly, staring at Lenore. “Just static and tones. Lenore, what do you mean quit?”

“Hi Peter!” called Judith Prietht, manipulating poor Champ’s paw yet again. Peter was doing something over near the section of the lobby floor that Neil Obstat had pointed out.

“The matter Lenore, you and that bitty fella back there have a fight?” Walinda chuckled and reached for the Legitimate Call Log. “Too bad. You need any help gettin’ your stuff together?”

“Hey.Geraldine, why don’t you just jump on back,” Lang said to Walinda. “Little lady’s had herself a rough day.” Walinda slowly turned eyes to Wang-Dang Lang, and they stared at each other. Lang grinned.

“Lenore, sweetie, tell me what I can do,” Candy was whispering into Lenore’s ear, an arm around her shoulder. Phones jangled. The lobby shook faintly. Lenore closed her eyes and shook her head.

Now Peter Abbott appeared at the counter. He was smiling broadly.

“Satisfaction, ladies,” he said, hefting his toolbox and patting it.

“Satisfaction?”

Lang looked down at Peter’s box and toolbelt. “Hey there good bud,” he said. “You want to see what you can do about these crazy-ass phones?”

“Tex, that’s the exact reason I’m here,” Peter Abbott said. “To start clearin’ up and explaining maybe the bizarrest phone-tunnel snafu in Cleveland history. He came around into the cubicle. ”And to start to take steps to give you good folks some of the satisfaction you’ve been waitin’ for, and also to remove this pesky old tunnel-test cable, down here.“ He produced a ratchet wrench with a flourish and with two quick turns shut the F and V console off. Now there was only the outside rumble. Peter turned to Walinda Peahen. ”The tests are officially completed.“ He lowered himself under the counter, humming. Candy shot her chair back.

Lang leaned way over the counter into the cubicle. “Lenore, ” he whispered, smiling and snapping his fingers. “Let’s just git. What do you say? Car’s out front. We can just come on back in a bit, R.V. and all these folks’ll be gone. Let’s git.”

“So are you saying you’re actually fixing our lines?” Candy was saying. “Is that what you’re saying?” She kicked a little at Peter’s jiggling boots. “And also maybe explaining a little bit? For Christ’s sake now they ring and there’s nobody there! What kind of phone rings when there’s nobody there?”

“All I can say for openers is that Interactive Cable’s own Ron Sludgeman is a certifiable genius,” said a muffled Peter Abbott. “This particular tunnel-test was certifiably ingenious. You just hang on up there.”

“ Lenore , ” Lang was whispering.

“Lenore, please come here immediately,” Mr. Beadsman called from out in the lobby.