Марк Твен - Приключения Тома Сойера / The Adventures of Tom Sawyer

And so forth and so on. There was a buzz of gratification from time to time during the reading, accompanied by whispered ejaculations of ‘How sweet!’ ‘How eloquent!’ ‘So true!’ etc., and after the thing had closed with a peculiarly afflicting sermon the applause was enthusiastic.

Then arose a slim, melancholy girl, whose face had the ‘interesting’ paleness that comes of pills and indigestion, and read a ‘poem.’ Two stanzas of it will do:

There were very few there who knew what ‘tête’ meant, but the poem was very satisfactory, nevertheless.

Next appeared a dark-complexioned, black-eyed, black-haired young lady, who paused an impressive moment, assumed a tragic expression, and began to read in a measured, solemn tone:

‘Dark and tempestuous was night. Around the throne on high not a single star quivered; but the deep intonations of the heavy thunder constantly vibrated upon the ear; whilst the terrific lightning revelled in angry mood through the cloudy chambers of heaven, seeming to scorn the power exerted over its terror by the illustrious Franklin! Even the boisterous winds unanimously came forth from their mystic homes, and blustered about as if to enhance by their aid the wildness of the scene.

‘At such a time, so dark, so dreary, for human sympathy my very spirit sighed; but instead thereof,

‘“My dearest friend, my counsellor, my comforter and guide – My joy in grief, my second bliss in joy,” came to my side. She moved like one of those bright beings pictured in the sunny walks of fancy’s Eden [78] Eden = the Garden of Eden – Эдем. В Библии – земной рай, где жили первые люди Адам и Ева. by the romantic and young, a queen of beauty unadorned save by her own transcendent loveliness. So soft was her step, it failed to make even a sound, and but for the magical thrill imparted by her genial touch, as other unobtrusive beauties, she would have glided away un-perceived – unsought. A strange sadness rested upon her features, like icy tears upon the robe of December, as she pointed to the contending elements without, and bade me contemplate the two beings presented.’

This nightmare occupied some ten pages of manuscript and wound up with a sermon so destructive of all hope to non-Presbyterians that it took the first prize. This composition was considered to be the very finest effort of the evening. The mayor of the village, in delivering the prize to the author of it, made a warm speech in which he said that it was by far the most ‘eloquent’ thing he had ever listened to, and that Daniel Webster [79] Daniel Webster – Дэниел Уэбстер (1782–1852), американский политический лидер, выдающийся оратор и общественный деятель. В 1830–1840-е гг. Уэбстер представлял штат Массачусетс в сенате США и был назван «защитником Конституции». himself might well be proud of it.

It may be remarked, in passing, that the number of compositions in which the word ‘beauteous’ was over-fondled, and human experience referred to as ‘life’s page,’ was up to the usual average.

Now the master, mellow almost to the verge of geniality, put his chair aside, turned his back to the audience, and began to draw a map of America on the blackboard, to exercise the geography class upon. But he made a sad business of it with his unsteady hand, and a smothered titter rippled over the house. He knew what the matter was, and set himself to right it. He sponged out lines and remade them; but he only distorted them more than ever, and the tittering was more pronounced. He threw his entire attention upon his work, now, as if determined not to be put down by the mirth. He felt that all eyes were fastened upon him; he imagined he was succeeding, and yet the tittering continued; it even manifestly increased. And well it might. There was a garret above, pierced with a scuttle over his head; and down through this scuttle came a cat, suspended around the haunches by a string; she had a rag tied about her head and jaws to keep her from mewing; as she slowly descended she curved upward and clawed at the string, she swung downward and clawed at the intangible air. The tittering rose higher and higher the cat was within six inches of the absorbed teacher’s head – down, down, a little lower, and she grabbed his wig with her desperate claws, clung to it, and was snatched up into the garret in an instant with her trophy still in her possession! And how the light did blaze abroad from the master’s bald pate – for the sign-painter’s boy had GILDED it!

That broke up the meeting. The boys were avenged. Vacation had come.

NOTE: – The pretended ‘compositions’ quoted in this chapter are taken without alteration from a volume entitled ‘Prose and Poetry, by a Western Lady’ – but they are exactly and precisely after the schoolgirl pattern, and hence are much happier than any mere imitations could be.

Tom joined the new order of Cadets of Temperance, being attracted by the showy character of their ‘regalia. [80] Regalia – отличительные знаки ордена. ’ He promised to abstain from smoking, chewing, and profanity as long as he remained a member. Now he found out a new thing – namely, that to promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing. Tom soon found himself tormented with a desire to drink and swear; the desire grew to be so intense that nothing but the hope of a chance to display himself in his red sash kept him from withdrawing from the order. Fourth of July [81] Fourth of July – День независимости, главный национальный праздник Соединенных Штатов, отмечающийся 4 июля. В этот день в 1776 г. была принята Декларация независимости. was coming; but he soon gave that up – gave it up before he had worn his shackles over forty-eight hours – and fixed his hopes upon old Judge Frazer, justice of the peace, who was apparently on his deathbed and would have a big public funeral, since he was so high an official. During three days Tom was deeply concerned about the Judge’s condition and hungry for news of it. Sometimes his hopes ran high – so high that he would venture to get out his regalia and practise before the looking-glass. But the Judge had a most discouraging way of fluctuating. At last he was pronounced upon the mend – and then convalescent. Tom was disgusted; and felt a sense of injury, too. He handed in his resignation at once – and that night the Judge suffered a relapse and died. Tom resolved that he would never trust a man like that again.