Фэнни Флэгг - The Wonder Boy of Whistle Stop

“Did she?”

“Oh yes. And she nearly went to jail over it, too.”

“Really?”

“It all started when this guy named Arvel Ligget from Pell City kept coming over to Whistle Stop and pestering all the women in town, leering at young girls, things like that. A real bad guy. Anyhow, he was always coming into the cafe and hanging around, but one day, when he was sitting at the counter, he started making lewd remarks to my mother. And before he knew it, Aunt Idgie had come around the counter, grabbed him by the collar, and thrown him out the door, and told him to never come back.”

“For real?”

“Oh yeah, so after she threw him out like that, Arvel got real mad. He’d seen Aunt Idgie’s big white cat coming in and out of the cafe, and he told somebody that the first chance he got, he was going to go back over there and kill it, to get even with her. And oh boy, when Aunt Idgie heard what he’d threatened to do, she jumped in her car and drove over to Pell City and found him in the pool hall. She went in and told him that if he ever came within twenty-five feet of the cafe or her cat, she’d shoot him.”

“Wow…did he ever come back?”

“Oh yeah, he came back all right.”

“What happened?”

“Well, I was pretty young at the time, but I remember that night very well. And when that shotgun blast went off, it sure scared the hell out of me, I’ll tell you that.”

1933

A LOT OF guys at the pool hall over in Pell City had heard Idgie yelling at Arvel that day, which had made him even madder. He wasn’t going to get scared off or ordered around by some damn female. That cat was as good as dead.

A few weeks later, it was around three A.M. when Arvel, carrying a baseball bat and a knife, came sneaking up to the back of the cafe. He walked very slowly past the garden and the chicken coop. And as he got closer to the back of the cafe, he could see Idgie’s big white cat in the moonlight, sleeping on the top steps. As he crept quietly closer and closer, he began to whisper ever so softly, “Here, Kitty, Kitty.”

The moment Idgie heard her chickens clucking, she sat up in bed. After she heard them again, she got up and went to the window. She pulled back a corner of the curtain just in time to see Arvel Ligget creeping toward the cafe. She then quietly tiptoed over to the loaded twenty-gauge shotgun she kept by the door, and picked it up. She waited until she figured he was twenty-five feet away, give or take a foot or two, then she kicked open the back door and yelled, “Run for your life, you Son of a Bitch!” She counted to three and then pulled the trigger. After the sudden loud blast, Ruth sat straight up in bed and screamed, Buddy started crying, and all the dogs in town started barking. Soon, all hell broke loose. Lights went on in every house, and people started running out into their yards in their nightclothes, wondering what had happened.

A few hours later, just as the sun was coming up, Sheriff Grady Kilgore drove up to the back of the cafe, where Idgie and Ruth were waiting. Idgie was now out of her nightshirt, fully dressed, expecting to be arrested and go to jail. Buddy was scared and holding on to her, and Ruth was in tears.

When Grady walked in, Idgie looked at him.

“Well…did I kill him?”

Grady sat down at the table and pushed his hat back on his head. “Naw…you didn’t kill him.”

“Oh, thank heavens,” said a relieved Ruth.

“But he’s still over at the hospital. The last time I saw him they were still picking a load of buckshot out of him. What in the hell were you aiming at, Idgie?”

“His backside, why?”

“Well, he must have turned around, because that’s sure as hell not where you hit him.”

“Where did I hit him?”

Grady laughed. “Let’s put it this way, I don’t think he’ll be fooling around with any more ladies for a while. Maybe never, the way he’s carrying on. Give me a cup of that coffee, will you, Ruth? A little cream no sugar.”

“Is he gonna press charges against me?” asked Idgie.

“Oh, he was, but I explained it would be best if he didn’t.”

Ruth poured his coffee and handed it to him.

“Thanks, Ruth. I think I convinced him that it might be better for him if he just went on back to Pell City and to not be comin’ over here anymore. I told him I couldn’t guarantee his safety if he did.”

“What did he say?”

“He said you were a crazy woman that should be locked up for the good of the community.”

“What did you say?”

“I agreed.”

Just then the white cat with one eye walked in, jumped up on the table, and started trying to drink Grady’s coffee. Grady quickly grabbed his cup away, looked at the cat, and said, “I tell you what, you sure are one lucky cat. Because if Ligget had caught you last night, you would have been one dead cat today.” Grady took a last sip of coffee and stood up. “Well, I gotta go fill out my report…accidental shooting.”

A much-relieved Ruth said, “Thank you, Grady.”

“You’re welcome.”

He went to the door and then turned around and said, “Idgie, do me a favor, will you?”

“Of course, Grady, anything.”

“If you ever go to shoot me, give me fair warning first, so I can turn around, okay?”

—

SHERIFF GRADY KILGORE had known Idgie since they were kids, and he’d seen her almost every day of his life. After he was grown, he’d eaten at the cafe more often than home, which suited Gladys Kilgore just fine. Less cooking for her. But after he had left that morning, Grady was glad that Idgie’d had a little scare, thinking she was going to jail. She was way too wild and reckless for her own good. Everybody in town knew that Ruth had left her once over her drinking and gambling down at the River Club. If Idgie wasn’t careful, one of these days she might do something else crazy, and get herself in some real trouble. Trouble he couldn’t get her out of. But for now, there was no way that he was going to let Arvel Ligget press any charges against her. He hadn’t told Idgie this, because he didn’t want to encourage her to shoot more people, but Ligget had it coming. Anybody that would try and kill a poor little kitty cat had it coming. Grady was six-foot-four and looked tough, but he had a tender heart.

—

ARVEL LIGGET NEVER did come back to the town of Whistle Stop. He was too afraid of Sheriff Kilgore. But that day he made a vow that if he ever caught Idgie Threadgoode anywhere outside of town, he’d make her pay for what she had done.

CAR 6

Seats 11 and 12

LATER, WHEN BOTH of them decided they were hungry, Bud and Billy went to the snack bar and came back with prepackaged ham and cheese sandwiches wrapped in cellophane. Bud hadn’t ridden the train in a long time, and that tiny little snack bar was a far cry from the lovely old formal dining cars the trains used to have. But he didn’t say anything. He just ordered the ham and cheese and a Coke.

—

AS THEY ATE lunch, Bud told Billy the story of how he’d lost his arm and his Aunt Idgie had nicknamed him Stump. “I was down about it and having a pretty hard time. She said it was better for me to call myself Stump before anybody else did.” Bud laughed. “She even threw a funeral for my arm. And I went by Stump for quite a while, till my mother put a stop to it. My mother was real proper, but Aunt Idgie didn’t have a proper bone in her body. She was always telling jokes and acting a fool. Everybody knew if you needed a good laugh, she was always up for a good time and always full of fun.”

By now the train was almost halfway to Birmingham. “It sure sounds like you must have had a lot of fun growing up at that cafe,” Billy said.