Bel Kaufman: Up The Down Staircase

Come back!

The new term will be shaping up very much like the old; there will be the usual number of sabbatical and maternity leaves in February, and more than the usual number of new kids. Mary has been asked to volunteer for additional duties as grade adviser. Loomis, who's had an offer in industry at a much higher salary (and without kids), got cold feet and chose to remain in the safety of the school system. Paul has been sauntering into school in a faint vapor of alcohol. And Henrietta went and touched up her hair over the holidays: from salt and pepper to bright ginger.

I got carried away there a while back. But I feel it would be such a waste if someone like you were swept away from us.

Bea

Dear Miss Barrett,

Will you please enter final marks on the enclosed End Term Sheets for each of your students, so the substitute can transfer them to PRC's.

Will you please send to me the CC's, Service Credits, and number of times absent (excused and unexcused) and late (excused and unexcused) for each of your homeroom students.

Also, Book Blacklist of students who failed to return their books, and any moneys you have collected for the renewal of subscriptions to The Clarion and for the G.O. Field Trip.

I hope you feel better.

Sadie Finch

Chief Clerk

BOARD OF EDUCATION OF THE

CITY OF NEW YORK

DEAR SIR OR MADAM:

AFTER 35 YEARS OF ACCREDITED SERVICE, OR AFTER 30 YEARS OF SERVICE IF AT LEAST 55 YEARS OF AGE AND IF THE TEACHER HAS ELECTED 55-30 COVERAGE, OR IF THE TEACHER IS NOT AT LEAST 55 YEARS OF AGE OR DID NOT ELECT 55-30 COVERAGE, AFTER 30 YEARS OF SERVICE, BUT AT A CONSIDERABLY REDUCED PENSION, A TEACHER IS ELIGIBLE FOR RETIREMENT.

Dear Miss Barrett:

Due to an unavoidable and regrettable oversight, your letter asking for a letter to Willowdale Academy has been inadvertently mislaid. I shall be pleased and happy if you plan to leave us to write a recommendation with an S rating, but

I hope and trust you will return to active duty here.

Sincerely yours,

MAXWELL E. CLARKE

PRINCIPAL

Dear Sylvia,

Delighted to hear you're mending. Do you happen to have on you an extra key to the john? Can you mail it to me?

Henrietta

BOARD OF EDUCATION OF THE

CITY OF NEW YORK

DEAR SIR OR MADAM:

APPARENTLY YOU WERE SENT THE WRONG FORM. THE FORM YOU WERE SENT IS A RETIREMENT FORM. YOU NEED A RESIGNATION FORM.

BUREAU OF APPOINTMENTS AND RECORDS

Dear Sylvia,

The Teachers' Interest Com. (they've stuck me with that too!) want to know if and when you are leaving, so that we can start collecting money for your going away gift and farewell tea.

I've been meaning to visit you, but the work has been piling up so high I have to take it home every day to get it in on time. I wish I could just lie down someplace like you!

Mary

BOARD OF EDUCATION OF THE CITY OF NEW YORK

DEAR SIR OR MADAM:

IN ANSWER TO YOUR REQUEST FOR A RETIREMENT FORM, YOU WERE SENT THE OLD RETIREMENT FORM INSTEAD OF THE NEW RETIREMENT FORM.

BUREAU OF APPOINTMENTS AND RECORDS

Dear Miss Barrett,

Due before 3: All items on the enclosed circular #134 are to be checked off. See also Addenda to the Circular.

I'm sorry you've been getting the wrong forms from the Board. You must apply for the correct form to the Division of Appointments and Records.

Sadie Finch

Chief Clerk

Dear Miss Barrett,

I recall a lesson on "The Road Not Taken," and a fruitful discussion on choices. I hope you've made the right one; though whichever it is, as you yourself pointed out, it is bound to be charged with regret.

With best wishes for a speedy recovery—

Samuel Bester

Dear Miss Barrett,

No matter how I add up my marks my average is still 61%! Well, well! Here's hoping that one more Extra Credit will pick me up to 65%! I have no more books I read but will try to read some more if I pass!

Odyssus

Odyssus left Troy after killing a couple of million people and with his men were going home. But these giants at an island they stoped at smashed Odyssus men to pieces! After that they went to the Cyclopes who ate them gradually, but Odyssus stuck something in his eye blinding the Cyclope and which resulted in the Cyclope not being able to see. After that they went to Circe who changed the men into pigs but Odyssus changed them back! Finally they went to the island of the sun and ate up all the sun's cattle. But Zeus killed all the men except Odyssus since he was the hero. By now all the men are dead! Odyssus lands in Ogygia and stays there for 7 years. Finally he comes home.

Even if I don't pass I hope you come back! Because you know you can't get along without us, Ha-ha!

(I laugh a lot but mostly I don't mean it)

Lou Martin

Is this 304?

Hey, she's back!

You out of the hospital?

Hurray, we got Barrett!

How's your foot?

Let's give her a round of clap!

Thank you for the applause, but that's enough. That's enough, thank you. I'm glad to see you again too. And now, please fill out these Delaney cards while I call the roll—

What's the date?

February first, you moron!

There's not enough seats!

Hey, we got a lot of new kids here!

I'm not late—the bell is early.

You gonna be our English too?

Is Lou Martin here? Oh, there you are.

Who, me? I didn't do it! Honest—cross my—

Stop clowning, Lou. I just want you to know you were right. You were absolutely right.

You got a cold?

Who's got a pen to loan me?

You want my Kleenex?

Quit pushing!

I don't need a Delaney, I'm dropping out.

See me after school, and we'll talk about it.

Can I have a pass? I've got to leave the room—

I've got a doctor's note to prove it!

Hey, the window's broke!

Pipe down, you guys, you know she means business!

Acevedo, Fiore?

Here.

Adamson, Ruth?

Here.

Please come to order. I can't hear you when you—

Put that chair down! Amdur Janet?

Here.

Good morning, Rusty. Why are you late?

I'm not late—I had my English changed. I wanted you.

I'm glad. Well—find a place to stand. Axelrod, Leon?—No, Don't bother me with these circulars until I'm through with attendance. Axelrod, Leon? Is he absent?

Him? He's always absent!

You're lucky he's not here!

Boy, will he give you trouble!

Hey, I'm too crowded!

My desk is full of holes!

Is this the right room?

Hi, teach!

Hi, pupe! . . . Belgado, Ramos?

From Collected Poems , Harper & Row, Publishers. Copyright 1921, 1946 by Edna St. Vincent Millay. By permission of Norma Millay Ellis.