Mika Waltari - The Wanderer

He smiled a queer smile, stared before him with a twitching face, and went on, “Perhaps you know too that the Sultan’s square seal opens even the doors of the harem. There is nothing I cannot do as easily as if I were Suleiman himself. Do you understand what that means, Michael el-Hakim?”

I could only kneel before him, shake my head, and stammer, “No, no-I understand nothing-nothing!”

“You see how I pass the time in my solitude. I read-I tell the chaplet of words. On the golden shelves of my treasury stands the assembled wisdom of all lands and all ages. I read and let the words flow past my eyes. On lonely evenings I can hear the sages speak together-famous generals, great rulers, cunning architects, and inspired poets, besides all the holy men who in their way are as possessed and inspired as the poets. All this wisdom is at my disposal-but how can it profit me now? I am Ibrahim the fortunate. My eyes have been opened and I see through all human prejudice. All this wisdom-hear what I say, Michael-all this wisdom is but words beautifully strung together. Chosen with taste, no doubt, but words only-strings of words and nothing more. I, Ibrahim, alone of all men, have in my possession the personal seal of the Ruler of the World. And what do I do, Michael el-Hakim? You see me. In my lonely room I read words that have been beautifully strung together.”

He drew off the magnificent rings, irked by their looseness.

“He knows me and I know him. Twins could not divine one another’s thoughts more swiftly and completely. Last night when he fell sick he handed me his seal, thereby delivering himself and his power into my hands. Perhaps it was to show me his unshaken trust. But I know him no longer and cannot read his thoughts as I used to do. Then he was a mirror, but another has breathed upon that mirror and I cannot see what is in his mind. I can do nothing-I cannot save myself. His trust has stolen my strength and my will.”

Though he strove to master himself I saw his tremulous hands and twitching face, and as a physician I knew how sick must be his heart. I said soothingly, “Noble lord, the month of Ramadan has begun-a month as trying for rulers as for slaves. When the fast is over you will see all with other eyes and laugh at your hallucinations. You would do well to eat and drink your fill, visit your harem, and linger there until the new day of fasting and it is light enough to distinguish a black thread from a white. Experience had shown that pious vigil among the women of the harem has a soothing effect on the mind during Ramadan, and is prescribed by the Prophet himself.”

He looked at me from out of his despair. “How can I eat or drink when because of his sickness my lord must fast? He is not my lord, he is my heart’s brother, and I have never felt it so strongly as at the beginning of this Ramadan. My heart’s brother and my only true friend on earth. For years I forgot this, arrogantly enjoying his gifts and his infinite favor. While his cruel father Selim lived we rode side by side and the dark wings of death hovered over our heads. He trusted me then-he knew I was ready at any moment to die for him.

But now his trust is gone. Were it not so he would not have given me this seal. He did it only to convince himself. He is a singular man, Michael. But why speak of that? It is all too late. My clock loses more and more and I have nothing to do but read words that have been beautifully strung together. For my eyes are still alive-”

He could sit still no longer, but rose to pace back and forth restlessly, the sound of his steps muffled by the gorgeous Oriental rugs. He cried out in despair, “My clock is losing! It has been slow from the first hour. The clocks of Europe tick more quickly than the best clocks of the East. Whatever I dreamed, desired, hoped, and even achieved, I heard only the answer of my dragging clock-’Too late, too late.’ It was too late before Vienna. Too late in Bagdad, too late in Tabriz. Khaireddin came too late. Whatever I have done or decided-all has been too late.”

Blood was mounting to his head and his eyes were suffused with it as he stared at me. “Allah, what can one man do! What armies of prejudice have I not had to fight, every moment! Everything I have achieved, every law I have made, has been met with hatred and ridicule. Yet when at length all opposition was vanquished the answer was the same-’’Too late!’ Only yesterday in my foolish conceit I could fancy no greater bitterness than this. But now at the beginning of Ramadan, as I sit reading words, I no longer care to defy my destiny.”

His arms fell limply and his face, beautiful in its pallor, became calm and peaceful. An almost mischievous smile played over his lips as he said, “One of the Roman emperors sighed, when he was at the point of death, ‘What an actor the world loses in me!’ But I can hardly call myself even an actor. For the sake of our friendship I have so renounced myself that I hardly know when I’m acting and when I’m in earnest. Too much power turns a man into an actor-above all if that power is dependent on the will and favor of another, though that other be the most excellent man in the world. Yet I know that it is the same with him and perhaps even worse, for after all that has happened he will never be entirely sincere with anyone. He must choose every word and control every change of expression. Michael, Michael, he will suffer worse than I, and he will never know which is truth and which is falsehood in his own heart. And so I shudder for him, knowing how hideously alone he will be in the world. God, Allah, unknown tempter! Whoever You be, You cannot deny our friendship.”

He fell silent and listened, shocked, to the echo of his voice. Then he whispered, “No man can trust his neighbor. That is the only enduring truth; there is none other in the world.”

“Noble lord,” I said, “too great mistrust is as bad as overconfidence. Both are disastrous in their effects. We should in all things seek the golden mean.”

The Grand Vizier looked at me scornfully and asked, “Is that unpleasant woman seeking, through you, to lull me once more into a false sense of security before the blow falls? What do women know of friendship? Listen carefully, Michael-if there is on earth a devil in human shape it is that woman. But she has only a woman’s understanding; she judges the world by herself and therefore could never see why the Sultan gave me the seal and its sovereign powers. Take her this greeting from me, Michael. To her life’s end she will never succeed in cracking that nut, and nothing angers a woman more than the discovery that in the relationship between man and man there are things that women can never understand.”

He surveyed me proudly with his brilliant eyes and seemed to me at that moment as beautiful as a fallen angel. With a gesture that waved away my attempts at contradiction, he said, “Perhaps you know that last night I dined with the Sultan. The more poison is dropped into his ear the more eager is he to keep me by him, to watch my thoughts and scrutinize my face. I chose for him as is fitting the best fruit in the dish. He peeled and ate it, and a quarter of an hour had barely passed when he felt a burning in his stomach and fancied he was going to die on the spot. He thought I had poisoned him. Exhausted by the emetics of the physicians he nevertheless realized that he would live, and looking me straight in the eye he handed me his personal seal. In this way he thought to bind me to him and prevent me from doing him harm. No stranger could understand his action, but ever since our boyhood I have shared his meals, slept beneath the same roof, and been his closest friend, until that fatal woman induced him to shut his heart from me. You spoke of too great mistrust, and I have reproached myself for it. But when with the sweat of terror on my brow I saw him poisoned I knew that the Russian woman had bewitched the fruit in my hand to cast suspicion upon me. Roxelana is no fool. I ate of the fruit-I ordered the slaves to eat the rest. Neither I nor they sickened. Only in the fruit I chose for him was there poison. Can you imagine anything more devilish than that?”