Roy Scranton - War Porn

Stay here for Al-Qaeda

lust battle you

must find these inner reasons (they will be denied, but are nonetheless in operation) before shaping your arguments for one course or another. Allusion is more effective than logical exposition: they dislike concise expression. There is nothing unreasonable, incomprehensible, or inscrutable in the Arab mind.

The joint’s red ember glowed in the night as it passed from Matt’s hand back to Aaron’s.

“That was kind of intense, dude,” Matt said.

“Some bullshit is was it was.”

“Mel gets worked up about politics sometimes.”

“So I get to be her fucking rag doll? I don’t think so.”

“That’s not what I meant. I’m sorry I brought it up. I was just…”

“Curious. Yeah. Everyone’s curious fucking George.”

“Well, I don’t know about that, but I’m sorry. I should’ve let it go.”

“Whatever, man. You want any more of this?”

“No, I’m good.”

Aaron stubbed out the roach and lit an American Spirit.

Matt bummed one off him. “Listen, Mel’s really sweet, you know, she just gets worked up. She’s angry at the government and her dad and all kinds of shit, so it’s touch-and-go sometimes, but other than that, she’s fine. It’s just insecurity, you know?”

“Fuck that and fuck her little dog, too.”

“Man, I forgot about Xena. I hope he’s okay.”

“Fucking dog comes at me, I kick it.”

“I just meant, about Mel, you know, she’s fine, but she has, like, gender issues. Masculinity issues. So if you just apologize—I’m not saying she’s right, she’s not, she was way out of line, but if you apologize, she’ll let it go. She won’t apologize first. I know it’s irritating but, you know, it’s like she’s has something to prove.”

“If I was a fucking pussy.”

“Sorry?”

“I’d apologize if I was a fucking pussy.”

“Okay, fine. Just think about it.” Matt studied the sky. “So, uh… How long you been back in the US?”

“About three weeks.”

“Were you over there long?”

“Later, Matt. You want to know what it’s like, I’ll show you some shit later. Let’s talk about something else right now. Tell me about your global forecasting program.”

“Oh, yeah. Sure. Okay. It’s called Constellation. I’m interested in the way we take disparate, seemingly unrelated points, and make visual patterns. Like that’s Draco and that’s Virgo. There’s Scorpio and the Big Dipper. They don’t really mean anything, not like an astrologer would tell you, but by constellating points we make a map of the sky. Then we can use that map to navigate on earth. It’s like a data aggregator, but… See, it’s…” He laughed. “It’s supposed to tell the future. I don’t know. It’s still… I haven’t quite found the right interface.”

“How long you been working on it?”

“About two years, I guess, since Dahlia and I moved out here.”

“You seem like a cute couple, you and her.”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Thanks. We’re really happy together.”

“How’d you two meet?”

“College. University of Washington, class on statistical analysis. She was on crutches, she’d broken her hip playing soccer, and one day I helped her with her books. Then I started helping her with her homework. We were just friends then, but I really liked her. I liked her accent, that she was from Virginia. It seemed historical, you know? Special. And she always seemed so… I don’t know, like she was searching for something and a little sad about it. I liked that she was a searcher. Anyway, after graduation, I got involved in a web startup with some guys, and she went to Guatemala to work on an organic farm. I guess we lost touch, like people do. But then a couple years later, we ran into each other in a bar on Capitol Hill and it just clicked. We’ve been together since.”

“Why’d you move to Moab?”

“So the startup I helped found—cyclopsicope.com—sold out to Yahoo! in April 2000, which was pretty lucky, thinking back, because the boom was already over by that point. The correction was bad, since everybody was liquidating and the job market was overstocked with guys just like me, coders with crazy ideas and a lot of slick talk. But I had the money from the sell-off and I knew some people, so I could get by freelancing. Then after 9/11, we just decided we needed a change. Get off the grid, you know? I was in the middle of this project with some friends and Dahlia was getting her master’s, but once we’d tied up our loose ends in Seattle, we made the jump.”

“How’s it working for you out here?”

“Good. Good. We’re a little restless, I guess, but that’s just how you get, right? That’s just life, getting older, right? We go hiking a bit, she works the river some with Mel. I guess we’ll head back to civilization soon, but we can live cheap here, there’s some nice people, and it’s quiet. There’s space to think. Really think about things.”

“Like constellations.”

“Yeah…” Like Orion and Scorpio, Cassiopeia and Canis Major. “So, uh, what about you and Wendy, huh? You two got a thing?”

“You like her, don’t you.”

“I, uh… I don’t, uhm…” Matt coughed. “Dahlia and I are really happy. But you…”

“We fuck.”

“Alright…” Matt laughed. “How’s that?”

“It’s trim. She’s a liar and a cunt, but she fucks good.”

“Dude…”

“It is what it is.”

“Uhm… I don’t know what to say. Wendy’s a friend.”

“That all?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“No, you don’t. Anyway, I’m just passing through.”

“That’s probably best.” Matt laughed again. “I mean nice . . . It must be nice.”

“Sure enough.”

“You said you’re going back to school in December?”

“That’s the story I tell people. The truth is, Matt, I’m gonna burrow like a tick in the skin of the grimiest, nastiest Rust Belt shithole I can find and shoot heroin till I die.”

“Wow. You’re kidding, right?”

“We’re devils, Matthew. For real. You gotta see things for what they are… And there it is. Hello, beautiful.”

“Y’all doing alright out here?” Dahlia asked, appearing out of the shadows.

Matt twisted in his chair to see her and thought, did he just say that? “What did you say?”

“You feel the spin, Matt?” Aaron asked.

“Wait, what? What?”

“We’re all good out back,” Dahlia said. “Mel’s a little riled yet, but Xena calmed down. My darling Mel said she’d apologize to you for being such a bitch, if you apologize to her for kicking her dog. Then we can all make nice and get on with our par-tey.”

“Listen,” Aaron said, looking deep into Dahlia’s eyes. “Here’s the deal. I’m not sorry for defending myself. The dog gets it, he understands I’m a bigger dog. This is a fact I can see Mel struggles with. She’s like one of those terriers that picks fights with German shepherds. Nevertheless, I will apologize—to the dog and to Mel. I’m the bigger dog, I’ll be the bigger man. Tell you the truth, Dahlia, all I ever wanted was peace, love, and understanding.”

Dahlia stared back. “I don’t know if I like you, soldier boy.”

“You don’t have to.” Aaron smiled wide, suddenly all charm. “Run along now, sugar, and bring your tribe my offer of peace.”

Dahlia left, scowling, and Matt wondered, What do I do? How do I make him leave? “Her name’s not sugar,” he said.

“Chill out, bro. It’s all cool.”

Matt groped for leverage, but with the planet spinning the stars were the only fixed points. “There’s no devil,” he said. “No such thing as evil. We’re human beings. We reason. We make choices. It’s like I was saying: it’s all just space and stars, but there’s an order we impose on it. We make maps to navigate by. You have to admit that at least.”