Wu Ming - 54

‘Financed the Republicans , agent Brown. They weren’t all communists. There were fascists on the other side, did no one tell you?’

‘Mr Grant,’ Brown went on, ‘in an FBI report from 1944 you figure on a list of people linked in some way to communists.’

‘Mr Brown,’ Raymond intervened, ‘we consider it a matter of fact that, while it may have been expressed in more colourful terms, Mr Hoover did not look kindly upon Mr Grant’s activities as a representative of the British Crown. It is the firm conviction of MI6 that the Federal Bureau of Investigations deliberately exaggerated —’

‘Raymond,’ Brown exploded, ‘I don’t like being interrupted, ok? I didn’t interrupt your solemn blather, so just shut your mouth and let me finish! Your Mr Grant has been directly involved in the production of left-wing films, and last year he even went so far as to defend Charlie Chaplin!’

Cary rose from his armchair and took a few steps towards the federal agent.

‘Mr Brown, this is official. I’m throwing you out of my house. If you want me to add a kick in the pants, I will be delighted to oblige, and given that you’ve said you’re —’

‘Gentlemen, please!’ said Sir Lewis, while the two Englishmen got to their feet to separate the combatants.

‘So you’re going to kick my ass, are you? You just try it!’ roared Brown.

‘Thanks for the permission, but I think I’d rather knock a couple of teeth down your throat,’ replied Cary.

‘Gentlemen, some civil behaviour, for heaven’s sake! We are here to discuss a mission. ’

The two Englishmen finally managed to re-establish a semblance of calm.

Sir Lewis straightened his jacket, before solemnly announcing, ‘Mr Brown, Mr Grant’s assistance has been formally requested by the British government. MI6 has incontrovertible proof of Mr Grant’s democratic loyalty, and is willing to convey the relevant documentation to your agency so that Mr Grant need not be subjected to any awkward investigations, which would, during this phase, interfere with the interests of the United Kingdom and also of your government, which I shall inform about the present incident. I assume personal responsibility for the decision to remove you from this house, and I wish that to be specifically mentioned in your report. If Mr Hoover is not satisfied by such guarantees, he can always send an official protest to London.’

‘What do you think you’re doing? Cary Grant is no longer a British citizen, and —’

‘For God’s sake, will you just go before I lose patience? Get out!!!’ shrieked Sir Lewis, without parting his lips any further than he did when speaking normally, almost without moving his facial muscles. Cary was stunned, but not stunned enough to miss an opportunity to dismiss Brown in an appropriate fashion: ‘While you’re at it, tell Edgardina to stop circulating rumours about my alleged homosexuality: he’s a fine one to talk!’

Sir Lewis settled back down on the sofa, while Raymond walked the cursing Brown to the door.

‘Why is MI6 showing up with one of Hoover’s men?’ asked Cary.

‘As you yourself have pointed out, Mr Grant, J. Edgar Hoover has had it in for you ever since he first felt his jurisdiction being invaded by your intelligence activities, and by ours. Furthermore, you are friends with well-known liberals, and you have defended Mr Chaplin, who is perhaps the single individual most hated by the head of the FBI. As you have said, Mr Grant, Hoover is a squalid nuisance, and his bureau is more like the Gestapo than anything else I have ever seen. Even President Eisenhower holds him and his methods in profound contempt. Such things would be unimaginable in England.’

‘In fact, the gentlemen of the old school are exerting pressure and settling disputes in very subtle and graceful ways. Even down to using those “underage girls” of easy virtue. ’ said Cary with a wink.

Sir Lewis stopped for a second, and began again with some difficulty. ‘This is different, Mr Grant. Errol Flynn was effectively a Nazi sympathiser, and we discovered as much thanks to you. The way we confronted him may strike you as underhand and unpleasant, but Flynn was a traitor, as well as an idiot. On the other hand, many of the people blackmailed or ruined by Hoover have never sympathised with bolshevism. For four years, the FBI has unofficially supported Senator McCarthy, supplying him with documentation about the private lives of politicians and intellectuals. Except you can have too much of a good thing: McCarthy is not as popular as he was. Hoover doesn’t want to end up in the dirt with his old chum, he’s trying to distance himself from him, but at the same time he wants to demonstrate that American life really is infiltrated by reds. Once they learned that MI6 planned to contact you, the FBI intervened, presenting themselves as the agency best suited to putting your Americanism to the test. MI6 protested, but Hoover is very powerful.’

‘So now you’re going to have problems.’

Brown was heard cursing in the entrance hall, son-of-a-this and son-of-a-that.

‘Nothing we can’t handle,’ Sir Lewis replied. ‘In spite of everything, any set of scales you might wish to employ could tell you that the Commonwealth is weightier than Hoover.’

‘Well said.’

Raymond came back into the drawing room and went and stood by the mantelpiece, where Brown had been until a few moments before.

‘Let’s speak about us,’ said Sir Lewis. ‘Mr Grant, do you keep yourself informed about the world political situation?’

‘Er. if you’re referring to the fact that the Korean War is over, yes, I have heard about that. And I also know that Joe Stalin died last year,’ Cary replied sarcastically.

‘I hope I’m not abusing your patience. I fear that the preamble may go on for some time. I will try not to be too verbose, and leave you some documents in which you will be able to find anything that I have omitted. May I continue?’

‘I must admit that at last you are arousing my curiosity, Sir Lewis. Forget tea, can I interest you in something stronger?’ Cary reached out from his armchair and pulled the drinks trolley towards him. ‘Scotch? Brandy? A martini?’

Having served the two Englishmen and himself, Cary was all ears.

‘Yes, the Korean War is over, but the Cold War continues, and I can assure you that it has never been more intense. The West risks losing strategic territory, the Soviets are very aggressive, and they are waging obstructionist battles in every area of diplomatic confrontation. The unfortunate execution of the Rosenbergs, here in America, less than six years ago, has given an increasingly bitter tone to communications and led to reciprocal accusations. Furthermore, you will be aware that the Soviet Union has had the H-bomb for two years. A global balance of terror has established itself, and there are at least four crucial, thorny questions on the table, upon whose diplomatic solution the fate of the whole planet depends. Does that sound too high-flown?’

‘Well, who isn’t afraid of the atom bomb?’ replied Cary.

‘Indeed. And unfortunately, even in the country of which you have become a citizen, there are people who are threatening to use it at the drop of a hat. The Berlin Conference has been under way for a week, involving the United States, the United Kingdom, the Soviet Union and France. On the agenda are the war in Indochina, the partition of Korea and the rearmament of the German Federal Republic. Let’s leave Korea out of the picture, because we might say that the fever there is subsiding. The most explosive situation is in Indochina, where the French colonial army has been placed in serious difficulties by Ho Chi Minh’s communists. As far as the German problem is concerned, the Federal Republic is sure to amend its constitution to allow the reorganisation of a national army, and become a NATO member by the end of the year. You can imagine the repercussions in the Kremlin.’