John Passos - 1919

That summer Dick worked for Mr. Cooper at $25 a week getting up a prospectus for an art museum he wanted to found in Jersey City and delighted him so by dedicating to him a verse translation of Horace’s poem about Maecenas that he worked up with the help of the trot, that Mr. Cooper made him a present of a thousand dollars to take him through college; for the sake of form and so that Dick should feel his responsibilities he put it in the form of a note maturing in five years at four percent interest.

He spent his two weeks’ vacation with the Thurlows at Bay Head. He’d hardly been able to wait going down on the train to see how Hilda would be, but everything was different. Edwin didn’t have the paperwhite look he used to have; he’d had a call as assistant in a rich church on Long Island where the only thing that worried him was that part of the congregation was low and wouldn’t allow chanting or incense. He was comforting himself with the thought that they did allow candles on the altar. Hilda was changed too. Dick was worried to see that she and Edwin held hands during supper. When they got alone she told him that she and Edwin were very happy now and that she was going to have a baby and that bygones must be bygones. Dick stalked up and down and ran his hands through his hair and talked darkly about death and hellonearth and going to the devil as fast as he could but Hilda just laughed and told him not to be silly, that he was a goodlooking attractive boy and would find many nice girls crazy to fall in love with him. Before he left they had a long talk about religion and Dick told them with a bitter stare at Hilda, that he’d lost his faith and only believed in Pan and Bacchus, the old gods of lust and drink. Edwin was quite startled, but Hilda said it was all nonsense and only growing pains. After he’d left he wrote a very obscure poem full of classical references that he labelled, To a Common Prostitute and sent to Hilda, adding a postscript that he was dedicating his life to Beauty and Sin.

Dick had an exam to repeat in Geometry which he’d flunked in the spring and one in Advanced Latin that he was taking for extra credits, so he went up to Cambridge a week before college opened. He sent his trunk and suitcase out by the transfer company from the South Station and went out on the subway. He had on a new grey suit and a new grey felt hat and was afraid of losing the certified cheque he had in his pocket for deposit in the Cambridge bank. The glimpse of redbrick Boston and the state house with its gold dome beyond the slatecolored Charles as the train came out into the air to cross the bridge looked like the places in foreign countries he and Hilda had talked about going to. Kendall Square… Central Square… Harvard Square. The train didn’t go any further; he had to get out. Something about the sign on the turnstile Out To The College Yard sent a chill down his spine. He hadn’t been in Cambridge two hours before he discovered that his felt hat ought to have been brown and old instead of new and that getting a room in the Yard had been a grave mistake for a freshman.

Perhaps it was the result of living in the Yard that he got to know all the wrong people, a couple of socialist Jews in first year law, a graduate student from the middlewest who was taking his Ph.D. in Gothic, a Y.M.C.A. addict out from Dorchester who went to chapel every morning. He went out for Freshman rowing but didn’t make any of the crews and took to rowing by himself in a wherry three afternoons a week. The fellows he met down at the boathouse were pleasant enough to him, but most of them lived on the Gold Coast or in Beck and he never got much further than hello and solong with them. He went to all the football rallies and smokers and beer nights but he never could get there without one of his Jewish friends or a graduate student so he never met anybody there who was anybody.

One Sunday morning in the spring he ran into Freddy Wigglesworth in the Union just as they were both going in to breakfast; they say down at the same table. Freddy, and old Kent man, was a junior now. He asked Dick what he was doing and who he knew, and appeared horrified by what he heard. “My dear boy,” he said, “there’s nothing to do now but go out for the Monthly or the Advocate. … I don’t imagine the Crime would be much in your line, would it?”

“I was thinking of taking some of my stuff around, but I hardly had the nerve.”

“I wish you’d come around to see me last fall…. Goodness, we owe it to the old school to get you started right. Didn’t anybody tell you that nobody lived in the Yard except seniors?” Freddy shook his head sadly as he drank his coffee.

Afterwards they went around to Dick’s room and he read some poems out loud. “Why, I don’t think they’re so bad,” said Freddy Wigglesworth, between puffs at a cigarette. “Pretty purple I’d say, though…. You get a few of them typed and I’ll take them around to R.G…. Meet me at the Union at eight o’clock a week from Monday night and we’ll go around to Copey’s…. Well, so long, I must be going.” After he’d gone Dick walked up and down his room, his heart thumping hard. He wanted to talk to somebody, but he was sick of all the people he knew around Cambridge, so he sat down and wrote Hilda and Edwin a long letter with rhyming inserts about how well he was getting on at college.

Monday night finally came around. Already trying to tell himself not to be disappointed if Freddy Wigglesworth forgot about the date, Dick was on his way to the Union a full hour before the time. The cavernous clatter and smell of Mem, the funny stories of the boneheads at his table, and Mr. Kanrich’s sweaty bald head bobbing above the brass instruments of the band in the gallery seemed particularly dreary that evening.

There were tulips in the trim Cambridge gardens, and now and then a whiff of lilacs on the wind. Dick’s clothes irked him; his legs were heavy as he walked around and around the blocks of yellow frame houses and grass dooryards that he already knew too well. The blood pounding through his veins seemed too fast and too hot to stand. He must get out of Cambridge or go crazy. Of course at eight sharp when he walked slowly up the Union steps Wigglesworth hadn’t come yet. Dick went upstairs to the library and picked up a book, but he was too nervous to even read the title. He went downstairs again and stood around in the hall. A fellow who worked next to him in Physics 1 lab. came up and started to talk about something, but Dick could hardly drag out an answer. The fellow gave him a puzzled look and walked off. It was twenty past eight. Of course he wasn’t coming, God damn him, he’d been a fool to expect he’d come, a stuck up snob like Wigglesworth wouldn’t keep a date with a fellow like him.

Freddy Wigglesworth was standing in front of him, with his hands in his pockets. “Well, shall we Copify?” he was saying.

There was another fellow with him, a dreamy looking boy with fluffy light gold hair and very pale blue eyes. Dick couldn’t help staring at him he was so handsome. “This is Blake. He’s my younger brother…. You’re in the same class.” Blake Wigglesworth hardly looked at Dick when they shook hands, but his mouth twisted up into a lopsided smile. When they crossed the Yard in the early summer dusk fellows were leaning out the windows yelling “Rinehart O Rinehart” and grackles were making a racket in the elms, and you could hear the screech of streetcar wheels from Mass. Avenue; but there was a complete hush in the lowceiling room lit with candles where a scrubbylooking little man was reading aloud a story that turned out to be Kipling’s “The Man Who Would be King.” Everybody sat on the floor and was very intent. Dick decided he was going to be a writer.