Bel Kaufman - Up The Down Staircase

Dear Dr. Clarke,

INTRASCHOOL COMMUNICATION

FROM: Paul Barringer, Room 309

TO: Sylvia Barrett, Room 304

Sylvia!

Where did you disappear after dinner last night?

Was I that blotto?

Must be the latest rejection slip. The tone is not only polite but patronizing: Why don't I write of something familiar to me?

The school system is familiar to me.

Am I to write of kids sprawling in classrooms? Yawning in assembly? Pushing through the halls? (You know I never venture forth in hall traffic.)

Am I to write of teachers marking papers? Of McHabe's circulars? (You know I have a low boredom-threshold.)

The only thing I can do with him is give him a song to sing. I call it J.J.'s Lament :

The ceiling fell? The ink ran dry? A student dared to smile?

Of every new disaster

I prove myself the master

By sending out more circulars, more circulars to file!

A missing kid? A kissing kid? A paper on the floor?

For every major crisis

One remedy suffices:

More circulars, more circulars to put into a drawer!

I want him to star in the Faculty Show, but he has another commitment. I'd like to write him a splendid aria, entitled: "It Has Come to my Attention That."

Why do you refuse to be in the Show? You are wasting yourself in the classroom.

Why do you refuse? You are wasting yourself.

A girl who is patient like patient Griselda

Will find all she's getting is elder and elder.

Meet me for lunch?

Meet me at three?

Meet me this evening? I promise to stay sober.

Paul

I wish other teachers would be brave like you and put in a Suggestion Box. They're always telling us what's wrong with us, what about the other way around? Boy, would I like to tell them off. But you're OK even if you are a teacher.

(You said we don't have to sign our name)

Scram! Hit the road! Leave town! If you know what's good for you! (You asked for it!)

A Well Wisher

Don't think you'll get off so easy just because you speak nice and you don't seem scarred of us, last term we had a man teacher and we made him cry.

Yr ( Emeny) Enemy

Not enough boys and too many girls in the room. But that's not your fault. Also some schools they have danceing in the cafeteria and they put on different things, why not? You only live once.

Linda Rosen

It was very interesting of you to give the compositions on My Best Friend, there are quite a few persons you've helped. Keep up the good work.

Harry A. Kagan (The Students Choice)

Being you're so young don't be so leniant, we take advantage, especially Joe Farrone, he must be your pet because he gives you so much trouble. Also give out more up to date books than the Oddesseys. They should rewrite the Oddessey over with more up to date incidence.

Failing

Can you make the chalk stop from squeeking?

Nervous

Please tell Lou Martin to quit showing off, he thinks he's so comic well I don't.

Signed — Serious Student

Fuk. Screw. Crap. Goddam. Nerts to you.

Unsinged

You ask for revelant matters only. Assemblys too boring. I always know what he's going to say (Clark). Show movies instead.

Don't try so hard, you'll live longer, sit down & relax when you teach.

I have many problems but won't burden you with them in this Box. They're not fit for human ears. Though you seem to be a very understandable person. By that I mean you understand us being not so old yourself. Too bad you're a teacher and pretty like my sister. I wish you were a plain person then we could be close.

Vivian Paine

Sitting near the window in this room I have caught a cold because there's a hole in it. Well life is like that, you have to pay for your pleasure, with cash or otherwise.

Fifth Row Last Seat

This school is run like a Army. The least little thing he (McHaber) get excited. He better watch his step, after all I pay his sallary with taxes!

Tax Payer

Linda Rosen—sex pot, Alice Blake—stuck up, and you like Joe Feroni, he's just asking for attention.

Neglected

You're lucky you're a women teacher, if it was a man he would of walked into something he didn't see coming his way, with a women my temper is controlled but a man doesn't last long. (This is the last time I am writting!)

Dont call the Roll so early.

Late Bird

In the past I always looked forward to my English classes with regret but when I entered your room, low and behold, I saw your cheerful countenence standing in front of the class & I got really interested in the subject. You seem to mean it when you smile.

A Bashful Nobody

Homer is not a very good writer.

Reader

Everybody is always picking on me because of prejudice and that goes for everybody. Mr. Machabe really has it in for me just because I am color. I have allready fill a complain to Dr. Clark.

Edward Williams, Esq.

Clean up the slums! Before you go to the moon! And stop the Atomb Bomb! Before its too late! As far as school, without us there could be no school, ha-ha! And no futures!

Lou Martin

How about a date? I'll fix you up like you never had it before.

Loverboy

Throw out myths. Throw out old teachers and put in new. Throw down this delapidated school and build a clean one, more moderner, like my other was. With Loud Speakers in every class room where they told you over the Loud Speaker about personal hygene and forest conservation and things like that even if it came in the middle of a lesson. With telephones inside the rooms where if a teacher forgot a pencil she could call up to find out if it's there and later go get it. The traffic in the halls was more roomier and the cafeteria wasn't in the basement. You could sit down and eat. But I couldn't stay.

Stander

Don't start up with me!

Poisen

There is one thing you shouldn't do and that is look so beautiful. You distract the attention of Lou and me very much and causes us to pass notes while you talk.