Wu Cheng-en - Journey to the West (vol. 1)

“Get up, my child,” said the she-devil. Monkey was delighted that his announcement had worked. “Where are you from?” the old devil asked.

“I have been sent at the command of the two kings of the Lotus Flower Cave in Flat-top Mountain to invite you, Ma'am, to a meal of the Tang Priest's flesh. They also ask you to bring your Dazzling Golden Cord to capture Sun the Novice with.” The old devil was very pleased indeed.

“What good, dutiful boys,” she said, sending for her carrying-chair.

“Good lord,” said Monkey to himself, “fancy a demon being carried in a chair.” Two she-devils came up from behind with a chair made of fragrant rattan. They set it down outside the doors, then lifted the green gauze curtain. The old devil left the cave and got into the chair. Some young she-devils followed her with comb-boxes, mirrors and stands, towels and a scent box.

“What are all you here for? I'm going to visit my own sons, and there'll be no shortage of people to look after me there. I won't need you lot to fuss over me and natter. Go back in, shut the doors, and look after the place.” All the little demons apart from the two chair-porters did indeed go back in. “What are you two messengers called?” asked the old she-devil.

“He's called Mountain Tiger,” Monkey quickly replied, “and I'm Ocean Dragon.”

“You two take the lead and clear the way for me,” said the old she-devil.

“Stinking luck,” thought Monkey. “No scriptures yet, on top of which I've got to be her slave.” As there could be no question of refusing he had to lead the way, chanting loudly, “Lift the chair!”

When he had covered a couple of miles or thereabouts he sat down on the edge of a precipice. When the chair-porters caught him up he suggested, “What about a little rest? Your shoulders must be aching under the weight.” Not realizing that this was a trick the little devils put the chair down. Standing behind it Monkey pulled a hair from his chest and turned it into a sesame bun that he ate as he held it.

“What are you eating, sir?” the chair-porters asked.

“It's a bit awkward to explain,” replied Monkey. “We came a very long way to invite Her Highness, but as I've been given no food I'm hungry. When I've eaten some of these dry rations I brought with me we can be on our way.”

“Give us a bit,” the porters pleaded.

“Come over here, then,” said Monkey. “There's no need to be too careful within the family.”

Unaware of what was up, the little devils crowded round Monkey for a share of his dry rations, whereupon he produced his cudgel. The one he hit on the head was smashed to pulp when trying to ward the blow off; the other, who was only grazed, survived to groan aloud. Hearing these groans the old demon poked her head out from the chair to take a look. Monkey leapt round to the front of the chair and brought his cudgel down on her head, denting her skull and making blood and brains spurt out. Dragging her out of the chair for a good look he found she was really a nine-tailed vixen.

“Vicious brute,” he said, “fancy you having yourself called 'Your Highness'. If you're a 'your highness' then you ought to address me as Supreme Ancestral Lord.” The splendid Monkey King then found her Dazzling Golden Cord, and gloated as he tucked it up his sleeve, “Those lousy demons may have their magical powers, but three of their treasure are mine now.” He then pulled out two more hairs that he turned into doubles of Mountain Tiger and Ocean Dragon, as well as two more that he turned into the chair-porters. He then made himself look like the old lady, sat in the chair, and had it carried straight back the way he had come.

It was not long before they were at the entrance to the Lotus Flower Cave and the two hairs turned chair-porters were clamoring for the doors to be opened. The little devil on the doors asked whether Mountain Tiger and Ocean Dragon were back.

“Yes,” replied the hairs.

“Did you persuade Her Highness to come?”

“Can't you see her in the chair?” asked the hairs, pointing.

“Wait a moment while I report inside,” said the little devil, who went in to announce, “Your Majesties, Her Highness is here.” At this the two demon kings had a table of incense-sticks set out to greet her. Monkey was quietly delighted to hear all this.

“What luck,” he thought. “It's my turn to do it in style now. I had to kowtow with the invitation to the old she-devil when I turned myself into a little devil. Now that I've turned myself into her I'm their mother, and they'll have to kowtow four times to me. It may not mean much, but at least I'll be a couple of kowtows up.”

The splendid Great Sage got out of the carrying chair, straightened his clothes, and put the four hairs back on his body. The little devil on the doors carried the empty chair inside, and Monkey walked slowly in behind him, imitating the old she-devil's affected wiggles. As he went straight in devils big and small knelt in greeting. A drum and fife band started to play, and clouds of incense rose from the Boshan burners. On reaching the main hall he sat down, facing regally South, while the two demon kings kowtowed to him with the words, “Mother, your children kowtow to you.”

“Get up, my children,” said Monkey.

Pig, still hanging from a roof-beam, began to roar with laughter. “You're a fine one, brother,” said Friar Sand, “laughing while hung up.”

“I know what I'm doing,” said Pig.

“And what are you doing?” asked Friar Sand.

“I was afraid that when the old woman came we'd be cooked and eaten. But it's not her: it's the old story.”

“What old story?” asked Friar Sand.

“The Protector of the Horses is here,” said Pig.

“How can you tell?” asked Friar Sand. “When she leant forward and said, 'Get up, my children,' a monkey's tail stuck out behind her. I can see better than you because I'm hung up higher.”

“Stop talking,” said Friar Sand. “Let's listen to what they say.”

“Yes, yes,” said Pig.

“Well, boys, why have you asked me here?” asked Monkey as he sat between the two demon kings.

“Mother,” they replied, “we've been most discourteous to you for many days and not done our duty by you. But this morning we captured the Tang Priest from the East, and we wouldn't dream of eating him by ourselves. So we invited you over to present him to you live. We'll cook him and offer him to you to eat: he'll prolong your life.”

“I won't eat the Tang Priest's flesh, dear boys,” Monkey replied, “but they do say that Pig's ears are delicious. Could you cut them off and have them prepared? They'd go down well with a drink.”

“A pox on you,” exclaimed Pig in panic when he heard. “So you're here to cut my ears off. What I'll have to say won't make pleasant listening.”

Oh dear! Because the idiot's remarks gave the game away the Monkey King's cover was blown. In burst a crowd of little demons, mountain rangers and doorkeepers to report, “Disaster, Your Majesties. Sun the Novice has killed the old lady and disguised himself as her.”

The moment the demon kings heard this there was no time for arguments: the Seven-star Sword was brought out, and it cut straight at Monkey's face. The splendid Great Sage moved in a flash: the cave was full of red light, and he was gone. A trick like that really was fun: he could concentrate himself into solid form, or disperse into vapor. The Senior Demon King was out of his wits with terror, while all the other devils hit their fingers and shook their heads.

“Brother,” said the senior king, “let's give the Tang Priest, Friar Sand, Pig, the white horse and all their baggage back to Sun the Novice and end the quarrel between us.”

“What a thing to say,” replied the Junior King. “Goodness only knows how much trouble we went to in our plan to capture all those monks. But now you're so intimidated by Sun the Novice's amazing transformations that you want to give everything back to him. You really are a coward. No man would act like that. You sit down and stop being so terrified. I've heard you tell of his tremendous magical powers, but I've never tried my skill against his although we did meet. Bring me my armor. I'm going to find him and fight three rounds with him. If he can't beat me in those three rounds then the Tang Priest will be ours to eat; and if I can't beat him we'll give him back the Tang Priest.”