Romantic Association - Truly, Madly, Deeply

Only once did they have a real conversation.

‘What did you do in Ireland, Mr Doyle?’ she asked.

‘I was a stable hand. I’m good with horses. But I’ll work at anything to make a good life for my lads in Australia. It must be hard for you, going so far away on your own.’

‘Yes, but I have a job waiting, as a maid.’

‘Will you like that?’

‘I’ll like eating regularly and being paid. And it’ll give me a start.’

‘I don’t have a job waiting. But I’m hopeful. People always need help with horses, don’t you think?’

He stood as if trying to think of something to say, then walked away abruptly.

Although the journey was long and the confines of the ship so stifling, Sarah found enjoyment in reading and sewing classes.

In the reading class, the Blake sisters were the best speakers. Sarah could have sat and listened to them all day.

Ellis was also a member of the reading group but when he was asked to take his turn, he read so haltingly and looked so embarrassed that he wasn’t asked again. The teacher was tactful like that.

A very short woman called Miss Roswell was the best at sewing. It was obvious that she didn’t need lessons, just wanted the company. She soon began helping the teacher, who could get a bit impatient if people were clumsy in their work.

When the teacher claimed exhaustion and gave up running the class, Miss Roswell took over, which was all to the good.

One day she asked Sarah to stay behind. ‘I hope you don’t think I’m being too personal but I know what it’s been like for the people of Lancashire. I can see that your clothes were made for other women and I wondered if you’d like me to help you alter them?’

Sarah felt ashamed but wasn’t going to miss an opportunity like that. ‘Would you have time?’

‘I have all too much time on my hands at the moment. You’d be doing me a favour.’

Gradually, Sarah’s hand-me-downs were transformed into well-fitting and even stylish clothes. Oh, that made her feel so much better.

But out of perversity, she didn’t wear the best of them, even though Miss Roswell had hinted that Ellis kept looking at her when he thought no one would notice and she should encourage him.

Sarah knew her face had become rosier, could see for herself that she was getting her shape back under her newly altered clothes. But if he had to have her wearing new clothes to want her, then he wasn’t worth it. Was he? Or was she being too proud?

Ellis joined the reading group to while away the long hours of doing nothing. He sent his lads to a class for children, relieved that they wouldn’t see how poor he was at reading. Well, when had he ever had the chance for a proper education?

He saw Mrs Boswick in the class but when he made a mess of his first reading and heard how well she could read, he felt too ashamed to do anything but sit at the back and try to escape everyone’s notice.

He was glad to see her looking better, filling out a little, getting nice rosy cheeks. She must have been short of food for a long time. She wasn’t the only woman whose appearance had changed since they set off. Quite a few of them had blossomed. But the others didn’t interest him. She did.

After the second reading group meeting the teacher asked him to stay behind.

‘Would you like me to give you some extra help with the reading, Mr Doyle?’

‘Why would you do that, Mr Paine?’

‘Because I have too much time on my hands and because reading is such a joy to me that I like to share it with others.’

‘Oh. Well. If you don’t mind, I’d be grateful, I would so.’

‘You can come to my cabin for the lessons. We can be private there.’

But what was he going to do with his boys? They were so lively, they needed someone to keep an eye on them. He didn’t want them falling overboard.

After some thought, he asked Mrs Boswick if she’d mind watching them because she seemed to enjoy their company. He was too embarrassed to explain why, but she didn’t ask, just said in her usual quiet way, ‘I’d enjoy that. We can play games or I can read to them.’

Rory in particular seemed very attached to her. Ellis wasn’t sure whether that fondness for her was a good or bad thing. After all, they might never see one another again after they arrived in Australia and Rory had already lost one person he loved. But learning to read better was so important, Ellis took the risk of her finding out what he was doing and looking down on him.

The men talked quite a lot, sharing what they’d heard about life in Australia, revealing their hopes for a better life. A few knew what it was like because they had relatives there. A man called Martin had lived there for a while and was going back, along with his new wife. When he talked about Australia, people hung on his every word.

‘Couldn’t you find a wife there?’ one man teased.

‘No, I couldn’t. There are ten men to every woman in the Swan River Colony, so I went home and let my aunt find me a wife. And she did very well by me. A fine, sensible woman, my Dora is.’

‘Do you think being sensible matters?’ Ellis asked.

Martin looked at him as if he was utterly stupid. ‘Of course it does. Women are much more practical about marriage than people give them credit for.’

That gave Ellis a lot to think about. He wanted to marry again. And it hadn’t taken him long to realise Sarah would suit him well because she made him feel so comfortable and…Oh, just because!

But if there were ten men to every woman, she’d have other suitors. She could choose someone better than him, someone who could read and write fluently, who didn’t already have a family.

And even if he asked her, she might say no. She could be very sharp when annoyed

But…Ellis did like her. A lot.

So he had to be sensible about this and do it quickly, before someone else beat him to it. He chose a moment when he could get her on his own, planning to ask her straight out. ‘I’ve been thinking…’ He couldn’t get the words he’d rehearsed out. They sounded stilted.

‘Thinking what?’

‘Thinking we should…get married.’ He couldn’t bear to look her in the eyes. If she looked scornful, he’d shrivel up and die.

Her voice was cool. ‘Why should we do that?’

He summoned up the main argument, the one he thought would appeal to a woman most. ‘Because the boys need a mother and I need a wife. It’s the most sensible thing to do.’

‘Is that all?’

Words stuck in his throat. ‘Isn’t it enough?’

She shook her head. ‘No, it’s not enough. You didn’t say you cared for me.’

Someone came along just then and he turned to look over the rail, screwing up his courage to try again.

But when he turned back to say of course he cared for her, Sarah had gone.

After his failed proposal, Ellis tried several times to catch Sarah on her own but she seemed to be avoiding him. Maybe that was her way of saying no.

He didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t sleep at night for thinking of her.

Then he heard two of the other men joking about a bet they’d made: they were competing to see which of them could get Sarah to marry him. Pete and Jim had also listened to Martin, it seemed.

Ellis got up the next day determined to have it out with her even if he had to shout out his feelings for the whole ship to hear. He wasn’t going to lose her now.

After breakfast he saw her at the other end of the deck and hurried along. This was it. He’d do it. As he got closer he saw Pete on his knees in front of her and he knew what that meant.

Ellis would have turned away but she looked across at him. It seemed to him that she was pleading with him, that she was trying to pull her hand away from Pete’s.