Tracie Peterson - Dawns Prelude

"Yes," he admitted.

"Bad enough that it scares you, too." She could see the fear in his eyes.

"Yes."

She knew she had a choice to make. She could continue and hear the truth of what had happened that night. It was obvious Kjell would tell her, if she wanted him to. But what if it turned out to be more than she could handle? Lydia suddenly wasn't at all sure that it was better to know. A rising tide of terror rose inside her. She knew that whatever awaited her in those damaged memories was powerful enough to have caused her to hide them away in the first place.

"I don't know what to do," she said, tears streaming down her face. "I need to know, but I'm afraid."

Kjell reached for her again, and this time Lydia allowed him to hold her. "I'll do whatever you ask, but please know that I have only remained silent in the hope that you might not suffer more than you already are."

What could he worse? She couldn't imagine that it was even possible to hurt more than she already did, but something deep inside convinced her that Kjell was speaking the truth. There was something much worse, much more horrific than she could even imagine. A monster awaited her. A monster that very well might devour her.

The next morning Lydia sat at the table with Kjell andZcrclda and contemplated all that had happened the night before. She had warred within herself trying to figure out whether it was better to know the truth and deal with the pain or to continue to block out the memories. Something terrified her about knowing the past. She knew it would change everything… but then, whatever had happened had already reordered her life.

Not only that, but she couldn't even hide behind the excuse that by not knowing, she was somehow saving Zerelda and Kjell from suffering. That couldn't be-they knew what had happened. She had often come across her husband in prayer, tears rolling down his face, and knew he was hurting.

She put her hands around her untouched cup of coffee and made up her mind. "I think I need to understand what happened that night-what you are both trying to save me from knowing. I realize it's bad. I know there will be pain. And I know that your telling me won't change that I don't remember; however, it might allow me to stop fighting against those memories."

Zcrclda looked at Kjell and nodded. "I think she's right. I think it's time to explain everything."

"Where do we start?" he asked.

"Start with that night. You told me about the man who came and shot me," Lydia said. "Why did he shoot me? Was it a robbery?"

"I n a sense," Kjell replied. He let out a heavy breath and rubbed his temple. " Lydia, you were a widow when you came to Sitka. You had been married to a man named Floyd Gray back in Kansas City."

Lydia struggled to remember any part of that life. There had been fleeting images of people she didn't recognize, but nothing solid. "What happened to make me a widow?"

"Your husband and father died in a carriage accident. They were together when it happened," Zerelda explained. "Your husband died instantly, and your father my brother passed on two days later."

"All right. What does that have to do with me being here?"

You wanted to leave Kansas City because the family-your stepchildren-were cruel to you. You inherited money from your father," Zerelda continued. "Remember when you mentioned the word inheritance being important to you, and I told you about the inheritance from your father?"

Lydia nodded. "Yes."

"It left you quite wealthy, but it also took away some of the fortunes of the Gray family. Apparently your late husband's will was closely tied to your father's. I don't know all of the details, but your lawyer could tell you better than I."

"So I came here to live with you, and they were angry at me?"

"Yes, because they hoped to recover their fortune."

"But why didn't I just give it to them? It doesn't sound like it would be worth the battle and animosity to keep hold of something like that."

"You were pregnant," Kjell said matter-of-factly. "You were expecting your late husband's baby and decided that the baby was entitled to part of the fortune."

"A baby?" Lydia shook her head. She stood and pushed away from the table. The chair fell to the floor. "What baby? What are you talking about?"

Zerelda stood and reached out for Lydia. "Try to remain calm about this, Lydia. It won't serve you well to get upset."

"But you're telling me…" She looked at them in confusion. "What are you telling me? Are you saying I have a child?"

"Yes. A son named Dalton. Our son."

Lydia felt as if the room were spinning. She had so often dreamed of a baby. Even now she could envision the child crying in his cradle. She longed to hold him and comfort him. Was this the child of whom Kjell spoke? Why couldn't she remember her own son?

"Where is he? Is he dead?"

Kjell shook his head. "I don't think so."

Hysteria edged her voice. "What do you mean? Don't you know whether he's dead or alive?"

Zerelda turned Lydia to face her. She gripped Lydia 's shoulders almost painfully tight. " Lydia, you have to calm down. It isn't healthy Please sit back down."

She considered her aunt's words for a moment. Her breath caught in her throat, and for a moment, Lydia felt as if she might faint. Zerelda picked up the chair while Kjell reached out to take hold of her hand.

"Here. Sit." His face was so full of loving compassion that Lydia continued to clutch his hand even after she returned to the chair.

The memory took hold. Though nothing more than a wisp of images, at that moment Lydia was transported hack to the night of the attack. She could see the man again-the raised gun. Then glancing to her side, she saw the cradle and Dalton. With a gasp and cry, she looked at Kjell, shaking her head.

"They took him. They took my baby, didn't they?"

The Constantine harbored overnight in Sitka Sound, much to Evie's dismay. When morning came and the launches were readied to carry the mail and passengers to Sitka, she and Dalton were the first in line.

"We will send your things over in the next launch," a man assured her.

Evie truly didn't care. She longed only to find Lydia. She stared across the harbor at the town and wondered how she would ever locate her stepmother. The town appeared larger than she'd expected. Would someone there know Lydia?

Dalton settled into her arms and went to sleep after a great deal of fussing. She knew he sensed her tension, and she wished she could calm herself. The best thing she could do for him was being done; aside from that, she had nothing to offer. For a moment, Evie dreaded finding Lydia. Dalton had been a comfort to her, and she had grown very fond of the boy When she had thought Lydia dead, Evie was perfectly happy to become the boy's mother. However, when she learned what her brother had done, something inside her changed. She knew she couldn't let things continue as they were… but oh, how she loved this little one. What if Lydia wanted her to leave and never return? Evie didn't know how she'd hear giving up the child altogether.

"The weather is perfect," someone was saying, but Evic didn't acknowledge the conversation. "What a beautiful day."

She sat in quiet contemplation, wondering what her future might hold. During her trip north, Evie had practiced what she would say to Lydia. If things went well, Lydia would know it wasn't Evic's fault that Dalton had been taken. Maybe she would even allow Evie to remain with her there in Sitka. Otherwise, Evic wasn't sure what she was going to do.