Giovanni Arpino - Scent of a Woman

A tingling sensation scampered along the walls of my stomach, like a laugh incapable of exploding.

No one in the entire building had heard the shot, or was it shots? Sara’s mother had been the first to make the discovery, though accidentally, spurred by her womanly concern for those men, friends and customers, who had been left alone in the house without even a housekeeper. Fortunately she found the door open. A pharmacist on night-duty provided first aid, to stop the bleeding. A good friend. That’s how the morning had begun, all a distraught hustle and bustle…

‘I arrived later, fortunately in uniform, because of some business at the barracks. A uniform protects you. You did well to put yours back on too…’

Certainly at the police precinct they were regretful about the disappearance of the captain from Turin. Perhaps that captain, though he too was blind, would have been able to shed some light on certain things: a fit of madness on the part of his friend, or any other motives that might have come up at the family party. But actually no one doubted that it was madness; among the severely disabled it is precisely the well-to-do, who have no issues of immediate survival, who suffer the most and sometimes lose heart to the point of harming themselves and others…

‘Though there are exceptions. For example, a man in my neighbourhood, also blind but sharp as a tack, you should see him eat, drink, play checkers…’

In any case the Commissioner himself – swearing angrily as he sent away two news-hungry journalists – had very compassionately interpreted the guest’s disappearance as natural, surely motivated by emotion, despair, being powerless to help…

‘A very kind person, this Commissioner. But when you talk to him, watch your step. Because he always yeses you, but you have to repeat things to him a thousand times. For all his sensitivity, he’s more adamant than a tank.’

I too had surely been a victim of that same despair. Poor dim-witted soldier, far from home. Who knows where I might be now with my captain clinging to my arm? They assumed we were missing but still in the city; with the help of God we would recover our senses, we would go back. Or some agent would recognize us, a matter of hours…

‘They left a policeman at the house, not a detective, only a uniformed officer. Another thing: who wiped down the gun? Do you want to know? The caretaker. A poor old woman, not even the Commissioner had the heart to scold her. Here too, God showed His hand, believe it or not.’

In fact there had never been any talk of wrongdoing, there was no suspect, no charges, only the shadow of fate, the unfair, malevolent caprice of an existence that carries everyone along, affords no peace to any creature on this earth…

‘Do you get my drift? When it comes to well-bred gentlemen, even adversity puts on white gloves. That’s how it is.’ He peered at me from hooded eyelids.

‘What about Sara?’ I asked.

He spread his arms in resignation before responding.

‘Little or nothing was said. Her mother quickly explained that the young woman was in bed, she didn’t feel well, too many iced drinks. Of course tomorrow she’ll have to appear. The Commissioner, that fine gentleman, is just like I described, he may call you “sir”, but he questions you, he telephones. And who knows what he may still be thinking? She has to show up, the young lady. Tomorrow. Maybe even better tonight.’

I saw an electric charge go through the air. And that crawling sensation in my stomach tingled no end.

‘That’s how it is,’ the soldier repeated looking up at me. ‘You’re laughing? Lucky you, then.’

But I wasn’t able to. My throat was parched, stifled.

‘Plain crazy,’ he said between sighs, his eyes downcast again. ‘But the whole world is that way. You just have to be forewarned.’

‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘Right.’

My eyes held a vision, ridiculous but real: a kind of toy track, with lots of tiny cars racing along; swiftly they devour the space ahead of them, mindlessly perfect. And we were just like them. Something had held us in a vacuum, something else now set us back in motion.

‘But you, didn’t your leave expire?’ he was really worried. ‘Don’t take a chance and leave that way. Have them issue you something in writing. From the precinct, from your captain if he’s still aware of what’s going on. Or even from the Commissioner. Listen to me. Do you want to pay for other people’s messes?’

‘No, no.’

He raised his sharp face again.

‘And the young lady? I mean, did anything happen?’

‘What?’ I said, realizing too late.

He was already raising his hands in surrender.

‘Why are you looking at me that way?’ he shot back, satisfied. ‘I was just asking. What harm would there be? In these situations, with all the anxiety, the darkness, the confusion. A man is still a man. Things happen. But then she only has eyes for that other one, the crazy one, right? I forgot.’

‘She’s a good girl,’ I reproached him foolishly.

‘Of course. Who would deny it?’ he agreed, surprised. ‘But even good girls can be fun like the others. Maybe even more so.’

I glanced towards the curve of the path, certain I would see Sara. Though on the other hand she might have fallen asleep or joined him under the tree again.

‘You: were you there?’ Miccichè asked in his most distracted tone.

‘We heard. From the courtyard.’

‘Didn’t see? Anything?’

‘Only heard. Then—’

He quickly gestured for me to stop.

‘I don’t want to know,’ he said bluntly. ‘The less I know the better it is. Still, you’ll have to tell the Commissioner something. And always the same thing, like a broken record. Think about it ahead of time. You can say you were sleeping. Or that you had too much to drink. No, wait: not drunk. For those people being drunk is always an aggravating circumstance.’

I pointed behind him.

‘I’ll have to talk with him about it.’

He shook his head in disgust.

‘Bravo. You really found your man. First he drowns you, then he asks you if you’re all right; first he grinds you into the dirt, then he asks you if you liked it, if you’re okay.’

‘You don’t know him.’

‘And I don’t want to know him. Still, he’s a gentleman and you’ll get to hell before him.’ He laughed, showing his long teeth.

I laughed too. ‘Are you a communist?’

He pointed a finger at me. ‘There are situations where I can talk like a communist. But I don’t get worked up over politics. I have enough troubles of my own. And you, what are you?’

‘Nothing,’ I said, ‘I don’t believe in those things. Never have.’

He nodded gravely. ‘You’re right,’ he said, ‘everyone has to solve his own problems. A small fish swims fast, too many small fish together attract nets.’

‘Still, I envy them, those others. United, they keep each other company. At least it seems that way.’

‘ Seems . Exactly. It’s all show.’ He rubbed his nose vigorously up and down. ‘Mules get along well together, thoroughbred horses don’t. Though this is a world that is more and more for mules. All shouting the same things. Do you get me? Because I’m glad to be your friend. A friend from another place is always an advantage in life.’

‘A records clerk, you told me the other day. What preparation have you had? Or are you still studying?’

He pulled a long face, glum. ‘I’ve already finished my schooling. But they were worthless studies. A records clerk, true, that too, but in the near future. I have an uncle on my mother’s side in the public records department, at the town hall. He’s holding a post for me, for when I finish military duty. Some fun, huh? But first this famous job and then we’ll see. But why are we still here talking? It’s hot, the sun is blazing, we haven’t eaten and you have the Commissioner to think about. Slippery as an eel, that’s how you have to be. And the captain? Up at the house?’