George Grossmith - The Diary of a Nobody

However, they never even referred to it, but Carrie declared that a message came through the table to her of a wonderful description, concerning someone whom she and I knew years ago, and who was quite unknown to the others. When we went to bed, Carrie asked me as a favour to sit tomorrow night, to oblige her. She said it seemed rather unkind and unsociable on my part. I promised I would sit once.

JUNE1. I sat reluctantly at the table in the evening, and I am bound to admit some curious things happened. I contend they were coincidences, but they were curious. For instance, the table kept tilting towards me, which Carrie construed as a desire that I should ask the spirit a question. I obeyed the rules, and I asked the spirit (who said her name was Lina) if she could tell me the name of an old aunt of whom I was thinking, and whom we used to call Aunt Maggie. The table spelled out CAT. We could make nothing out of it, till I suddenly remembered that her second name was Catherine, which it was evidently trying to spell. I don’t think even Carrie knew this. But if she did, she would never cheat. I must admit it was curious. Several other things happened, and I consented to sit at another séance on Monday.

JUNE 3. The laundress called, and said she was very sorry about the handkerchiefs, and returned ninepence. I said, as the colour was completely washed out and the handkerchiefs quite spoiled, ninepence was not enough. Carrie replied that the two handkerchiefs originally only cost sixpence, for she remembered buying them at a sale at the Holloway Bon Marché . In that case, I insisted that threepence should be returned to the laundress. Lupin has gone to stay with the Poshes for a few days. I must say I feel very uncomfortable about it. Carrie said I was ridiculous to worry about it. Mr Posh was very fond of Lupin, who, after all, was only a mere boy.

In the evening we had another séance, which, in some respects was very remarkable, although the first part of it was a little doubtful. Gowing called, as well as Cummings, and begged to be allowed to join the circle. I wanted to object, but Mrs James, who appears a good Medium (that is, if there is anything in it at all), thought there might be a little more spirit power if Gowing joined; so the five of us sat down.

The moment I turned out the gas, and almost before I could get my hands on the table, it rocked violently and tilted, and began moving quickly across the room. Gowing shouted out: ‘Way, oh! steady, lad, steady!’ I told Gowing if he could not behave himself I should light the gas, and put an end to the séance. To tell the truth, I thought Gowing was playing tricks, and I hinted as much; but Mrs James said she had often seen the table go right off the ground. The spirit ‘Lina’ came again, and said ‘ WARN’ three or four times, and declined to explain. Mrs James said ‘Lina’ was stubborn sometimes. She often behaved like that, and the best thing to do was to send her away.

She then hit the table sharply, and said: ‘Go away, Lina; you are disagreeable. Go away!’ I should think we sat nearly three-quarters of an hour with nothing happening. My hands felt quite cold, and I suggested we should stop the séance. Carrie and Mrs James, as well as Cummings, would not agree to it. In about ten minutes’ time there was some til ting towards me. I gave the alphabet, and it spelled out ‘ SPOOF’. As I have heard both Gowing and Lupin use the word, and as I could hear Gowing silently laughing, I directly accused him of pushing the table. He denied it; but I regret to say, I did not believe him.

Gowing said: ‘Perhaps it means “Spook”, a ghost.’

I said: ‘ You know it doesn’t mean anything of the sort.’

Gowing said: ‘Oh! very well – I’m sorry I “spook”,’ and rose from the table.

No one took any notice of the stupid joke, and Mrs James suggested he should sit out for a while. Gowing consented and sat in the arm-chair.

The table began to move again, and we might have had a wonderful séance but for Gowing’s stupid interruptions. In answer to the alphabet from Carrie the table spelt ‘ NIPUL’, then the ‘ WARN’ three times. We could not think what it meant till Cummings pointed out that ‘ NIPUL’ was Lupin spelled backwards. This was quite exciting. Carrie was particularly excited, and said she hoped nothing horrible was going to happen.

Mrs James asked if ‘Lina’ was the spirit. The table replied firmly, ‘No,’ and the spirit would not give his or her name. We then had the message, ‘ NIPULwill be very rich.’

Carrie said she felt quite relieved, but the word ‘ WARN’ was again spelt out. The table then began to oscillate violently, and in reply to Mrs James, who spoke very softly to the table, the spirit began to spell its name. It first spelled ‘ DRINK’.

Gowing here said: ‘Ah! that’s more in my line.’

I asked him to be quiet as the name might not be completed.

The table then spelt ‘ WATER.’

Gowing here interrupted again, and said: ‘Ah! that’s not in my line. Outside if you like, but not inside.’

Carrie appealed to him to be quiet.

The table then spelt ‘ CAPTAIN’, and Mrs James startled us by crying out, ‘Captain Drinkwater, a very old friend of my father’s, who has been dead some years.’

This was more interesting, and I could not help thinking that after all there must be something in Spiritualism.

Mrs James asked the spirit to interpret the meaning of the word ‘Warn’ as applied to ‘ NIPUL’. The alphabet was given again, and we got the word ‘ BOSH’.

Gowing here muttered: ‘So it is.’

Mrs James said she did not think the spirit meant that, as Captain Drinkwater was a perfect gentleman, and would never have used the word in answer to a lady’s question. Accordingly the alphabet was given again.

This time the table spelled distinctly ‘ POSH’. We all thought of Mrs Murray Posh and Lupin. Carrie was getting a little distressed, and as it was getting late we broke up the circle.

We arranged to have one more tomorrow, as it will be Mrs James’s last night in town. We also determined not to have Gowing present.

Cummings, before leaving, said it was certainly interesting, but he wished the spirits would say something about him.

JUNE 4. Quite looking forward to the séance this evening. Was thinking of it all day at the office.

Just as we sat down at the table we were annoyed by Gowing entering without knocking.

He said: ‘I am not going to stop, but I have brought with me a sealed envelope, which I know I can trust with Mrs Pooter. In that sealed envelope is a strip of paper on which I have asked a simple question. If the spirits can answer that question, I will believe in Spiritualism.’

I ventured the expression that it might be impossible.

Mrs James said: ‘Oh no! it is of common occurrence for the spirits to answer questions under such conditions – and even for them to write on locked slates. It is quite worth trying. If “Lina” is in a good temper, she is certain to do it.’

Gowing said: ‘All right; then I shall be a firm believer. I shall perhaps drop in about half-past nine or ten, and hear the result.’

He then left and we sat a long time. Cummings wanted to know something about some undertaking in which he was concerned, but he could get no answer of any description whatever – at which he said he was very disappointed and was afraid there was not much in table-turning after all. I thought this rather selfish of him. The séance was very similar to the one last night, almost the same in fact. So we turned to the letter. ‘Lina’ took a long time answering the question, but eventually spelt out ‘ ROSES, LILIES, AND COWS’. There was a great rocking of the table at this time, and Mrs James said: ‘If that is Captain Drinkwater, let us ask him the answer as well.’