Charles Dickens - Life And Adventures Of Martin Chuzzlewit

Martin drew back involuntarily, for he knew the voice at once.

“You're always full of your chaff,” said the shopman, rolling up the article (which looked like a shirt) quite as a matter of course, and nibbing his pen upon the counter.

“I shall never be full of my wheat,” said Mr Tigg, “as long as I come here. Ha, ha! Not bad! Make it two-and-six, my dear friend, positively for this occasion only. Half-a-crown is a delightful coin. Two-and-six. Going at two-and-six! For the last time at two-and-six!”

“It'll never be the last time till it's quite worn out,” rejoined the shopman. “It's grown yellow in the service as it is.”

“Its master has grown yellow in the service, if you mean that, my friend,” said Mr Tigg; “in the patriotic service of an ungrateful country. You are making it two-and-six, I think?”

“I'm making it,” returned the shopman, “what it always has been—two shillings. Same name as usual, I suppose?”

“Still the same name,” said Mr Tigg; “my claim to the dormant peerage not being yet established by the House of Lords.”

“The old address?”

“Not at all,” said Mr Tigg; “I have removed my town establishment from thirty-eight, Mayfair, to number fifteen-hundred-and-forty-two, Park Lane.”

“Come, I'm not going to put down that, you know,” said the shopman with a grin.

“You may put down what you please, my friend,” quoth Mr Tigg. “The fact is still the same. The apartments for the under-butler and the fifth footman being of a most confounded low and vulgar kind at thirty-eight, Mayfair, I have been compelled, in my regard for the feelings which do them so much honour, to take on lease for seven, fourteen, or twenty-one years, renewable at the option of the tenant, the elegant and commodious family mansion, number fifteenhundred-and-forty-two Park Lane. Make it two-and-six, and come and see me!”

The shopman was so highly entertained by this piece of humour that Mr Tigg himself could not repress some little show of exultation. It vented itself, in part, in a desire to see how the occupant of the next box received his pleasantry; to ascertain which he glanced round the partition, and immediately, by the gaslight, recognized Martin.

“I wish I may die,” said Mr Tigg, stretching out his body so far that his head was as much in Martin's little cell as Martin's own head was, “but this is one of the most tremendous meetings in Ancient or Modern History! How are you? What is the news from the agricultural districts? How are our friends the P. “s? Ha, ha! David, pay particular attention to this gentleman immediately, as a friend of mine, I beg.”

“Here! Please to give me the most you can for this,” said Martin, handing the watch to the shopman. “I want money sorely.”

“He wants money, sorely!” cried Mr Tigg with excessive sympathy. “David, will you have the goodness to do your very utmost for my friend, who wants money sorely. You will deal with my friend as if he were myself. A gold hunting-watch, David, engine-turned, capped and jewelled in four holes, escape movement, horizontal lever, and warranted to perform correctly, upon my personal reputation, who have observed it narrowly for many years, under the most trying circumstances'—here he winked at Martin, that he might understand this recommendation would have an immense effect upon the shopman; “what do you say, David, to my friend? Be very particular to deserve my custom and recommendation, David.”

“I can lend you three pounds on this, if you like” said the shopman to Martin, confidentially. “It is very old-fashioned. I couldn't say more.”

“And devilish handsome, too,” cried Mr Tigg. “Two-twelve-six for the watch, and seven-and-six for personal regard. I am gratified; it may be weakness, but I am. Three pounds will do. We take it. The name of my friend is Smivey: Chicken Smivey, of Holborn, twentysix-and-a-half B: lodger.”Here he winked at Martin again, to apprise him that all the forms and ceremonies prescribed by law were now complied with, and nothing remained but the receipt for the money.

In point of fact, this proved to be the case, for Martin, who had no resource but to take what was offered him, signified his acquiescence by a nod of his head, and presently came out with the cash in his pocket. He was joined in the entry by Mr Tigg, who warmly congratulated him, as he took his arm and accompanied him into the street, on the successful issue of the negotiation.

“As for my part in the same,” said Mr Tigg, “don't mention it. Don't compliment me, for I can't bear it!”

“I have no such intention, I assure you,” retorted Martin, releasing his arm and stopping.

“You oblige me very much” said Mr Tigg. “Thank you.”

“Now, sir,” observed Martin, biting his lip, “this is a large town, and we can easily find different ways in it. If you will show me which is your way, I will take another.”

Mr Tigg was about to speak, but Martin interposed:

“I need scarcely tell you, after what you have just seen, that I have nothing to bestow upon your friend Mr Slyme. And it is quite as unnecessary for me to tell you that I don't desire the honour of your company.”

“Stop” cried Mr Tigg, holding out his hand. “Hold! There is a most remarkably long-headed, flowing-bearded, and patriarchal proverb, which observes that it is the duty of a man to be just before he is generous. Be just now, and you can be generous presently. Do not confuse me with the man Slyme. Do not distinguish the man Slyme as a friend of mine, for he is no such thing. I have been compelled, sir, to abandon the party whom you call Slyme. I have no knowledge of the party whom you call Slyme. I am, sir,” said Mr Tigg, striking himself upon the breast, “a premium tulip, of a very different growth and cultivation from the cabbage Slyme, sir.”

“It matters very little to me,” said Martin coolly, “whether you have set up as a vagabond on your own account, or are still trading on behalf of Mr Slyme. I wish to hold no correspondence with you. In the devil's name, man” said Martin, scarcely able, despite his vexation, to repress a smile as Mr Tigg stood leaning his back against the shutters of a shop window, adjusting his hair with great composure, “will you go one way or other?”

“You will allow me to remind you, sir,” said Mr Tigg, with sudden dignity, “that you—not I—that you—I say emphatically, YOU—have reduced the proceedings of this evening to a cold and distant matter of business, when I was disposed to place them on a friendly footing. It being made a matter of business, sir, I beg to say that I expect a trifle (which I shall bestow in charity) as commission upon the pecuniary advance, in which I have rendered you my humble services. After the terms in which you have addressed me, sir,” concluded Mr Tigg, “you will not insult me, if you please, by offering more than half-a-crown.”

Martin drew that piece of money from his pocket, and tossed it towards him. Mr Tigg caught it, looked at it to assure himself of its goodness, spun it in the air after the manner of a pieman, and buttoned it up. Finally, he raised his hat an inch or two from his head with a military air, and, after pausing a moment with deep gravity, as to decide in which direction he should go, and to what Earl or Marquis among his friends he should give the preference in his next call, stuck his hands in his skirt-pockets and swaggered round the corner. Martin took the directly opposite course; and so, to his great content, they parted company.

It was with a bitter sense of humiliation that he cursed, again and again, the mischance of having encountered this man in the pawnbroker's shop. The only comfort he had in the recollection was, Mr Tigg's voluntary avowal of a separation between himself and Slyme, that would at least prevent his circumstances (so Martin argued) from being known to any member of his family, the bare possibility of which filled him with shame and wounded pride. Abstractedly there was greater reason, perhaps, for supposing any declaration of Mr Tigg's to be false, than for attaching the least credence to it; but remembering the terms on which the intimacy between that gentleman and his bosom friend had subsisted, and the strong probability of Mr Tigg's having established an independent business of his own on Mr Slyme's connection, it had a reasonable appearance of probability; at all events, Martin hoped so; and that went a long way.