Рита Браун - The Purrfect Murder

The Purrfect Murder

Rita Mae Brown

BANTAM BOOKS NEWYORK • TORONTO • LONDON • SYDNEY • AUCKLAND

Cast of Characters

Mary Minor “Harry” Haristeen—Formerly the postmistress of Crozet, she now is trying to make a go of it with farming. She turned forty in August, doesn’t seem to mind.

Pharamond “Fair” Haristeen, D.VM.—Harry’s husband is an equine vet, and he tries to keep his wife out of trouble, with limited success.

Susan Tucker—Harry’s best friend since cradle days often marvels at how Harry’s mind works when it works. The two of them know each other so well that they could finish each other’s sentences.

Mrs. Miranda Hogendobber—Miranda observes a great deal but keeps most of it to herself. She’s in her late sixties, devoutly Christian, and mothers Harry, who lost her own mother in her twenties.

Marilyn “Big Mim” Sanburne—The Queen of Crozet sees all and knows all, or would like to, at any rate. She despotically improves everyone’s lot but is good-hearted underneath it all.

Marilyn “Little Mim” Sanburne, Jr.—She’s finally emerging from her mother’s shadow, which displeases her mother while it pleases everyone else. Most especially pleased is her new husband, Blair Bainbridge.

Jim Sanburne—The mayor of Crozet, his daughter is the vice mayor; he’s accustomed to being in the middle of wife and daughter. Jim is a regular guy, which puts him in sharp contrast to Big Mim, who was born with a silver spoon in her mouth.

Aunt Tally Urquhart—This wild woman, in her nineties, must be a devotee of the god Pan, for she’s in her glory when pandemonium reigns. She’s Big Mim’s aunt and delights in shocking her prim niece.

Deputy Cynthia Cooper—She’s smart, in her late thirties, and Harry’s neighbor. She, like Fair, tries to keep Harry out of trouble when she can. She likes law enforcement.

Sheriff Rick Shaw—He’s the dedicated public servant, insightful but by the book. He wearies of the politics of his position, but he never wearies of bringing criminals to justice. He likes Harry, but she gets in the way.

Olivia “BoomBoom” Craycroft—She was widowed in her early thirties and, being quite beautiful, always trailed troops of men behind her. One of them was Fair Haristeen, who had an affair with her when he was divorced from Harry, whom he’s since remarried. BoomBoom can be forceful when necessary.

Alicia Palmer—A great movie star, now in her late fifties, she’s thrilled to be back on the farm in Crozet. She’s also thrilled that she’s found BoomBoom, for they truly connect.

Tazio Chappars—This young architect finds herself in terrible trouble and she can’t remember what happened.

Paul de Silva—He’s Big Mim’s stable manager and in love with Tazio. When she’s carted off to jail he’s beyond miserable.

Dr. William Wylde—Respected, responsible, and good-natured, this OB/GYN delivered half of Crozet.

Benita Wylde—Will’s wife is an avid golfer and learns some painful lessons about life. She rises to the occasion.

Margaret Westlake—She manages Dr. Wylde’s office.

Sophie Denham—She is the senior nurse in Dr. Wylde’s office.

Kylie Kraft—She is the junior nurse in Dr. Wylde’s office and is known for going through men like potato chips.

Dr. Harvey Tillach—This physician loathes Will Wylde.

Mike McElvoy—Every county has at least one building inspector. Albemarle County has two, but Mike is the one who sets everyone’s teeth on edge.

Carlo Paulson—She’s a good-looking middle-aged lady and is building a new house. Tazio Chappars is the architect, and Mike McElvoy is the inspector. This makes for a sulfurous triangle.

Folly Steinhauser—She also built a huge house within the last two years and has learned to detest Mike McElvoy. She’s quite rich and not unwilling to challenge Big Mim. Her husband, Ron, is possessive but slowly failing, as he’s a lot older than Folly. He misses a lot these days.

The Really Important Characters

Mrs. Murphy—She’s a pretty tiger cat with brains, speed, and a reasonably tolerant temperament. She knows she can’t really keep Harry, her human, out of trouble, but she can sometimes get her out once she’s in a mess.

Tee Tucker—This corgi, also devoted to Harry, has great courage and manages to live with two cats. That says a lot.

Pewter—The gray cannonball, as she does not like to be known, affects disdain for humans, but she loves Harry and Fair. However, if there’s a way to avoid a long way or trouble, she’s the first to choose the easy path.

Simon—Living in the barn with all the horses pleases this opossum, who also likes Harry, as much as he can like humans. She gives him treats.

Flatface—Sharing the loft with Simon, the great horned owl looks down on earthbound creatures, figuratively and literally. However, in a pinch, Flatface can be counted on.

Matilda—She’s a big blacksnake and the third roommate in the barn loft. Her sense of humor borders on the black, too.

Owen—Tee Tucker’s brother belongs to Susan Tucker, who bred the litter. He doesn’t know how his sister can tolerate the cats. When in feline company, he behaves, but he thinks the cats are snobs.

Brinkley—This smart yellow Lab loves and adores Tazio.

Since Mrs. Murphy, Tucker, and Pewter live on a farm, various creatures cross their paths, from bears to foxes to one nasty blue jay. They love all the horses, which can’t be said for some of the other creatures, but then, the horses are domesticated. Pewter declares she is not domesticated, merely resting in a house with regular meals.

1

Morning light, which looked like thin spun gold, reminded Harry Haristeen why she loved September so much. The light softened, the nights grew crisp, while the days remained warm. This Thursday, September 18, there was only a vague tinge of yellow at the tops of the willow trees, which would become a cascade of color by mid-October.

The old 1978 Ford F-150 rumbled along the macadam road. The big engine’s sound thrilled Harry. If it had a motor in it, she liked it.

Her two cats, Mrs. Murphy, a tiger, and Pewter, a gray cat, along with her corgi, Tee Tucker, also enjoyed the rumble, which often put them to sleep. Today, all sitting on the bench seat, they were wide awake. A trip to town meant treats and visiting other animals, plus one never knew what would happen.

Harry had just turned forty on August 7, and she declared it didn’t faze her. Maybe. Maybe not. Fair, her adored husband, threw a big surprise birthday party and she reveled in being the center of attention, even though it was for entering her Middle Ages. She wore the gorgeous horseshoe ring her husband had bought her at the Shelbyville Horse Show. She wasn’t much for display or girly things, but every time she looked down at the glitter, she grinned.

“All right, kids, you behave. You hear me? I don’t want you jumping on Tazio’s blueprints. No knocking erasers on the floor. No chewing the rubber ends of pencils. Tucker.” Harry’s voice kept the command tone. “Don’t you dare steal Brinkley’s bones. I mean it.”

The three animals cast their eyes at her, those eyes brimming with love and the promise of obedience.

Tazio Chappars, a young architect in Crozet, won large commissions for public buildings, but she also accepted a healthy string of commissions for beautiful, expensive homes, most paid for by non-Virginians. The houses were too flashy for a blue-blooded Virginian. However, Tazio, like all of us in this world, needed to make a living, so if the client wanted a marble-clad bathroom as big as most people’s garages, so be it.