Ever Dundas - Goblin

I once said to Ben, what would you do if these buildings disappeared? If they went up in flames? How would you feel? I’d dance in the flames, he said. I’d dance. So I close my eyes and I dance. ‘Stay safe, old lady,’ he said to me, but London burns and I sway, feeling the heat. When I open my eyes, I see the looters have joined my dance. Some dare each other, dancing close to the flames. I weave my way through them and walk away from the fire, my feet crunching on smashed glass.

Time has collapsed, and we are there and here. London is burning, the headlines scrolling in a flurried panic across the screen. BREAKING NEWS. A capitalist warzone of burning cars and stolen flat screen TVs.

The pet massacre has been wiped off the page of every newspaper. What does the past matter when London is in flames now?

London, April 1941

‘It was an accident,’ they said, ‘we’re sure it was an accident.’ Sure, I thought, sure, we all know it wasn’t any kind of accident. Ma was dead, drowned herself in the Thames. Ma was dead and I was gone. I didn’t go with the policeman. I slipped through that door, jumped on my scooter and I was off. They weren’t taking me to some orphanage. They weren’t putting me on a train to the sea and the attic and the unholy bastards. I was my own person now and I had a family to look after. I waited, watching until they’d gone and I crept back and I gathered my family and blankets and food and off we went on the Underground to Kensal Green and our new home in the crypt.

‘It’s only temporary,’ I said to them. ‘It’s only until the heat is off.’

Captain Flint sat on my shoulder. Groo prowled round the crypt, sniffing and peeing and scratching.

‘Get!’ I yelled, ‘Don’t go stinking up this crypt. Do your peeing outside.’

‘Well, this is a fine situation.’

Queen Isabella, Amelia and Scholler were standing at the entrance, looking down on us all.

‘Yes,’ said Amelia, ‘a fine situation.’

‘Don’t you two start. I’m doing the best I can.’

‘It’s the orphanage for you,’ said Amelia, looking very smug indeed.

‘No, Miss Amelia, I’m not going to some orphanage to be murdered by the likes of you,’ I said, collecting some leaves for the chickens, ‘I’ll get our house back. I will.’

‘We’ll see,’ said Amelia.

‘Come,’ said Queen Isabella, ‘I can’t stand the stink of these beasts.’

‘A lot of good you lot are,’ I said, watching them walk off amongst the gravestones.

I got some more leaves and put them in the corner and the chickens scratched around and clucked and seemed content, but then Dr Kemp started pecking at Billy Bones. That Dr Kemp would peck Billy Bones’ feathers right out so that he’d be all patchy and his arse was as naked as could be. That naked chicken arse looked like a chicken arse you’d eat, just like you’d get from the butchers, except this chicken was walking around and if you so much as tried to shove it in the oven for the Sunday roast it would peck your eyes out for certain. It made me think of Cornwall and that old Wendy who really did have a face like a chicken arse and I started to think about that and about Angel and the sea. I wrote to her and told her all my woes, but I didn’t send it. I read it over then ripped it up. I was going to write to her after she told me Ann and Bill were adopting her but I didn’t and she sent me another postcard saying she’d made a friend, one of the town kids. She said I’d like him, he was almost as crazy as me. I didn’t reply. The next few postcards she was more worried and I liked making her worry, making her wait. And anyway, I had more important things to think about, I had problems to solve; a home to get back and a stressed out chicken I needed to keep from bullying Mr Bones.

I went back to the neighbourhood every day, keeping an eye on the house. The policemen returned, looked round the house and talked to some neighbours. No house, and ma’s money was running out. We’d no longer have rations for a whole family. We’d starve, we’d die from cold.

I went back to the family and we discussed our situation and I said, ‘Chickens, you’ve got to earn your keep.’

Not long after CP disappeared, I trained the chickens to come when I called to make sure I could keep them from danger. I pretended they were my crew on the good ship Goblin. I’d call ‘Crew!’ and shake their food and they’d come running. I decided to see if they’d still come if I only called and didn’t shake any food for them and they did but they’d fuss and cluck around me, expectant. When I saw how they thought the word crew meant they’d get food I decided to see if I could teach them tricks.

I held an old walking stick horizontal just above the ground and in the other hand I held their food. If they sidled round the stick to get to the food I wouldn’t give them anything. If they jumped the stick I made a clicking noise with my tongue and gave them a reward. They were clever those chickens, they caught on pretty quickly. I raised the stick higher and higher until I thought it looked impressive enough. I worked with them every day, trying out different ideas.

‘We’ll be an Underground hit, me and my chicken crew,’ I said to Groo, who yawned at me. ‘We’ll be a sensation!’

Off we went, busking on the Underground, collecting pennies. We always went to the same station, taking the same route every day. We’d get funny looks from people but I’d pretend like I didn’t notice, nose in air, marching along, calling ‘Crew!’ if they stopped to gobble some insects or roll about in the dust. And off we’d march, people turning to look at us, laughing and calling me Chicken Boy.

We soon had regulars watching our show at the station, laughing and clapping, oohing and aahing when the chickens jumped the stick or jumped through a hoop. I took my scooter apart, leaving only the board with the wheels and tied on a bit of string. When I called Billy Bones he’d jump on the board and when I clicked my fingers Dr Kemp picked up the string in his beak and pulled Billy along the platform. I got cheers and laughter for that one and the chickens got their treats as I was showered with pennies. I worried I might have some trouble with chicken stealers but the regulars soon saw to anyone who tried it on.

‘We’re the breadwinners now,’ I said to the chicken crew, pouring the coins onto the floor of our crypt. ‘Now I need to figure out how to get our house back.’

I went back to our neighbourhood with Monsta every day, leaving the rest of the family in the cemetery. On this day, I stood at Miss Campbell’s gate, all lost in my head, staring at my house. I didn’t know what good just staring at it would do, but that’s what I did, keeping my distance in case the police came back. I was all lost in my head and almost fell in the road with fright when Miss Campbell shouted, ‘Goblin!’ I dropped Monsta who looked all put out and was moody the rest of the day, but it turned out to be a good thing me loitering at Miss Campbell’s. I’d forgotten about poor Betty what with all the troubles I’d been having and I thought Miss Campbell would be mighty mad but she wasn’t, she was just glad I was alright because the police had been round all the neighbours and she thought something had happened to me. Betty came ambling out the door, but when she saw me she trundled down the path and I bent down and she barked in my face and slobbered all over me her tail going like crazy. I ruffled her head and told her I was sorry and I told Miss Campbell my story of woe and tribulations, telling her that no way was I going to an orphanage and losing my family and who would walk Betty, miss? Who? Miss Campbell eyed me for a bit before saying, ‘Don’t you worry, Goblin. I’ll get the authorities off your back.’