Catherine O'Connor - On Equal Terms

How well she remembered it! It had been her eighteenth birthday—the house had been filled with family and friends for the celebration. Kate had known Sebastian would come, even though she had seen little of him over the last few months. She’d known he would be there that night. Her heart had flipped every time she’d heard the doorbell ring then sank again when it wasn’t him. Finally he had arrived. She could see it now, like watching a film on the screen. She had raced to the door, flinging herself into his arms.

‘Sebastian, I knew you’d come,’ she cried. Her arms clung around his neck and she rejoiced in the intoxicating aroma of him that enveloped her whole body.

‘Kate.’ His tone was abrupt, almost curt, and he pushed her firmly away from him. It was as if she had been slapped, the pain was so real. She stepped away, bewildered; she was eighteen now, a young woman. She had made so much effort tonight, dressing with so much care, in a dress which she knew perhaps was a little too sophisticated for her but she had seen his other girlfriends wear such designs. He had disentangled himself from her as if embarrassed, and Kate felt her blood turn to ice as he introduced her to his stunning companion, who had just stepped into the house.

‘Kate, this is Louisa.’ His arm wrapped around the woman’s slender waist and he drew her up against him.

Kate gave a bitter smile at the memory. How shocked she had been—totally stunned. She had truly believed it was only a matter of time before Sebastian would confess his love for her. Unbidden tears now pricked her eyes and she rolled over on the bed, unable to stop their salty flow at the memory of that fateful night. She had gone outside in the garden until finally Sebastian had come in search of her. She had been cold, but her body had been shivering more with anticipation than the night air.

‘Kate, you’ll catch your death in that flimsy thing,’ he had laughed, pulling her gently against his warm chest, and Kate had allowed her head to fall against him, listening to the steady thud of his strong heart, breathing in the very essence of him.

‘Do you like my dress?’ she whispered, raising her doe eyes to look at him. He looked at her, smiling, and nodded.

‘Quite the young lady,’ he said, but she had known he was sincere and her heart had leapt at his words. She moved closer, and lifted her face to his, her full lips parted in soft invitation, her eyes holding a slumberous warmth.

‘Kate,’ he whispered, so quietly, as if it was an incantation of love. ‘My Kate.’ He allowed his hand to travel over her tender cheek and she inclined her head like a satisfied cat, to enjoy the feel of it on her skin. She knew he was going to kiss her, she had imagined it so many times that it seemed perfectly natural. She stepped closer and their bodies fused together in silent communion. He lowered his head and Kate closed her eyes, savouring every moment. His lips met hers in gentle surrender and Kate felt herself soaring, soaring higher and higher.

‘Sebastian!’ The shocked, disapproving tone of Louisa broke the spell, banishing the magic moment. Kate heard Sebastian mumble apologies and the realisation that to him it had all been a mistake chilled her to the bone. He moved away from her, leaving her feeling lost and alone in an alien world. She knew then that he didn’t love her, not the way she loved him.

The rest of her birthday party had been a fiasco. Sebastian spent the whole evening with Louisa, dancing closely, sharing jokes, snatching kisses like typical young lovers. Kate watched them, her insides twisting painfully at every sign of intimacy between them. She hadn’t wanted to go away but knew now that there was little to keep her at her family house. Kate sighed and pushed herself upright. It was all in the past, she reminded herself firmly. It had been a silly schoolgirl crush, an infatuation with an older man. She was past all that now—she no longer loved Sebastian. She hated him, in fact, hated his arrogance, his superior attitude. All she wanted now was the chance to prove to him just how little he meant to her.

KATE began to dress, pulling open familiar drawers and taking out some delicate underwear, and suddenly rejoicing in the luxury she had been denying herself. She gave a start as she heard the door open and swung round to face Sebastian as he viewed her in her skimpy underwear.

‘Why so startled, Kate?’ he enquired. Kate grabbed at her dressing-gown, drawing the cord firmly around her body, but she still felt bare, exposed, under his cold scrutiny.

‘It’s polite to knock before entering a lady’s bedroom,’ she retorted. She had immediately gone on the attack as it was her only protection against him. She still felt oddly vulnerable with him, despite the fact that all she felt for him was loathing.

‘I’ve brought you breakfast in bed,’ Sebastian replied, with a calm smile. He seemed to ignore the look on Kate’s face. Here we go again, Kate thought to herself. He’s treating me as if I’m the baby sister needing to be looked after. But she had to concede that despite his usual customary arrogance he sounded sincere.

‘Breakfast in bed?’ she echoed. ‘That’s hardly necessary.’ She laughed, touched by his sudden gesture of kindness yet troubled by it, too.

‘It is, because that’s where you’re to stay for at least two days,’ Sebastian said firmly as he placed the tray on the side-table and inclined his head towards the bed, expecting her to get back into it immediately.

‘Two days!’ repeated Kate miserably. She would go mad! She hated being inactive—and Sebastian knew that.

‘That’s right; now get back in.’ Sebastian gave an indulgent twitch of his mouth, as if he expected her to protest. Kate grimaced to herself at his arrogant assumption that she would do as he said.

‘I feel fine,’ she protested, moving away from the bed and over to the tray of food; the delicate aroma of smoked bacon had awakened a sudden feeling of hunger in her. Sebastian shrugged his broad shoulders, obviously indifferent to her claims.

‘That’s debatable. However, they’re doctor’s orders—not some devious idea thought up by me,’ he informed her. He knew she held him responsible.

Kate turned away, lowering her sooty long lashes over her eyes. ‘I think he’s over-reacting, then,’ she said stubbornly. The thought of being trapped in bed still filled her with dread. She had been so busy, used to working all hours, and even then all her energy had not been spent.

‘It was a very nasty accident; it could have been fatal,’ Sebastian reminded her.

Kate shivered as a sudden image of the out-of-control car spinning towards her flashed through her mind. She gripped the edge of the table for support, suddenly feeling sick.

‘That’s why bed-rest has been recommended,’ he continued, a tiny note of triumph in his voice. His arms were round her shoulders as he guided her back to the bed. Kate’s muscles set against his touch but she felt too weak to protest as he helped her. She lay down on the bed, grateful now for Sebastian’s support. She looked up at him, smiling her thanks weakly, but he withdrew his hands quickly and looked away.

‘You’ll feel better after you’ve eaten.’ There was a strange tension in his voice.

Kate’s eyes flickered down to the tray of food. There seemed to be a huge amount—more like a full brunch than a light breakfast! She looked back at Sebastian, searching for some trace of—what? She knew that all she would find was his contempt. He felt no sympathy for her, only duty. She tried to read what lay behind the cool, intelligent mask—what type of game he was playing with her.

‘There’s far too much here…’ she began.