Chuck Palahniuk - Pygmy

Cupped hands reek of zinc chloride.

Cupped hands of operative Magda release eyes of this agent. Agent 36 make small parade to stand at elbow of this agent. Magda say, “Exact correct, comrade.”

Alcohol of tincture close gone, remaining abandoned iodine crystals frosted underside of metal saucer. Soon, this agent to scrape and collect. Combine most carefully along household cleaner ammonia, generate form nitrogen tri-iodide. Will precipitate red-brown crystals. Wash crystals with alcohol. Wash repeat with ether. Producing next then among most vast explosions learned to humanity.

Peering brown eye to face of operative me, Magda say, “Important must freeze still, comrade.” Say, “No motion.” Agent 36 poke own fingertip against own face cheek, say, “This location of comrade face, dusted spot white crystals mercury fulminate…”

Very dangerous, caustic, blast when too heated, blast from any shock. Mercury fulminate. Most old, most no stable explode compound.

Operative Magda raise to point on only foot toes, ballerina poised, to lean near. Breathing of agent 36 brush cheek of operative me. Magda face imminent to contact face skin of this agent. Next then, tongue of operative Magda unfurl out mouth, tongue slippery pink, wet glow, tongue muscle wipe damp path across cheek of this agent.

Cleanse future exploding mercury fulminate.

Next now, hand of operative Magda cup near own mouth, ladylike, screen action as agent 36 salivates protective wad to encase dangerous compound. Next now, Magda expectorate wad salivate against laboratory floor, fast expelled, zip-slam into floor where spit compound impact, flash-boom , blast leaving crater on concrete.

All fellow operative eyeing. Pigs of Guinea squeal. Sand of concrete raining all agent, stink of smoke, Magda say, “Permit relax, comrade secure now.” Repeat expectorate, second salivate produce no blast.

Exhaled breath of Magda stinking sodium hydroxide. Stenched of lead acetate. Could be lips of acetic acid to create deadly chemical reaction, burst when contact sodium bicarbonate lips of this agent.

Next now, unison voice all operative, speaking single voice, say, “Greetings, esteemed most revered educator.”

Door of classroom laboratory no longer healed in wall. Door swing so display respected chemist instructor, acclaimed mentor, brilliant leader. Unite wave of voice, all operative say, “Accept, please, our gratitude for the wisdom you impart.”

Instructor bow head.

Operative all bow head.

Acclaimed leader make small parade to wire bin occupied white rodent. Hand of leader swing hatch door to access, pinch behind skin of rodent neck and remove out wire bin. Hand suspend wiggling rodent shoulder-high during face of instructor rotate to ensure all operative eyeing. Make small parade to edge of empty water bin sunk, flush, into laboratory work surface. In center floor of bin, drain hole. Perched top edge of water bin, spigot flanked metal switches to make gush hot or chilled water.

Operative all eyeballing. Magda, Ling, Tanek, Chernok, all.

Revered instructor place white rodent on floor of empty water bin, near drain hole. Instructor say, “Inside head, make following picture…” Say, “Having returned to house, find wild rodent fallen, trapped within house water bin.”

Instructor brandish hand direction rodent, during pink claws scramble over steel metal insides of water bin. Rodent climbing little way, then now sliding to trapped on floor of bin. Rodent pink nose twitching air. Pink eye peering up, out water bin.

Much-brilliant instructor say, “Little dirty animal trapped long duration…” Say, “Much hungry, much thirst, much exhausted …” Instructor rest eye against each operative, Metro and Tibor and Mang, say, “Little animal curl tail tight to protect self. Shake. Shiver filled such terror…”

In water bin, white rodent shiver. Cower. Single drop yellow urine roll stripe from animal to drain hole. Ear of rodent fold flat against back of head. Squeezing self most small as able.

Instructor dangle own hand into bin, so fingers stroke white fur down back of rodent. Stroking fur, say, “Little animal merely desire to survive.” Say, “Except animal vector disease.” Say, stroking fur, “Little animal dirty, plus instinct plan reproduce…”

Esteemed instructor fashion mouth to display frown. Rotate face to one side, then other side, repeat to make head meaning “no.”

Acclaimed instructor say, every today must human follow example given from deity. Action of mercy, say instructor, an insult to eye of deity. Say deity no display such mercy. Say operative acting mercy place self on top, standing on top head of deity. Envision self possess more wisdom deity.

Esteemed instructor say top deity ordains all living creation suffer—wasted disease or screaming wearing covered blood—then must some today all to die. Only tragedy if suffer and die during innocent. No sin, no crime, then extinction not earned. Such waste an affront to deity.

“Because all suffer then die,” say instructor, stroking white fur rodent, “then operatives must earn own some today extinction.”

Justify future cruelty acts of deity. Make of deity no sadism, instead vast wisdom judge.

Top deity model only correct behavior. Say great wisdom instructor, “All must do unto fellow being what the deity does to all.”

If operative frequent kick dog…if strike with slap hand reproductive partner…if operative murder stab fellow, that mimic correct lesson of deity. At some today instant of extinction—could be heart explode or consume toxic foodstuff—that extinction no tragedy, no large waste to offend deity. In truth, extinction sinner great vast pleasure unto deity. More sin, more crime, say instructor, more deity will rejoice upon extinction of operative.

Hand of instructor twist water switch, forcing spigot gush water into bin. First, chilled water. Next then gush begin vent steam, water heating, high heat turning steel floor of bin to dark with temperature. Rodent sliding to escape temperature water, heated floor. Hand twist water switch until more gush, flood more floor. Rodent scramble to climb polish walls of bin, slide back to scald, squealing. Rodent climb and slide. Slide and squeal.

Hand of revered leader dangle to electric switch mounted underneath of work surface. Finger activate electric switch and roar sound erupt from drain hole. Out of hole, shaking din, grinding metal of teeth. Hungry dark hole.

White rodent tumble down steel walls, slide, escape grinding drain, rodent feet scorched red running too fast able eye to witness.

Glorious instructor lift own hand, open palm to face all operative. Hand of oath or pledge. Celebrated instructor say, “Vote.” Say, “Current now, with hand, vote: Must we extinguish diseased parasite?”

Hands of operative Ling and Chernok rise to say yes. Hands of Tibor and Mang.

Hand of operative me remain low. Breath trapped lungs. Heart muscle scramble as rodent, battle indoors rib cage. Nose sniff, hard snort, so eye this agent no bleed water. Say inside head, say: Permit rodent survive . Say, Please .

Hand of operative Magda rise to vote yes. All operative eyeing this agent.

Revered instructor quote total vile tyrant, brutal king Adolf Hitler, quote, ‘“I do not see why man should not be just as cruel as nature.’”

Hand of this operative rise. Total “yes” in unison. To make single voice.

Today, talented instructor say, this crime is how the West would title as “baptism.” Today crime craft operatives present here, a pleasure unto the deity. Dirty sinners. Cruel glorious own screaming extinction earned. Arriving the random today designated your torture extinction—from airplane plummet or nuclear poison—then will memory so many personal crimes comfort, soothe operative into eternity. Important, revered instructor say, “After here, wish top deity a vast pleasure to murder you.”