Brenda Novak - The Perfect Murder

“I must’ve been sleeping too deeply to hear the bell.”

“Come on, Jane. Your car was gone. I was worried enough to cruise the lot several times.”

She was making this worse by the second. Jonathan was a private investigator, someone trained to notice details. She should’ve known better than to bullshit him. She should just tell him the truth-or as much of the truth as she was comfortable revealing. “All right, I was with someone,” she admitted. “But please, don’t tell David or anyone at TLS. I don’t want to deal with this at work.”

There was a long silence. “Secrets make me uncomfortable, Jane.”

“This isn’t a secret. It’s my private business. There’s a difference.”

“If you’d told me you were out with someone when I first brought it up, it would’ve ended there.”

She rolled her eyes. “Jonathan, it’s nothing, really. I lied because…because it’s none of your concern. I can see whomever I want.”

“Jane, that guy who came here last night was dangerous. I’m pretty sure he was on drugs, and I know he was packing a gun. You have to watch out for yourself, especially if you’re coming home late.”

“He doesn’t know where I live. My number’s unlisted, so he couldn’t find me even if he wanted to.”

“There are ways…”

“For people like you. We’re talking about a pimp from Oak Park.”

“Don’t underestimate him,” he said. “Maybe it isn’t my concern, but if he’s someone you met through The Last Stand…you should be cautious. The people we come into contact with aren’t typically the type of people you’d want to date.”

“I know. But some of them are worth risking a relationship. You met Zoë through TLS.”

“True, but her child had been abducted. That’s not the same.”

“Of course it is,” she said. “She has to rebuild her trust just like Skye and me and anyone else who’s ever been violated. You think I don’t know that I have to be careful? I understand the risks we face. That’s the problem. That’s why last night was the first time I’ve been with a man in five freakin’ years!” Her voice was getting shrill but she couldn’t seem to gain control of it. “Can’t I shake off the past just once and spend the night with a guy simply because I want to? Can’t I forget about danger for a few minutes and act as if I don’t have to doubt every single person I meet?”

Finally, she caught herself. This wasn’t what she wanted to tell Jonathan. This wasn’t what she wanted to tell anyone. “I’m sorry,” she said. “Ignore me. I…I made a mistake, that’s all.”

“Jane?”

“What?”

“You’ll get beyond Oliver.”

She didn’t realize she was crying until the tears fell from her chin. Frustrated by her inability to stanch the emotions last night had churned up, she swiped an impatient hand across her wet cheeks and tried to swallow the lump that threatened to choke her. “Yeah, I will.” She continued to backpedal, pretending to believe she’d eventually recover, but she had no idea if she really would. Relationships were complicated enough without throwing her background into the mix.

Jonathan’s voice lightened, as if he hoped to tease her out of her current mood. “I hope it was fun, at least.”

She wasn’t even tempted to smile. “It should’ve been.” She couldn’t imagine he’d want to challenge that candid an answer, so she went right on. “I’ll give Luther a call, see what he wanted.”

“Whatever you do, keep your distance from him,” Jonathan warned. “Meth, or whatever he’s using, makes people crazy.”

Loneliness could make people crazy, too, if last night was anything to judge by. “I will,” she said, pouring her coffee down the sink. It was cold and she didn’t have time for another cup. What did it matter that she’d slept with Sebastian? Or whether she’d enjoyed it? Latisha and Marcie were still missing. They were the ones with the real problem. She needed to get going, work harder to find them.

“And on that other issue, you know the cliché,” Jonathan added.

From his tone she guessed he was referring to what she’d done with Sebastian. “What cliché?”

“You gotta get back on the, er, horse.”

The metaphor brought a smile to Jane’s lips. “Sometimes it’s better not to ride at all. Sometimes it’s smarter to stay out of the way of flying hooves.”

“Depends on the horse.” He disconnected, and she chuckled as she went in search of her purse.

A clap of thunder woke Sebastian. After the initial boom, it rolled across the sky loudly enough to shake the whole building and was soon joined by an onslaught of wind and rain.

“What a morning,” he grumbled. It was still early; he felt like going back to sleep. Especially when his first thought was of Jane-and the disappointment and frustration that had resulted from their lovemaking. He couldn’t help feeling he’d let her down. She’d summoned the courage and trust to return to his room, and he hadn’t been able to deliver what she wanted. She wasn’t sexually liberated enough to take advantage of being in charge. Not after five years of celibacy. Not after what she’d been through. He should’ve thought of that, should’ve realized she actually needed him to take the lead. He would’ve slipped into that role if he hadn’t been so afraid of spooking her.

What she needed was a happy medium between aggressiveness and restraint. He could see that now. But at the time, he’d been feeling his way through the experience, too. He’d never made love to a woman who’d been viciously attacked by a stranger, let alone by the man who was supposed to love her and protect her above all others.

He wondered how Emily would’ve reacted to the violence of having been shot had she survived…

When he considered it in those terms, he had to admit Jane was recovering quite well. She’d been attacked in a brutal, very personal fashion. Yet she was standing her ground, battling her fears. That alone told him she was a brave woman.

He wished last night had brought her some comfort, some satisfaction.

“Live and learn,” he said aloud. Too gentle was almost as unfulfilling as too rough. He instinctively understood that, but he’d made an exception for Jane.

In an attempt to put her out of his head, he showered and checked his voice mail. But he didn’t have any messages and his chores offered little distraction. While he was working, part of his brain kept replaying that moment when her tongue had first touched his and sent his heart racing. He hadn’t been so aroused in ages…

The phone interrupted his thoughts. Halfway hoping it would be Jane, he picked up. “Hello?”

“Sebastian?”

It wasn’t Jane; it was Constance. His disappointment surprised him-and confirmed that he wasn’t himself anymore. Didn’t he want to reconcile with his girlfriend? Maybe she didn’t seem vital to him now, but she would at some point. At this rate, he’d have to rebuild every aspect of his life.

And yet he’d rather speak to a woman he’d met yesterday, a woman with whom he had no future, a woman who’d left him feeling off-balance.

“Yes?” he said into the phone.

“You haven’t called.”

He’d just sat down and booted up his computer, but at the sulkiness in her voice, he pushed away from the desk and stared at the rain sliding down the window. “You told me it was over.”

“And you were willing to leave it at that?”

“I thought it was what you wanted, what would make you happiest.”

“I was angry.”

“And now?”

“I’m still angry. But…I’m not sure I can give up on us.”

Sebastian had no idea how he felt about their relationship anymore, how he felt about her. Was it fair to let her believe things would go back to the way they were before? He’d drifted so far from the man he used to be; he doubted she even knew him anymore. And what about last night? Once he told her he’d been intimate with another woman, they’d have more problems. Constance was nothing if not intensely jealous.