Фэнни Флэгг - The Wonder Boy of Whistle Stop

For Miss Ruthie

Bee happy

Love, Aunt Idgie

But a few years later, Ruthie removed the photo of herself and Mickey Mouse that she had stuck on her vanity mirror, and replaced it with a picture of her current boy crush. And soon that magical two-week visit to Florida became just a vague memory of a happy time.

UNIVERSITY OF VIRGINIA

October 1984

MITZI GRAHAM, A cute, plump young woman in a khaki skirt, was sitting downstairs with her legs draped over the arm of a chair, smoking a Kent cigarette and complaining to her sorority sisters about her new roommate. “It’s just my luck to get Ruthie Threadgoode, the prettiest girl on campus, for a roommate. And it’s not fair. I swear, if I had her legs and my boobs, I could rule the world.”

She took another puff. “And then there are those ridiculously long eyelashes of hers and that skin to die for. Honestly, I have to spend at least a half hour getting made up and fixing my hair before I can show my face, and she just jumps up out of bed, brushes her teeth, throws on any old thing, and heads on out the door looking like she stepped out of a fashion magazine.” Another puff. “And the worst part is, as much as I want to hate her, she’s so damn nice, I can’t even do that. I don’t think she even knows how good-looking she is. When we’re walking to class I see all the boys staring at her, and she never seems to notice.”

It was true. Over the years, Ruthie Threadgoode had grown into quite a beauty. She had always received a lot of male attention, but by her sophomore year of college, she had begun to turn down more dates than she accepted. The boys were either too aggressive, too dull, or too something that did not appeal to her. She realized it was going to be hard and maybe even impossible for her to find someone who would be as interesting and as fun as her daddy. And so far, the boys she had been even slightly interested in had not met her standards for the kind of man she would want as a husband. So she’d made up her mind to stop wasting her time and concentrate on pursuing a career. She was interested in interior design and had landed a summer job working at Southern Living magazine, and this coming year had another one lined up at Better Homes and Gardens. But all those plans were made before she met Brooks Lee Caldwell.

—

ONE SATURDAY MORNING, Ruthie had her towel and soap and was walking down the hall to the bathroom to take her shower. Mitzi was trailing close behind, pleading with her. “You just have to go, Ruthie. For my sake. Please? My brother said if you would go out with Brooks, he would fix me up with Tubbs Newsome. They’re frat brothers.”

Ruthie made a little face. “Oh, honey, you know the boys at that house are not really my cup of tea.”

“Why not? It’s the best house on campus.”

“Oh, I don’t know, they just seem a little stuck-up and full of themselves to me.”

Mitzi followed her into the bathroom. “Some of them are, but not Brooks. My mother knows his mother. He’s real sweet. Just one little date? Please, Ruthie. I think Tubbs is the cutest thing. If I miss my one chance to go out with him, I just might eat six dozen donuts and kill myself. Then you’ll be sorry.”

Ruthie laughed. “Well, all right then, one date. Just for you.”

“Oh, Ruthie, thank you, thank you, thank you,” Mitzi said.

“You’re welcome. Now may I take my shower?”

—

BROOKS LEE CALDWELL, a junior majoring in business administration, had seen Ruthie only once. She’d been sprinting across campus, late for a class. As she ran by, Brooks punched his friend. “Who is that ?”

“That’s Ruthie Threadgoode.”

“You know her?”

“Yeah, I’ve met her. She’s my sister’s roommate. She’s from Maryland, I think. Why?”

“Why? I think I’m in love, that’s why. Can you get me a date?”

“Oh, I might, if you could see fit to loan me your car next weekend. Me and Alice are going to sneak off to her folks’ apartment in Washington.”

“Listen,” Brooks said, “if you can get me a date with her, I’ll give you the car for a month. How come I never saw her before?”

“Because you always have your nose in some economics book. See what you’ve been missing?”

The following weekend, Ruthie and Brooks had a double date with Mitzi and Tubbs. When Brooks arrived to pick her up that night, he was pretty much what Ruthie had expected. He had the same look that all the preppy guys on campus had: slicked-back straight hair, clean white button-down shirt, loafers with no socks. He was definitely not her type, but there was no denying that he was good-looking.

All through dinner, for Mitzi’s sake, Ruthie had tried to be most attentive and charming, but Brooks saw her glance down at her watch a few times. At the end of the evening, when Brooks walked her up to the door, he said, “Listen, Ruthie, I know this was a blackmail date, and I probably won’t ever see you again. But may I at least hug you goodbye?”

Ruthie was a little thrown by the request. A hug was not the usual thing boys wanted at the end of the evening, but his arms were already around her, and before she knew it she felt herself melt into his body. And to her surprise, she couldn’t tell where she ended and he began. It was a perfect fit. Like finding the right piece of the puzzle. His hug was not too rough or too weak. It was just right. She suddenly felt like Goldilocks. And he smelled so good, too.

After he let go and said good night and began walking back to his car, Ruthie heard herself say, “Um, Brooks?”

“Yes?” he said.

“Ah…could we do this again, sometime?”

Brooks looked at her and, with a sigh of sheer relief, wiped his brow and said, “Whew…Thank God. I was walking as slowly as I could. Tomorrow night?”

She nodded.

He cocked his head. “Promise me you won’t get married before then?”

“I promise.”

Ruthie watched as Brooks ran to his car. When he got there, he turned around and waved at her and then bowed from the waist. At that moment, Ruthie thought to herself, “Oh no. The boy has a sense of humor to match his good looks.” She knew then she was either in terrible trouble, or on the verge of something wonderful.

FAIRHOPE, ALABAMA

1985

Special Newsflash: Peggy Threadgoode just called to tell us that their daughter Ruthie is almost twenty-one years old and is now engaged to an Atlanta boy, Mr. Brooks Lee Caldwell, and they will be married in the spring. Congratulations to all! How do the names “Grandmother” and “Granddaddy” sound? Get ready, it will happen before you know it.

Speaking of that, is it just me, or are all of you taking more pills than you used to? This morning I looked at all the bottles of pills that Wilbur and I are taking every day: high blood pressure, heart pills, blood thinners, diuretics, calcium, fiber, cholesterol pills, laxative pills, you name it, we take it.

I hate to admit it, but I guess I must be getting old. Did you know that squirrels can remember where they’ve hidden over 10,000 nuts, and half the time I can’t find my one pair of reading glasses. Never thought a squirrel was smarter than I am, but a fact is a fact, folks!

Your faithful scribe,

Dot

P.S. Just read where they think there might be life on Mars. I find it amusing that people are so curious about life on other planets, when so many don’t even know their own neighbors!

ATLANTA, GEORGIA

November 9, 1985

RUTHIE THREADGOODE HAD waited so long to turn twenty-one. She had dreamed about this day for years. She had visualized herself as being calm, cool, sure of herself, a woman of the world. But when her twenty-first birthday finally arrived, she was feeling a little bit insecure.