Sharon Creech - Absolutely Normal Chaos

Well, we were having a great time. I thought I was in a magical place. But all of a sudden, Lee Bob yells “Snapper!” and everybody starts flailing around trying to get to shore. I didn’t know what was going on. They were all yelling at me to get out and hurry up and, boy oh boy, I scrambled out so fast.

They were all pointing over to one side. “What is it?” I kept saying.

“Snapper! Snapper!”

“What’s a snapper?”

They all looked at me like I was an imbecile.

“Snapping turtle, dummy,” Lee Bob said.

“You mean there’s a snapping turtle in there ?” I said.

“Couple of ’em. You gotta watch it or they’ll get your toes.”

After a while, everybody went back in the water. Everybody but me. I’d had enough swimming for one day.

I was suddenly reminded of Mr. Furtz. Swimming in that hole all happy and everything and then hearing “Snapper!” reminded me of how we were going along all cheery as clams when the phone rang that day and we found out Mr. Furtz was dead. Snapper ! It makes you a little afraid to get back in the water. Is that a metaphor?

I’m the same age as Sally Lynn, but the funny thing is that even though I’m from The City, she and Sue Ann seem a lot older than I am. They’re always talking about boys, and you can tell from the way they talk that they’ve been going out with boys for a long time. Sue Ann said that three of her best friends, who are the same age as she is, are engaged to be married!!!! Imagine!!! And Sue Ann’s best friend, who is sixteen years old, is pregnant! And no one seems to mind! Some things seem a little advanced here in West Virginia. What’s the hurry ??? My mother would have a fit.

Sue Ann and Sally Lynn kept asking me about Alex, but I kept trying to change the subject, because I knew they would want to know what-all we did (in the way of messing around) and I was pretty sure they’d think that what Alex and I did was pretty babyish. I mean, if they knew that we hadn’t even kissed , they would laugh themselves silly. Maybe Alex will kiss me when I get back. I ought to practice.

I’ve been “settin’” on the porch reading the Odyssey. Odysseus finally reaches Ithaca (his home), and instead of going right to his house (as I would have) he goes to an old shepherd’s hut, disguised as a beggar.

Telemachus (his son) comes along, and at first Odysseus goes on pretending he is a beggar, but then finally he lets his son know who he is. That’s a nice part, because they both start crying and all. I liked Odysseus better then, because I was beginning to wonder if he had any feelings. It was beginning to seem like all he did was sack cities and poke out the eyes of monsters and go on and on about how clever he was.

Aunt Radene said she was feeling “a mite better,” but she didn’t look well at all. Her eyes were all puffy and even her freckles were pale.

Do you know what she asked me? (Of course you don’t.) She said that Carl Ray told her all about the money he received at Mr. Biggers’s office and about the college education. “Any idea who that was from?” she asked.

“Nope,” I said.

“Well,” she said, “I’m gonna ask you something strange, and if’n you’d rather not do what I’m gonna ask you, you just tell me straight on out and I’ll abide by that. But if’n you’ll do what I ask, I’d be beholden, Mary Lou Finney.”

I love the way she talks. And I think I understood what she said.

So she went on, “Now, Carl Ray has told me about gettin’ this money and a education from some stranger, like I said, and I know you know about that already.”

I was nodding.

“So what I want to ask you is this: I want to ask you not to tell Uncle Carl Joe or any of the kids about Carl Ray gettin’ this money and all. Would you do that for me?”

I said, “Sure, Aunt Radene. I won’t tell if you don’t want me to.”

She patted my hand.

“But,” I said, “could you tell me why you don’t want me to tell?”

She chewed on her lip awhile and then said, “Well, now, that’s a fair question. It sure is.” She chewed on her lip some more. I have a feeling she didn’t want to tell me.

Finally, she said, “There’s just some things that ain’t nobody’s business, at least not yet, and the way I figure it is this: Carl Ray’s been lucky and he’s had some good fortune, but if the rest of ’em hear about some stranger givin’ him money and all, then they’re gonna want to troop on up to The City too. And Mary Lou, I don’t want ’em to go. Not yet. I don’t want ’em to go, ’cause I might not get ’em back.”

Well, it sounded reasonable to me, so I agreed.

But I do wonder why she doesn’t even want to tell Uncle Carl Joe. You’d think that Carl Ray’s own father ought to at least know about it. Maybe he would have an idea who gave Carl Ray the money. Maybe it’s some old army buddy of his or something. Maybe it’s some long-lost maiden aunt of Uncle Carl Joe’s who is about a hundred years old.

So I’m going to keep the secret, but there’s something funny about all this, don’t you think?

Boy, am I homesick!! I sure wish I could call home.

Arghhh. Arvie Joe has been telling ghost stories out on the porch. He claims that every single one of them is true, and all the ghosts come from the graveyard in the front yard.

The worst one was about this young boy who got his head chopped off in some freak accident at a meat factory and how his body is always roaming around the yard looking for his head, and how his head is always somewhere around moaning and calling for his body. Oh, the noises Arvie Joe can make! He imitates the head calling for the body: “Ohhhhhh, bod-eeeee, where are youuuu?” He makes the head sound real sorrowful and gruesome, just the way a head might sound, I guess, if it was looking for its body. Anyway, right near the end of this story, Arvie Joe jumps up all of a sudden and gets this god-awful look on his face, and his mouth hangs open and he starts backing away from us and pointing out into the yard, and we all look out there and Arvie Joe says, “There it is. The head ! There it is!” And we all look, but we can’t see anything, it’s so pitch black out there, and then Arvie Joe starts screaming and saying, “It’s coming , watch out, it’s coming !” and we all run into the house, screaming and shaking.

Uncle Carl Joe was sitting there in his chair, chewing his tobacco, when we all came running in. “Arvie Joe!” he said. “Quit scarin’ ’em, or I’ll tan you one.” But everybody was peering out the window and telling Uncle Carl Joe that the head was coming, and all of a sudden Uncle Carl Joe made these awful noises, just like Carl Ray did that day he chased me and Dennis and Dougie and Tommy at Windy Rock, and then he started chasing us around, and then Arvie Joe and Carl Ray joined in.

Boy, I mean to tell you I was scared about to death, with these three guys growling and chasing us, and the whole time I kept looking around for the head of that boy because I thought it might be chasing us too.

Boy, this is one strange family.

But you know what? It was the first time I’ve seen Uncle Carl Joe and Carl Ray doing something together and having fun. Afterward I saw the two of them walk down toward the graveyard together. I think they were actually talking .

And I’ll tell you one thing: I am not going to the outhouse at night anymore, flashlight or no flashlight. I’ll just have to wait until everyone’s asleep and use the pot that’s under the bed. Oh, Alpha and Omega, when will I be able to go home???