Henry Fielding - The Works of Henry Fielding, vol. 12

Luck . 'Sdeath, sir! do you beat me down at this rate?

Book . No, nor fifty farthings. Fifty guineas! Indeed your name is well worth that.

Luck . Jack, take this worthy gentleman and kick him down stairs.

Book . Sir, I shall make you repent this.

Jack . Come, sir, will you please to brush?

Book . Help! murder! I'll have the law of you, sir.

Luck . Ha, ha, ha!

Money . What noise is this? It is a very fine thing, truly, Mr Luckless, that you will make these uproars in my house.

Luck . If you dislike it, it is in your power to drown a much greater. Do you but speak, madam, and I am sure no one will be heard but yourself.

Money . Very well, indeed! fine reflexions on my character! Sir, sir, all the neighbours know that I have been as quiet a woman as ever lived in the parish. I had no noises in my house till you came. We were the family of love. But you have been a nusance to the whole neighbourhood. While you had money, my doors were thundered at every morning at four and five, by coachmen and chairmen; and since you have had none, my house has been besieged all day by creditors and bailiffs. Then there's the rascal your man; but I will pay the dog, I will scour him. Sir, I am glad you are a witness of his abuses of me.

Wit . I am indeed, madam, a witness how unjustly he has abused you. [JACK whispers LUCKLESS.

Luck . Witmore, excuse me a moment.

Money . Yes, sir; and, sir, a man that has never shewn one the colour of his money.

Wit . Very hard, truly. How much may he be in your debt, pray? Because he has ordered me to pay you.

Money . Ay! sir, I wish he had.

Wit . I am serious, I assure you.

Money . I am very glad to hear it, sir. Here is the bill as we settled it this very morning. I always thought, indeed, Mr Luckless had a great deal of honesty in his principles: any man may be unfortunate; but I knew when he had money I should have it; and what signifies dunning a man when he hath it not? Now that is a way with some people which I could never come in to.

Wit . There, madam, is your money. You may give Mr Luckless the receipt.

Money . Sir, I give you both a great many thanks. I am sure it is almost as charitable as if you gave it me; for I am to make up a sum to-morrow morning. Well, if Mr Luckless was but a little soberer I should like him for a lodger exceedingly: for I must say, I think him a very pleasant good-humoured man.

Luck . Those are words I never heard out of that mouth before.

Money . Ha, ha, ha! you are pleased to be merry: ha, ha!

Luck . Why, Witmore, thou hast the faculty opposite to that of a witch, and canst lay a tempest. I should as soon have imagined one man could have stopt a cannon-ball in its full force as her tongue.

Money . Ha, ha, ha! he is the best company in the world, sir, and so full of his similitudes!

Wit . Luckless, good morrow; I shall see you soon again.

Luck . Let it be soon, I beseech you; for thou hast brought a calm into this house that was scarce ever in it before.

Money . Well, Mr Luckless, you are a comical man, to give one such a character to a stranger.

Luck . The company is gone, madam; and now, like true man and wife, we may fall to abusing one another as fast as we please.

Money . Abuse me as you please, so you pay me, sir.

Luck . 'Sdeath! madam, I will pay you.

Money . Nay, sir, I do not ask it before it is due. I don't question your payment at all: if you was to stay in my house this quarter of a year, as I hope you will, I should not ask you for a farthing.

Luck . Toll, loll, loll. – But I shall have her begin with her passion immediately; and I had rather be the object of her rage for a year than of her love for half an hour.

Money . But why did you choose to surprise me with my money? Why did you not tell me you would pay me?

Luck . Why, have I not told you?

Money . Yes, you told me of a play, and stuff: but you never told me you would order a gentleman to pay me. A sweet, pretty, good-humoured gentleman he is, heaven bless him! Well, you have comical ways with you: but you have honesty at the bottom, and I'm sure the gentleman himself will own I gave you that character.

Luck . Oh! I smell you now. – You see, madam, I am better than my word to you: did he pay it you in gold or silver?

Money . All pure gold.

Luck . I have a vast deal of silver, which he brought me, within; will you do me the favour of taking it in silver? that will be of use to you in the shop too.

Money . Anything to oblige you, sir.

Luck . Jack, bring out the great bag, number one. Please to tell the money, madam, on that table.

Money . It's easily told: heaven knows there's not so much on't.

Jack . Sir, the bag is so heavy, I cannot bring it in.

Luck . Why, then, come and help to thrust a heavier bag out.

Money . What do you mean?

Luck . Only to pay you in my bed-chamber.

Money . Villain, dog, I'll swear a robbery, and have you hanged: rogues, villains!

Luck . Be as noisy as you please – [ Shuts the door .] Jack, call a coach; and, d' ye hear? get up behind it and attend me.

Luck . [ Reads .]

Mar. sen . Augh! will you please to read that again, sir?

Luck . "Then hence my sorrow, hence my ev'ry fear."

Mar. sen . "Then hence my sorrow." – Horror is a much better word. – And then in the second line – "No matter where, so we are bless'd together." – Undoubtedly, it should be, "No matter where, so somewhere we're together." Where is the question, somewhere is the answer. – Read on, sir.

Luck . "With thee, – "

Mar. sen . No, no, I could alter those lines to a much better idea.

Luck . Green as Covent-garden!

Mar. jun . Yes, yes; Covent-garden market, where they sell greens.

Luck . Monstrous!

Mar. sen . Pray, sir, read on.

Luck .

Mar. jun . Here's meat, drink, singing, and lodging, egad.

Luck . He answers.

Mar. jun . But, sir —

Luck .