Wu Cheng-en - Journey to the West (vol. 1)

“What?” Sanzang asked.

“I can't sleep,” Brother Monkey replied, “because when I was boasting to the crown prince yesterday about how my magical powers were higher than mountains and deeper than the sea I said that I could catch that fiend as easily as taking something out of a bag. I'd only have to stretch out my hand to grab him. Thinking about it I realize it would be difficult.”

“If it is difficult,” said the Tang Priest, “then give up the idea of catching the monster.”

“He's certainly got to be caught,” said Monkey, “but it isn't right.”

“You're talking nonsense, ape,” said the Tang Priest. “The fiend has usurped a throne. What do you mean by 'it isn't right?'”

“All you know about is reciting sutras, worshipping the Buddha, sitting in contemplation and seeking religious instruction,” said Monkey. “You've never seen the Legal Code. As the saying goes, 'You can't arrest someone for theft without the loot as evidence.' That fiend has been king for three years now without giving the game away. He sleeps with the consorts and concubines in the harem and shares the pleasures of the civil and military officials at court. I have the power to catch him all right; but it'll be hard to make the charges against him stick.”

“What do you mean by that?” asked the Tang Priest.

“Even if he normally kept his mouth as shut as an unopened gourd,” said Monkey, “he'll brazen it out with you and say, 'I'm the monarch of Wuji. What crime have I committed against Heaven that you should come to arrest me?' What written documentation have you got to back up your case against him?”

“How would you cope?” asked Sanzang.

“My plan's already made,” said Brother Monkey with a laugh. “The only thing is that it affects Your Reverence and your favoritism.”

“How do I show favoritism?” the Tang Priest asked.

“Because Pig is so stupid he's rather a pet of yours.”

“What do you mean by that?” the Tang Priest asked.

“Well, if he's not your favorite, be a bit bolder today and agree to stay here with Friar Sand while Pig and I go ahead to the capital of Wuji, find the palace gardens, open up the glazed-tile well, fish out the remains of the dead king, and wrap them up in a carrying-cloth. Then when we go into town tomorrow never mind about the travel documents-as soon as I see the fiend I'll have my cudgel out to kill him. If he tries to argue, show him the remains and the clothes and say, 'This is the man you murdered.' Then bring the crown prince in to mourn his father and the queen to identify the remains of her husband. Let all the civil and military officials see their true lord, and then Pig and I will set to. That's the only way we'll be able to win a contested lawsuit afterwards.”

On hearing this the Tang Priest concealed his delight and said, “But Pig might not be willing to go.”

“There you are,” said Monkey, “I said you showed favoritism. How do you know he won't want to go? It's just like the way you refused to respond for a whole hour when I kept trying to wake you. My three inches of tongue could make Pig come with me even if he were a Pig-and-a-half.”

“Very well,” said Sanzang, “call him if you like.”

Monkey then took his leave of the master, went straight to Pig's bed, and called his name. The idiot was lying with his head hanging down, snoring heavily after his exhausting journey. Mere calling was not going to wake him. Monkey grabbed him by his ears and his bristles, pulled him up, and shouted “Pig!” again. The idiot was still fast asleep.

When Monkey called him again Pig said, “Go to sleep, and stop fooling around. We've got to be on our way again tomorrow.”

“I'm not fooling,” said Monkey. “There's a piece of business for us two to do.”

“What sort of business?” Pig asked.

“Didn't you hear the prince telling us?” said Monkey.

“I didn't even see him,” said Pig, “let alone hear him say anything.”

“The prince told me that the fiend has a treasure that makes him a match for ten thousand men in a fight,” said Monkey. “When we go into town we'll have to fight him, and if he has that treasure he'll beat us. That would be terrible. I reckon that if the other side is stronger than you the best thing to do is to strike first. Wouldn't be best if the two of us went and stole his treasure?”

“You're trying to trick me into thieving, brother,” said Pig. “I'll come in on this bit of business, and I'll be very useful to you too, but first I want to get something clear with you. When we've stolen the treasure and captured the demon I won't stand for any mean, small-minded sharing out of the treasure. I want the lot.”

“Why?” Monkey asked. “I haven't got your gift of the gab. I can't wheedle food out of people. I'm clumsy and rough-spoken, and I can't recite sutras. When I'm really on my uppers I can always swap it for food.”

“All I'm interested in is fame,” said Monkey. “I don't care about treasures. You can have it if you like.” The idiot was so happy to be promised the treasure that he rolled himself out of bed, dressed, and set out with Monkey. It was a case of

Clear wine makes the cheeks go red;

Gold turns everybody's head.

The two of them opened the door very quietly, left Sanzang and took an auspicious cloud straight to the city.

They were soon there, and as they brought their cloud down to land they heard the drum on the tower being beaten twice. “It's the second watch, brother,” said Monkey.

“Just right,” said Pig, “just right. Everybody's fast asleep.” The two of them avoided the main gate and went round to the back gate of the palace, where clappers and bells were being sounded. “Brother,” said Monkey, “it sounds as though there's an alarm at both front and back gates. How are we going to get in?”

“Who ever heard of burglars going in through the gates?” said Pig. “Let's go over the wall so that nobody sees us.” Monkey accepted his suggestion, and with a bound he was on top of the inner wall. Pig jumped up too, then the pair of them crept inside and tried to find their way to the palace gardens.

As they walked along they saw a gate-tower in front of them with triple eaves and white ornaments. On it were two huge words, gleaming bright: ROYAL GARDENS. Going up to it for a closer look Brother Monkey saw that layer after layer of sealing paper had been pasted over the gates, and the locks on them had rusted hard. He then told Pig to get moving. The idiot raised his iron rake and brought it down with all his might on the gates, smashing them to splinters. Monkey was just going to step inside when he was seized with an irresistible urge to leap about and shout, to the horror of Pig who went up to him, grabbed him and said, “You'll be the death of me, brother. Who ever heard of burglars yelling like that? You'll wake them up and get us arrested and handed over to for trial. Then it'll be either a death sentence or being sent home as convicts.”

“Brother,” said Monkey, “do you know why I'm so upset? Just look!

Carved and painted balustrades all in a mess,

Precious pavilions leaning awry.

The sedge and nutweed on the bank are buried.

The peonies and raspberries have been ruined.

Gone is the fragrance of rose and jasmine;

Tree peony and wild lily flower in vain.

Hibiscus and rose of Sharon are overgrown,

And all the precious flowers choked.

The hillocks built from strange-shaped rocks have collapsed;

The fish are dead in the dried-up ponds.

Dry as tinder the pine and bamboo;

Mugwort and wormwood carpet the paths.

Broken the branches of peach and osmanthus,

Twisted the trunks of pomegranate and kerria.

Moss grows on the zigzag way to the bridge: