Wu Cheng-en - Journey to the West (vol. 3)

“Stay where you are, monks,” they shouted. “Leave some toll money and we'll spare your lives. If so much as half a 'no' comes out through your teeth you'll all be cut down without mercy.” The Tang Priest was shaking with terror as he sat on his horse.

“What are we to do?” Pig and Friar Sand asked Brother Monkey with alarm. “What are we to do? We had a miserable night in the rain, and after starting out again this morning we're being robbed by bandits. How true is it that troubles never come singly.”

“Don't be frightened, Master,” said Monkey with a smile, “and stop worrying, brothers. Wait while I go and ask them a few questions.”

The splendid Great Sage put on his tigerskin kilt, straightened up his brocade and cotton tunic, went up to them, put his hands together in front of his chest and asked, “What are you gentlemen doing?”

“Don't you care whether you live or die, you swine?” the robbers yelled back at him. “How dare you question us! Have you got no eyes in your head? Don't you realize who we great kings are? Hand your toll money over at once and we'll let you go on your way.”

When he heard this, Monkey wreathed his face in smiles and replied, “So you're bandits who hold people up on the road.”

“Kill him!” the bandits yelled with fury.

“Your Majesties,” said Monkey with feigned terror, “Your Majesties, I'm only a monk from the country. I don't know the right things to say. Please don't be angry if I've offended you, please don't. If what you want is toll money all you have to do is to ask me: no need to ask the other three. I'm the bookkeeper. All the money we get for chanting sutras and as alms, all we beg and all we're given, goes into the bundles, and I'm in charge of spending it. The man on the horse is my master. All he can do is recite sutras. He doesn't care about anything else. He's forgotten all about wealth and sex, and he's got nothing at all. The black-faced one is a junior I collected on our journey. All he can do is look after the horse. And the one with a long snout is a laborer I hired. He's only good for carrying a pole. Let those three go while I fetch our travel money, cassocks and begging bowls. I'll give you all you want.”

“You seem to be an honest chap, monk,” the robbers said, “so we'll spare your life. Tell the other three to leave their luggage, and we'll let them go.” Monkey turned back and gave them a look. Friar Sand put down the carrying-pole with the luggage, and led the master's horse as they carried on Westwards. Monkey bowed down to undo the bundle, took a pinch of dust from the ground, and scattered it on the bundle as he said the words of a spell.

It was body-fixing magic, so the moment he shouted, “Stop!” the thirty and more bandits all stood stock still, grinding their teeth, staring, their hands apart. None of them could speak or move.

“Come back, Master,” shouted Monkey, “come back!”

“This is terrible,” said Pig in alarm, “this is terrible. Big brother's informed on us. He isn't carrying any money on him, and there's no gold or silver in the bundle. He must be calling the master back to ask him to give up his horse. He's going to get the clothes stripped off our backs.”

“Don't talk such rubbish, brother,” said Friar Sand with a laugh. “Big brother knows what he's doing. He's always been able to beat vicious monsters and demons up till now, so what do we have to fear from a few petty thieves? He must be calling us back because he's got something to say to us. Let's go straight there and find out.”

When the venerable elder heard this he cheerfully turned his horse round and went back. “Wukong,” he called, “why have you called us back?”

“Hear what these robbers have got to say for themselves,” Brother Monkey said.

Pig went up to them, shoved them and asked, “Why don't you move, bandits?” The bandits remained completely unconscious and said nothing.

“They're thick, and dumb too,” said Pig.

“I fixed them by magic,” said Monkey with a laugh.

“Even if you fixed them,” said Pig, “you didn't fix their mouths, so why aren't they making a sound?”

“Please dismount and sit down, Master,” said Brother Monkey. “As the saying goes, 'People only get arrested by mistake; they never get released by mistake.' Knock all the robbers over, brother, and tie them up. Then we'll force them to make statements. Find out if they're beginners or old hands.”

“Haven't got any rope,” said Friar Sand. Monkey then pulled out some of his hairs, blew on them with magic breath and turned them into thirty lengths of rope. They all set to, knocked the robbers over, and tied their hands and feet together. Then Monkey said the words that ended the spell, whereupon the bandits gradually revived.

Monkey invited the Tang Priest to take the seat of honour while he and the other two shouted, holding their weapons, “Hairy bandits! How many of you are there altogether, and how many years have you been in this line of business? How many things have you stolen? Have you murdered anyone? Is this your first offence? Or your second? Or your third?”

“Spare our lives, your lordships,” pleaded the robbers.

“Stop shouting,” said Monkey, “and come clean.”

“We aren't hardened robbers, your lordships,” they said. “We're all from good families. Because we're a bad lot we squandered all the wealth we'd inherited in drinking, gambling, whoring and living it up. We've never worked, and now we've got no money either. We found out that Mr. Kou's family was one of the richest in the prefecture of Brazentower, so last night we got together to rob it under cover of darkness and rain. We stole some gold, silver, clothing and jewelry, and were just dividing it up in a mountain hollow to the North of the track when we noticed you gentlemen coming. Some of us recognized you as the monks Mr. Kou saw off, so we were sure that you must have some goods on you. Then we saw how heavy your luggage was and how fast the white horse was going. It was our disgraceful greed that made us try to hold you up. Never did we imagine that you would have such divine powers and be able to tie us up. We beg you to be merciful to us. Take back what we stole and spare our lives.”

Sanzang was violently shocked to hear that their booty had been stolen from the Kou household. He stood up at once and said, “Mr. Kou was a very good man, Wukong, so how did he bring such a disaster on himself?”

“It was all because the coloured hangings and fancy parasols, and the huge numbers of drummers and musicians when we were seen off attracted too much attention,” replied Monkey with a smile. “That's why this gang of desperadoes attacked his house. Luckily they ran into us, and we've taken back all the gold, silver, clothing and jewelry.”

“We put Mr. Kou out for a whole fortnight,” said Sanzang, “so we owe him a huge debt of gratitude that we have not yet been able to repay. Would it not be a good deed to return this property to his house?” Monkey agreed, and he went to the mountain hollow with Pig and Friar Sand to fetch the booty, which they packed up and loaded on the horse. He told Pig to carry the load of gold and silver while friar Sand carried their own luggage. Monkey was just on the point of killing all the bandits with his cudgel when he had the worrying thought that the Tang Priest might get angry with him for committing murder. So he could only shake himself and take back all the hairs. Now that their hands and feet had been untied the thieves all got up then fled for their lives into the undergrowth. The Tang Priest then turned back the way he had come to return the booty to Mr. Kou. In making this journey he was like a moth flying into a flame and coming to disaster. There is a poem about it that goes: