John Bangs - A Proposal Under Difficulties - A Farce

Barlow. What say?

Yardsley. I – ah – oh, I was merely remarking that I thought it was rather pleasant out to-day.

Barlow. Yes, almost too fine to be shut up in-doors. Why aren't you driving, or – or playing golf, or – ah – or being out-doors somewhere? You need exercise, old man; you look a little pale. ( Aside. ) I must get him away from here somehow. Deuced awkward having another fellow about when you mean to propose to a woman.

Yardsley. Oh, I'm well enough!

Barlow ( solicitously ). You don't look it – by Jove, you don't. ( Suddenly inspired. ) No, you don't, Bob. You overestimate your strength. It's very wrong to overestimate one's strength. People – ah – people have died of it. Why, I'll bet you a hat you can't start now and walk up to Central Park and back in an hour. Come. I'll time you. ( Rises and takes out watch. ) It is now four-ten. I'll wager you can't get back here before five-thirty. Eh? Let me get your hat.

[Starts for door.

Yardsley ( with a laugh ). Oh no; I don't bet – after four. But I say, did you see Billie Wilkins?

Barlow ( returning in despair ). Nope.

Yardsley ( aside ). Now for a bit of strategy. ( Aloud. ) He was looking for you at the club. ( Aside. ) Splendid lie! ( Aloud. ) Had seats for the – ah – the Metropolitan to-night. Said he was looking for you. Wants you to go with him. ( Aside. ) That ought to start him along.

Barlow. I'll go with him.

Yardsley ( eagerly ). Well, you'd better let him know at once, then. Better run around there and catch him while there's time. He said if he didn't see you before half-past four he'd get Tom Parker to go. Fine show to-night. Wouldn't lose the opportunity if I were you. ( Looking at his watch. ) You'll just about have time to do it now if you start at once.

[ Grasps Barlow by arm, and tries to force him out . Barlow holds back, and is about to remonstrate, when Dorothy enters. Both men rush to greet her ; Yardsley catches her left hand , Barlow her right .

Dorothy ( slightly embarrassed ). Why, how do you do – this is an unexpected pleasure – both of you? Excuse my left hand, Mr. Yardsley; I should have given you the other if – if you'd given me time.

Yardsley. Don't mention it, I pray. The unexpectedness is wholly mine, Miss Andrews – I mean – ah – the pleasure is —

Barlow. Wholly mine.

Dorothy ( withdrawing her hands from both and sitting down ). I haven't seen either of you since the Perkinses' dance. Wasn't it a charming affair?

Yardsley. Delightful I – ah – I didn't know that the Perkinses —

Barlow ( interrupting ). It was a good deal of a crush, though. As Mrs. Van Darling said to me, "You always meet – "

Yardsley. It's a pity Perkins isn't more of a society man, though, don't you think?

Dorothy. Oh, I don't know. I've always found him very pleasant. He is so sincere.

Barlow. Isn't he, though? He looked bored to death all through the dance.

Yardsley. I thought so too. I was watching him while you were talking to him, Barlow, and such a look of ennui I never saw on a man's face.

Barlow. Humph!

Dorothy. Are you going to Mrs. Van Darling's dinner?

Barlow. Yes; I received my bid last night. You?

Dorothy. Oh yes!

Yardsley ( gloomily ). I can't go very well. I'm – ah – engaged for Tuesday.

Barlow. Well, I hope you've let Mrs. Van Darling know. She's a stickler for promptness in accepting or declining her invitations. If you haven't, I'll tell her for you. I'm to see her to-night.

Yardsley. Oh no! Never mind. I'll – I'll attend to it.

Barlow. Oh, of course. But it's just as well she should know in advance. You might forget it, you know. I'll tell her; it's no trouble to me.

Dorothy. Of course not, and she can get some one to take your place.

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