Rona Jaffe - Mazes and Monsters

“I really don’t want to go in those caverns tonight,” Kate told Daniel. “Last night is still too close.”

“But this time you have two people who know the caverns,” Daniel said.

She forced herself to go in there and the game quickly took over, as she had hoped it would, and then everything was all right. After the game, when they all went back to the dorm, Kate brought her pillow into Daniel’s room, where she was going to spend the night. They hadn’t had to discuss it; they both simply knew that they were going to be together as much as possible. When Jay Jay saw her going into Daniel’s room with the pillow, in her bathrobe, Kate thought she caught him looking sad. He’s jealous, she thought. Poor Jay Jay.

She was relieved that Robbie didn’t seem jealous at all. He didn’t even seem to notice. And anyway, they were good friends now, nothing more.

The next day Kate and Daniel went to the shopping mall after classes and bought a king-size mattress and sheets and a blanket, all of which they brought back to the dorm. The purchase would leave both of them broke for months, but it was worth it. They were dragging the mattress up the stairs when Robbie appeared. Kate had a feeling of déjà vu about that mattress number.

“Oh, let me help you,” Robbie said pleasantly.

He not only helped them with the mattress, but he helped them drag Kate’s bed into Daniel’s room and put the two beds together with the king-size mattress on top. They had to take the desk out and put it into Kate’s room.

“This looks really decadent,” Daniel said, surveying their huge bed with pleasure.

“Perfectly suitable for a future captain of industry,” Kate said. They both laughed.

“Captain of industry?” Robbie said. “I don’t understand.”

“I changed my mind about being a dilettante,” Daniel said.

“Oh,” Robbie said. Then he smiled and raised his hand in a benediction. “Bless you, my children,” he said.

A long time afterward Daniel would look back and think that he should have noticed what was happening, should have anticipated it — he who was so bright, observant, and logical. But he had been in love, and the amazement and joy of this unexpected miracle was the focus of his attention. Besides, perhaps logic had been his downfall. To have been able to anticipate something so mad and strange took a mind that was open to anything.

But it was now; the end of winter, the beginning of love. Kate was everything he had ever wanted. He knew that things between them would keep getting better and better. They planned for her to come home to Brookline with him for the Spring Break. He had told his parents he was bringing a girl who was important to him and they were pleased. His mother said she would have a good excuse to fix up the guest room, a chore she had been putting off. Daniel felt too sanguine to argue with her about sleeping quarters, although he knew that Kate’s mother, from what Kate had told him, would probably have let them stay in the same room.

He hoped Kate wasn’t jealous about all the girls who had been before her. She saw them everywhere; in the dorm, on the campus, at classes. And that was just some of them! None of them had been in this new bed with him though — this was for the two of them and their new life. Those girls had only been physical attraction. He would have had more cause to be jealous — if he were a jealous person — of guys Kate had actually loved. He wanted her to love him more than she had ever loved them, and she assured him she did.

He didn’t want to rush things, but at the back of his mind was the idea that if their relationship kept getting better, after they graduated they would live together, and then they might get married. Why not? He wanted to marry, and have children, and he knew he would be perfectly happy to spend the rest of his life with Kate. He couldn’t say anything to her though, because ambitious women panicked if they thought you were trying to tie them down or interfere with their lives. He would have to live where the best job was, and maybe Kate would want to go to New York and get a job in publishing. She worried so much about her writer’s block that if she couldn’t write that novel she was dreaming of, then she would want to go to work in a field where she could learn more about writing. Daniel wondered if the best job offer for him would come from a firm in New York, and then everything would be solved. There was no point in worrying this far in advance. He was astonished at how much he had changed already — he who never wanted to plan for the future was now filled with plans.

She told him one night about the man in the laundry room who had tried to rape her, and Daniel wished he could kill him.

“Why didn’t you tell the school authorities?” he said angrily. “You should have demanded they hire a security guard.”

“Ha,” Kate said. “Somebody has to get raped or killed first, and then all the future victims have to make a petition … guards cost money, you know. People don’t care about other people in this world. You have to take care of yourself.”

He had never heard her sound so bitter. He held her. “I’ll take care of you.”

“I know,” she said. “But I hardly knew you then.”

“I wish I could do something to make it never have happened.”

“It helped a lot that I was able to tell you,” she said. “I never could tell anyone before — at least, no one who mattered to me — and I had to pretend I didn’t care. It was the only way I could handle it. I do feel better now, really.”

He and Kate talked about going to Europe for the summer. They could figure out a really cheap way to go, and maybe their parents would give them the money. Or maybe they could go to San Francisco, stay at Kate’s house, get jobs, and earn enough to go for the last three weeks.

“My father’s going to have an expensive new baby by then,” Kate said. “He might say he can’t afford to send me to Europe, or, on the other hand, he might feel guilty enough to say yes.”

“It would be nice if we could go in June, after my brother’s wedding.”

“But whatever we do,” Kate said, “you and I will do it together, and it will be fun.”

She wrote a poem for him. “It’s kind of dumb,” she said, embarrassed. He didn’t think it was dumb at all. He thought it was marvelous and he kept it in his wallet.

With his life so full now, a life that had been almost too full before with all the things they continued to do, how could he have noticed anything? Even Kate, wary as a rabbit, didn’t notice anything either.

Jay Jay knew that the Kate-Daniel romance was for real, and it made him feel alone again. He couldn’t even fantasize that Kate was giving each one of them a chance and his would be next. He hated being so young. He never wanted the girls who wanted him; they were always little kids. It was March. The grim hateful weather had started to grow softer, but he knew it was tricky. Tomorrow it might snow. April was when everything got better and you knew there was some hope you would see spring again. The Spring Break started the first week in April, and Jay Jay thought that to cheer himself up he might as well give an April Fools’ Day party, to end the Winter Semester properly and send everyone off on their way with a nice hangover.

He made a list of everyone he liked or wanted to know better. The four of them, of course; Perry and his medical friends, Glenna, Tina, the twins … he would invite all of Daniel’s former girl friends just to stir up a little mischief. He had saved his old party lists so he wouldn’t forget anybody. Everyone who was invited could bring friends, so it ought to be big and noisy, just the way he liked parties to be. It would be a normal party — no tricks or gimmicks. He had used up all his tricks on the game. The only thing he did to make the occasion special was teach Merlin to say “April fool,” a whimsical little touch, Jay Jay thought. He would start the party in the afternoon. If it was like all his others it would last far into the night.