Wu Cheng-en - Journey to the West (vol. 3)

“Just my lousy luck,” said Pig, “having to go first and take the brunt.”

“Last night you said we could leave it all to you,” Monkey replied, “so why are you trying to get out of it now?”

“Stop shouting at me,” Pig said. “I'm going.” The idiot put down his rake, tugged at his clothes and leapt empty-handed down from the mountain to find the path.

If you don't know whether this departure was to be for good or ill listen to the explanation in the next installment.

The Girl Seeks the Male

The Primal Deity Guards the Way

The story tells how Pig leapt down the mountainside and found a narrow path. After following it for nearly two miles he came across two she-monsters drawing water from a well. How did he know that they both were monsters? Each of them had on her head an extremely unfashionable hair-style held up by bamboo slivers that stood one foot two or three inches high.

“Evil monsters,” Pig called, going up to them.

The two of them looked at each other and said. “What an outrageous monk. We don't know him and we've never had words with him. So why did he call us evil monsters?” In their fury the monsters raised the pole with which they were going to carry the water and struck at Pig's head.

After a few blows that he could not ward off as he was unarmed, the idiot rushed back up the mountain with his head covered by both hands shouting, “Brother! Go back! The monsters are vicious.”

“What's so vicious about them?” Monkey asked.

“There were two evil spirits drawing water from the well in the hollow,” said Pig, “and they hit me three or four times with their carrying-pole just because I spoke to them.”

“What did you call them?” Monkey asked.

“Evil monsters,” Pig replied.

“You got off lightly then,” laughed Monkey.

“I'm most obliged for your concern,” replied Pig. “My head has swollen up where they hit it, and you tell me I've got off lightly.”

“Soft words will get you anywhere on earth; act rough and you won't move a single step,” replied Monkey. “As they're local fiends from round here and we're monks from far away you'd have had to be a bit polite even if you'd had fists growing all over your body. Do you think they should have hit me instead of you? You were the one who called them evil monsters. Courtesy first!”

“I never realized,” said Pig.

“Living on human flesh in the mountains since childhood as you have,” said Monkey, “can you recognize two kinds of tree?”

“I don't know,” Pig said. “Which two trees?”

“The willow and the sandalwood,” Monkey replied. “The willow has a very soft nature, so that craftsmen can carve it into holy images or make statues of the Tathagata out of it. It's gilded, painted, set with jewels, decorated with flowers, and many worshippers burn incense to it. It receives unbounded blessings. But the sandalwood is so hard that it's used as the pressing-beam in the oil-press with iron hoops round its head, and it's hit with iron hammers too. The only reason it suffers like this is because it's to hard.”

“You should have told me all this before,” said Pig, “then I wouldn't have been beaten.”

“Now go back and find out the truth,” said Brother Monkey.

“But if I go there again they'll recognize me,” Pig replied.

“Then turn into something else,” said Monkey.

“But even if I do turn into something else, brother, how am I to question them?” asked Pig.

“When you look different go up to them and bow to them,” Monkey replied. “See how old they are. If they're about the same age as us call them 'Miss,' and if they're a lot older call them 'Lady.'”

“What a terrible climb-down: why should we be treating them as our relations when they're strangers from this far away?” said Pig.

“That's not treating them as relations,” replied Monkey. “Its just a way of getting the truth out of them. If they're the ones who've got our master we'll be able to act; and if it isn't them we won't lose any time before going to fight elsewhere.”

“You're right,” said Pig. “I'm going back.”

The splendid idiot tucked his rake in his belt, went down into the hollow, shook himself and turned into a far, dark-skinned monk. He swaggered as he went up to the monsters, chanted a loud “na-a-aw” of respect and said, “Respectful greetings, ladies.”

“This monk's much better,” the two monsters said with delight. “He expresses his respects and knows how to address us properly.” Then they asked him, “Where are you from, venerable elder?”

“From somewhere,” Pig replied.

“And where are you going?” they asked.

“Somewhere,” Pig replied.

“What's your name?” they asked.

“What it is,” Pig replied again.

“Better he may be,” the monsters said with a laugh, “but he won't tell us about himself. He just echoes our questions.”

“Ladies,” Pig asked, “why are you fetching water?”

“You wouldn't know, monk,” the demons replied with smiles. “Our lady brought a Tang Priest back to the cave last night and she wants to look after him well. As the water in our cave is none too clean she's sent us two to fetch some of this good water produced by the mating of the Yin and the Yang. She's laid on a vegetarian banquet as well for the Tang Priest; she's going to marry him this evening.”

As soon as he heard this the idiot rushed straight back up the mountain shouting. “Friar Sand, bring the luggage here at once. We're dividing it up.”

“Why, brother?” Friar Sand asked.

“When we've divided it up you can go back to man-eating in the Flowing Sands River,” Pig replied, “I'll return to Gao Village to see my wife, Big Brother can play the sage on the Mountain of Flowers and Fruit, and the white dragon can be a dragon in the ocean again. The master's getting married in this evil spirits cave. Let's all go and settle down.”

“You're talking nonsense again, you idiot,” replied Brother Monkey.

“I bloody well am not,” Pig retorted. “Those two evil spirits who were carrying water said a moment ago that a vegetarian wedding feast is being laid on for the master.”

“How can you say things like that when the evil spirits are holding the master prisoner in the cave and he's longing for us to go in and rescue him?” said Monkey.

“How can we rescue him?” Pig asked.

“You two bring the horse and the luggage, while we go with the two she-monsters as our guides,” Monkey replied. “When we reach the entrance we can act together.”

The idiot could only go with Monkey as he followed the two monsters for five or six miles deep into the mountains before suddenly disappearing. “So the master was captured by a devil in broad daylight,” exclaimed Pig with surprise.

“You've got good eyesight,” said Monkey. “How can you possibly tell what they really were?”

“Those two monsters were carrying the water along when suddenly they disappeared. They must be daytime devils.”

“I think they went into a cave,” said Monkey. “Wait while I go to have a look.”

The splendid Great Sage opened his fiery eyes with their golden pupils and scanned the whole mountain. He saw no movement, but did spot a ceremonial archway most intricately made with many flowers and colours, triple eaves and fourfold decorations in front of the cliff. Going closer with Pig and Friar Sand he saw four large words written on it:

PITFALL MOUNTAIN: BOTTOMLESS CAVE

“Brothers,” said Monkey, “here's the evil spirits' archway, but I still don't know where the entrance is.”

“Can't be far,” said Friar Sand, “can't be far. Let's have a good look for it.” When they turned round to look they saw a great rock over three miles around at the foot of the mountain beneath the archway. In the middle of it was a hole the size of a water-vat, which had become very slippery by repeated climbing.