Grażyna Plebanek - Illegal Liaisons

Jonathan raised himself, carefully took his son in his arms and carried him to bed.

“You read beautifully.” He kissed Antosia on the hair.

She nodded but there was scepticism on her face. His daughter’s reactions were more and more mature, she didn’t have tantrums like a child, only concealed her feelings like an adult. He hugged her closely so she wouldn’t see his expression. He would have preferred her to remain a child a little longer, be happier a little longer.

He turned off the light in the children’s room and went back to his bedroom. Megi was working long hours again; she’d phoned not long ago, explaining that she’d be late. He opened the window and exposed his face to the breeze of the evening air. Andrea hadn’t explained anything, had decided for herself that she wouldn’t get in the way of his family. She hadn’t asked for his opinion; she had simply resolved it should be this way.

He looked at the oblique roofs of the apartments, at the arc of his street, at the tops of the leafless trees. Everything here was mild; the November gusts were melancholic rather than sharp, the houses leaned against each other affably, windows smiled in the façades, each apartment building was different, each a little old, a little new, unpretentious, familiar.

“Don’t worry.” Andrea’s words came back to him. “I’m not going to break up your family.” Jonathan closed the window; the room turned silent. She’d made the decision herself. But then he, too, had never started to think seriously about leaving Megi and the children. It was his private taboo. And Andrea had understood that his passion for her belonged to the present – Jonathan felt her here and now – while his feelings for Megi were retained in his memories, in their watching the children together, in their plans and daily routines. And although the fireworks of being with his lover outshone daily routine, the basis of his life endured, the main current flowed persistently, linked the past to the future, waited for the moment until it could overflow and embrace the present again.

The slamming of a door reached him from below. Megi’s footsteps were slow, like his grandmother’s in the past when she’d walked to his father’s apartment. His grandmother had tended to be tired; shopping pulled on her shoulders. Something clattered downstairs – a hanger had slipped from Megi’s hands.

Jonathan quickly stripped and slid beneath the duvet. Suddenly a thought occurred to him that he hadn’t taken into account before: if Andrea left Simon and he stayed here, then … his lover would be free. A free Andrea, Andrea openly taking advantage of her freedom!

He switched off the bedside lamp, curled up on his side, and Megi, seeing him asleep, stepped back from the bedroom door and quietly closed it behind her.

JONATHAN SATin the sauna on the scorching planks and breathed the humid air. Stefan had settled himself next to him on the wooden steps. Jonathan passed him a can of beer and opened one himself.

“How did you know Simon was blocking Megi?” he asked.

“One knows these things.”

“Megi only told me today.”

“And how did she know?”

“You know so why shouldn’t she? She’s the one concerned.”

Stefan rolled his eyes; the steam was making his face turn red.

“If she’s the one concerned, then everyone should know except for her,” he bristled.

“What’s this, ‘teach yourself Cardinal Richelieu’?”

“Did Przemek tell her?” Stefan answered with a question.

Jonathan nodded.

“And did he tell her it was Simon?”

“No, not that.”

Froth spurted from Stefan’s can as he opened it.

“Then you’ve got more luck than brains.” He shook the froth from his hand; the smell of beer filled the sauna. “And I’m in deep shit. I’m not sure Monika hasn’t caught on I fucked Martyna because she’s not talking to me. “Where’s my shirt?” I ask and she says nothing. I bring her flowers, still nothing. What an atmosphere! I tell her that the children are suffering because of it but it’s like banging my head against a brick wall.”

“Has she done it before?”

“She used to soften with flowers.”

“So what are you going to do this time?”

“I thought you’d tell me.” Reproach flitted in Stefan’s eyes. “I’ve run out of ideas. But getting back to you, what’s the situation? She’s pregnant, he’s getting his revenge, Megi’s blocked because of it …”

“Blocked but we don’t know whether that’s why,” retorted Jonathan through clenched teeth. He had a superstitious approach to words; he didn’t like the idea that when uttered they created facts. “That’s your theory.”

“And Przemek’s.”

Stefan raised his arms; a couple of drops squirted from his can onto the wooden planks, and the smell of beer grew stronger.

“And now they’ll kick us out of here if you go on stinking the place out with that,” muttered Jonathan.

“But what did you tell Megi when she mentioned the blocking?”

“That it’s a conspiracy theory. And that since she’s passed the exam and has the necessary experience, she’ll get another job before we know it.”

Stefan nodded in approval.

“She won’t buy that, she’s too intelligent, but you showed you were trying. And Andrea? Do you see each other?”

Jonathan nodded.

“And fuck?”

“None of your business.”

“Meaning you do. So nothing’s changed.”

“Only that Andrea wants to leave Simon.”

Stefan choked; beer spurted on to the bench again. Jonathan raised his eyes without a word.

“And you haven’t told me? But she’s not gone running to Megi yet, has she? Shit, it’s like that Ilona of mine.”

“Quite the opposite!” Jonathan riposted. “Yours wanted to live happily ever after with you. Andrea is different.”

“In what way? So why’s she leaving Simon?”

“Says she can’t go on like this. But that it doesn’t oblige me in any way because she doesn’t want to break up my family.”

“And what, she’s going to be alone, with the baby?”

“That’s exactly what’s doing my head in! Andrea alone … And all those guys, understand?”

It took Stefan a while to grasp what Jonathan meant.

“You must be mad,” he said in the end. “You’re scared she’ll make the most of her freedom? A pregnant woman, then a single mother with a small child, is going to make the most of the single life? Give me a break!”

“So what am I supposed to be scared of?” Jonathan was at a loss.

“Just that when she cracks up from being alone she’ll go to Megi and create a stink!”

“That’s not Andrea.” Jonathan shook his head. “She’s got a job, good money, she’ll hire a nanny. What does she need somebody like me for?”

“And you, what do you need her for?”

Jonathan started squeezing his can; the sound rang out in the quiet sauna like an explosion.

“She keeps running away from me,” he said barely audibly. “I can’t leave her because she runs away and … keeps wanting me.”

Stefan looked at him strangely, then asked, “And aren’t you afraid she’s going to land you with the baby?”

“All I’m afraid of,” said Jonathan after a long while, “is what I’m going to tell my children. That’s all I’m afraid of in this whole business of, as you call it, ‘landing me with the baby.’ ”

Stefan gasped in anger, spread his hand out in front of him, and folded his fingers one by one.

“Alimony, looking for a nanny, choosing a school …”

Jonathan began to wriggle around on the bench.

“More generally,” he interrupted Stefan’s counting, “I’m scared of asking her whether it’s mine.”